Fuck Microsoft

Microsoft is such a fucking joke. They've always been a software company, but their software in recent years has been nothing but bloated, busted ass shit. They had to kill Windows XP support to get anyone to move on to newer versions of Windows because nobody liked them. Their forums, website, and web store are all total shit. The online store goes down every year on black Friday because it's an inefficient piece of shit that they subcontracted to a team of idiots.

Their Xbox forums are atrocious. As if censoring half the words you hear on network TV isn't bad enough, they still ban you for using them. That, or they don't like me telling them to fuck off when they require edit notes for fixing a fucking typo. I've NEVER seen a forum require "edit notes" for regular users to edit their posts. It's retarded. Of course, they can't even tell me what they keep banning me for, because they don't have private messaging! Why does everyone insist on using these half assed homebrew forums instead of things like vBulletin and phpBB that actually work!?

The forums on Halo Waypoint, which is owned by Microsoft, are even worse. The assholes that wrote those don't even know what a browser cookie is for. They log you out every 4 fucking hours. Other sites let me stay logged in for 4 months or more, including Xbox.com itself, and that uses the same account! I'm so tired of every forum on the internet trying to cater to fucking family rated content and shitting on the adults that actually pay for their own shit. Forums dedicated to M rated game are even censored to hell. Fuck off.

Here's an idea. How bout keeping little kids from playing the M rated games online with me!?!?!? Why the hell do we have no control over who we get matched with in online games? Xbox won't even give a proper blacklist option to avoid the trolls. They know damn well there are people you run into who you NEVER want to see again, but they don't give a shit. Their rep system is utterly worthless, and the developers could care less about properly policing their game once they get your money. They ban people that quit too much in Halo, but they won't take reports against the assholes that cause half the quitting! They won't fix co-op to only give XP to those who participate, removing half the reason to idle. It would've been a very simple patch for Halo Reach, but they spent months writing and testing an update to nerf a bullshit armor ability that should never have been in competitive multi-player (Armor Lock) instead.

Now we're getting a new Halo game (well sort of new) in a few months, so I have to get their garbage new console (Xbox One) to play it on. A console that has game updates that are bigger than an entire 360 game. Most game updates on Xbox360 were less than 10MB, many less than 1MB. On Xbox One, the updates are commonly in the gigabytes. I've heard of a few games that had 15GB updates. It's ridiculous and borderline retarded of developers to waste that kind of bandwidth/space on updates! I think Microsoft is mostly to blame. I heard the initial update for Sniper Elite 3 on XB1 was 10GB, while the same update for PS4 was only 400MB. What. The. Fuck. Wait, isn't MS a SOFTWARE company? Sony makes fucking TVs, but they somehow made the better console this generation. Interesting.

When you make a new product, it should be finished when you release it. I'm not paying an arm and a leg to be a fucking beta tester, but that's essentially what early buyers are. They left out half the options we had on Xbox 360, even the simplest things. Apparently, you can't even choose to globally disable controller vibration on Xbox One. You have to rely on developers to include the option in the game itself. Of course, those assholes don't even know what options are anymore. You know options? Those neat settings we used to be able to customize everything about the game we're playing? If FPS devs had half a clue, they give us the option of playing with a working reticule all the time (Halo style) or using those shit iron sights that Call of Duty games keep pushing. An option to NOT zoom out when being hit would be nice as well. I'd rather keep exchanging fire while scoped than get knocked out of aim entirely and die because of it, or die because I was trying to zoom out manually and zoomed back in, etc.

I still haven't seen the dashboard on Xbox One, since the system of updating the console itself is retarded too. When you buy a new device that requires software updates, it should do them all at once without being fucking retarded. When I first booted my Xbox One, I was treated to the expected notification that an update was required. Ok, fine. I left it download through the night. Now I get up the next morning and find that it wants to update AGAIN! WTF? Am I supposed to download 6 months or more of separate monthly updates one at a time!? That's fucking stupid. Update the son of a bitch and be done with it! Holy shit the people that write this software are stupid. This is just as bad as game updates on Xbox360 kicking you out of party chats and offline completely to get a tiny little update for one fucking game!

I can't wait to see how cheap the controllers are made this time around. I lost count of how many I wore out playing Halo on Xbox 360. Keep failing, Microshaft. Keep failing. I think Sony still has double the amount of PS4s sold as Xbox Ones. Is it any wonder why gamers are defecting to Sony?

Fuck Infrared Remotes

What is it with this ancient fucking technology that electronics companies are too stubborn or too cheap to kill!?!? This the the 21st century. I should NOT need bullshit fucking "line of sight" to operate my goddamn blu-ray player. They do apps, streaming, 3D, 4K/UHD, and connect to your fucking smart phone, but they won't use a bluetooth or RF remote. WHY!?!?! Where's the innovation!? Where's the advancement? Where's the progression of technology in this hardware? Everything is about to go HDMI 2.0 and all this happy shit, but it's still made with garbage IR remotes. PS3 is the only device to have a bluetooth media remote at this point. We had a satellite dish when I was a kid, and the receiver had an RF remote that worked anywhere in the goddamn house. I didn't even need to be in the same room to change the channel! 20 years later, where are we? Going fucking back asswards like most of the world. No forward thinking unless it's to save a buck or worth advertising.

Same reason so many TVs still have such shit input lag compared to PC monitors. With all the technology currently available, there's no excuse for a screen to be absolute shit for gaming even in "GAME MODE!" Now with 4K, it'll go downhill again in terms of performance until that tech is in its prime. Then we'll need something new and they'll start fucking it up all over again instead of honing the tech until it's perfect for everything. At least Plasma is finally dying. We didn't need that shit cluttering up stores anymore. How many different types of TV tech do we really need? Hopefully this bullshit 3D fad is on its way out too.

Fuck Dating SItes

Do normal/boring women exist anymore? I'm so tired of these dating sites. Why does everyone need multiple degrees and a goddamn Masters nowadays? Can you really find nothing better to do than spend half your goddamn life in school!? All the women I see on these sites are over educated, over religious, vegetarian health nut, sports fanatics, and all the cute ones are from Pittsburgh! Fuck Pittsburgh! Fuck the sports teams, fuck the traffic, fuck the parking garages with low ceilings, and fuck that bitch from the National Weather Service in Pittsburgh who doesn't even know how to say "Pittsburgh!"

I don't get it. Well, I sort of get it, but it's bullshit. When I was younger, I tried the college thing and worked a bit. At that age, money doesn't matter much. I was quiet and shy and never got out much. I'm not outgoing. When people talk to me, I talk. Otherwise, I don't really have shit to say. I went to a boring local college, worked a couple jobs, and got pissed off because I never met anyone. Anyone I did meet ended up a friend. Don't get me wrong, I have some awesome friends. The point is I'm terrible at meeting women and always will be. At this age, now money is an issue. I mean, I always have some cash, but I don't work. I don't have some lame ass 9-5 career that pays big bucks. I have neck and back problems from a car accident a while back. Hell, I had my appendix out a few years back and they found a damn tumor in it. Which means, on top of my busy, exciting life, I also got to keep getting poked and scanned the past few years. Nothing's really come of it, besides getting more used to blood work.

I never got my own place because I didn't need one that bad. I couldn't meet anyone, so I'd just be sitting there alone playing video games. I can do that sitting here on the farm, and it's a hell of a lot cheaper. The internet access sucks, and there's no pizza delivery though. I also have to put up with two assholes, one of which insists on treating me like I'm 16 forever, but I digress. I'm a nice guy. I'm honest, kind, and caring. I'm generally polite, but I don't censor myself. That should be pretty obvious. I'm not religious. I'm not registered to vote. I don't watch sports. I like sports movies. I could watch those all day long. Fuck the real thing though. Did I mention I don't censor myself? I don't smoke. I don't drink either, really. I guess I use enough 4 letter words to make up for not doing the other 2.

All I ever really wanted was a good woman--plus good internet and a good video game. I never dreamed of some bullshit special career. I look at the world a little differently. Maybe that makes me an asshole. Ok, I'm done venting for tonight. Back to Halo.

Fuck Applebee's

There's an article about an Applebee's waitress who got fired for posting a picture of a note some asshole customer left on a receipt. It's an old article, but it pisses me off, so I figured I draw a little attention to it. This fucking bible thumper thought he was too good to leave a tip. Then when the note proving what an asshole he is hit the internet, he bitched until Applebee's fired the server who posted it. It should be noted that this server did NOT violate any company policy doing what she did. Fuck Applebee's and fuck this tightwad, son of a bitch bible thumper who doesn't tip. Assholes need to stop hiding behind their religion and using it as an excuse to be dicks.

I know a guy in Allentown who was thrown out of an Applebee's because he carries a gun (legally). Applebee's corporate does NOT have any policy against weapons, and he was given a free meal. I bet the asshole that threw him out still has a job though, unlike the server in the article.

Fuck My Life Redux

Minor update. I'm in a mood.

Well, I'm not the 40 year old virgin, but I could certainly use some help. I'll be 33 in December, and I've never actually been on a date. I've always been that quiet guy who can stand around a not say shit all night unless someone actually talks to me. Hell, I barely know what to say when contacting someone I don't know by email. I'm not outgoing enough to pickup women, and it pisses me off. It's not that I just want to get laid either. In fact, I truly want a relationship. I did get laid once, but that was about the equivalent of a hooker without the cost. Long story. Don't get me wrong. I appreciate the pussy, but I'm looking for something more. No, not a threesome (though I wouldn't object).

I'm a simple guy from a small town in western Pennsylvania. I live on a big farm that's been in the family name since Civil War times. Yes, it's my parents' place. No, I don't live in the basement. Although, it would be much cooler in the summer. I have neck and back problems from a car accident years ago (wasn't my fault, wasn't even driving!), so I'm not working. I also sort of had cancer. I had my appendix out in 2011, and they found a carcinoid tumor in it. Small one. No big deal. I'm a movie fanatic. I enjoy video games, pool, bowling, target shooting, etc. I have a big heart. The size of other things is for the right woman to judge.

I never got out much when I was younger. I was home schooled from 8th grade on. Of course, my mother was never much help. She's paranoid, overprotective, slightly brain damaged, and FUCKING NUTS. There's really nothing around here. I can't even get decent internet cause I'm stuck in the country with a bunch of goddamn Amish neighbors. I swear this place is the new Florida. Everywhere I go, all I see is old people. I think the only good thing that ever came out of this state is the chick that used to play Tammy on Guiding Light. ;)

Then people tell me "You meet somebody at school or work." I sure as hell didn't. I spent a little over 2 years at the local Penn State campus and got tired of it. Then I worked for about a year. That job ended mostly over management canning a cute girl I knew in another department. Of course, she was already seeing someone, so it's not like I was scoring any points tossing the job. It was just the principle of it. I also met an awesome waitress at Waffle House a while back, but as usual, every woman I meet only wants a friend. She ended up the most expensive friend I've ever had after she lost her job, but I love her.

What's next? I know: "Go on dating sites." If you can spend 3 years on dating sites and still not get a date, you might be an asshole. I know I'm an asshole, but I'm also a gentleman. I also know dating sites fucking suck. There's a handful of local hotties that get their inbox spammed by every male on the site and pretty much ignore them all (assuming the profile is real to begin with). Then, as you start sifting through all your "matches," you begin to realize the only cute women there are divorced with like 4 kids or batshit crazy. Now, one kid, I might be alright with. I have a friend with a daughter I absolutely adore. Although, I'd kind of prefer making my own mistakes over raising someone else's.

Now, I'm not saying I need some stick figure or that I like fat chicks. Any size woman can be cute or butt ugly. Unfortunately, dating sites are full of the latter. Yeah, yeah. "Looks aren't everything." No, but they're damn well part of the equation. There's also a lot of over-achieving types that work a job or two plus go to school. What am I supposed to say? "Yeah, pencil me in for lunch sometime next month, honey." ??? Fuck that. I swear half the women on these goddamn sites have a Masters degree or they're working it. I even saw one that's working on a SECOND Master's. Talk about over-educated. I mean, I know there isn't shit else to do in this area, but damn! Find a less expensive hobby. Then you have the women who waste your time even more with awesome profiles, BUT they're just looking for friends. Friends are on Facebook. A dating site is for dating.

p.s. Online dating tip of the day: If you're going to take a picture of yourself in the mirror, turn the fucking flash off.

The dating sites that want money really piss me off. Every site on the fucking internet has private messaging and email for free, but you expect people to fork over $20 a month for it!? Then you let everybody and their retarded sister register for free and don't tell us which ones are paying subscribers that can actually reply. I get ignored enough without wondering if the women are able to respond in the first place, idiots. Not only that, but the free sites are better organized with nicer profiles and less hassle. Match.com makes you wait for approval on every little change to your profile. WHY!? Why must nearly every site and every service in existence treat us like fucking children!? The free ones don't hassle or censor me. I can say what the hell I want, which is getting pretty rare.

Mail order brides are out thanks to bullshit immigration laws nowadays. They apparently require you to actually visit the woman in her own country before you can fly her in. These women look for foreign men because they want to get the fuck out of the shit hole they live in. Why the fuck would I want to visit it!?

Another thing people say that pisses me off is that I "need to have a job to get women." I worked. I didn't get any. Now I'm making just as much as when I worked sitting on my ass with a bad neck. Guess what. I could still afford a nice dinner for two somewhere, and I actually have time to enjoy the company. I guess I'm a little bit like Jack Dawson (Titanic). I don't claim to be a hopeless romantic, but I believe in love. I believe life should be more than punching a time clock 6 days a week, paying the bills, and still being too broke and tired to fucking enjoy the rest of your week. Call me crazy.

My OkCupid Profile in case anyone is curious.

Fuck the Game Developers and Publishers Too

I've seen mention lately that game developers and publishers have been in trouble for a while. THQ went bankrupt, etc. Am I the only one that thinks they brought this shit on themselves? They release buggy shit that's basically beta all the time and expect everyone to wait for patches IF they patch it at all. Most glitched achievements don't get patched. Even the event shit in Gears took 6+ months and only got a half assed fix, and that's one of Microshaft's "system seller" titles.

People aren't impressed with buggy shit, glitched achievements, day one on disc DLC, season passes that cost as much as the game, and micro-transaction infested games. Is it any wonder nobody wants to pay $60 for them anymore? A lot of hardcore fans of each series think Halo and Gears self destructed with their latest installments and aren't likely to buy an XB1 for future titles unless they're extremely impressed with video or get to play demos/betas first.

Fuck the devs. Most of the good ones are gone anyway. I don't particularly like the way any of them are heading, and maybe that's part of the reason they're in trouble. Will we ever see another good Bond game? I bet Rare's Goldeneye turned more of a profit or equal profit to ALL of Activision's shit Bond games combined. Why was Rare only allowed to make one Bond game? Why are there multiple publishers doing Walking Dead, Marvel, etc shit at the same time, but nobody worth a shit can get license to compete with Activision's garbage Bond games? How long does that license last? Everything is expiring and getting delisted from XBLA, but shit that should expire like exclusivity and Bond/WWE licenses never seem to.

Then nobody does options anymore. We don't get to remap our controller buttons. If we're lucky, we get to pick from a few possible setups the devs fucking chose. Could we make reticules and iron sights optional so COD and Halo fans can both enjoy every shooter? Of course not. Can we turn off aim assist on Halo? Nope. Who the fuck needs aim assist on a rocket launcher!?!? It fucked up my multi-kills in firefight more times than I care to remember. I'm aiming at the whole pack and the fucking reticule just decides to randomly follow one enemy that jets past and fuck up the shot. Nice fucking job, devs. Don't cater to those of us that can actually aim, but give MLG their own fucking playlist while you drop all the fun playlists like Action Sack and Firefight Doubles.

btw, fuck MLG too. They should never have had their own playlist on Reach. Wasn't that what Arena was fucking for? Either play with the matchmaking settings everyone else does or fuck off and play something else. That list should've been dropped when Halo 4 was released and they didn't even do that. They dropped the fun stuff instead. Let MLG move the fuck on to the new game.

I would've gladly bought the Who Wants to be a Millionaire game for 360 had Ubisoft not been fucking stupid and required Kinect. Last I saw the game dropped to like $5 brand new. Every other trivia game works with a controller. Why not Millionaire? Because the devs are retarded and/or being bribed by Microshaft to support something a fair number of gamers want nothing to do with. Same with Sixaxis on the PS3/PS4. The devs that are smart enough to make Kinect completely optional get to sell games to both sides, so long as the game doesn't suck entirely to begin with. Star Wars Force Unleashed and FU2 sold extremely well. Did we get a 3rd one? Nope. We got Kinect fucking Star Wars. Fuck you. Fuck you very much.


Let's run down the list...

AKI? Dead.

THQ? Dead, partly because they let go of AKI and kept publishing Yuke's horrible WWE titles year after year. I really hope 2K kicks them to the curb. I'm so tired of their load screen shit every time you even go from one menu to another. I think they might actually hold the record for most uses of a load screen in a game on one of those. Warhammer 40k Space Marine was cool. I loved Juiced 2 and a few others.

Midway: Dead. Probably in large part because they kept shoveling out those 3D MK games nobody really cared for instead of sticking with 2D mechanics. They made awesome sports games on N64 though, as well as a few other gems I wouldn't mind seeing reappear somehow.

Acclaim: I miss the original Turok Dinosaur Hunter. I can't remember much else they had going for them. I do, however, remember them releasing WWF games on N64 during pretty much the same time THQ was. They both released WWF games within 3 months of each other. Why doesn't that happen anymore? Why are we only left with Yuke's bullshit?

Bungie: Ok, they're still here, but they left Halo. There were aspects of Reach that leave me questioning the direction they'll go with Destiny, etc.

Epic: Fucked. Gears Judgment was utter shit, and the event system on both 3 and Judgment being required for achievements and Seriously 3.0 (WTF!) pissed off a lot of achievement hunters. They don't deserve to sell that series anymore if they can't make their achievements properly attainable and not dependent on bullshit events they're to lazy to change or automate properly.

EA: One of the most hated publishers still in existence. They pretty much kill all the series they take over. I'm just glad they failed to acquire Take2(?) when they tried a while back.

Rare: RIP. I don't consider Rare in its current form to really be Rare anymore. Rare made the best Bond game ever. Yet, it was the only one they got to make? EA got to make a bunch of shitty ones, and now Activision is doing it. Rare made a ton of other good stuff too. Now the good programming teams are gone or relegated to Kinect garbage.

Activision: Fuck Activision. They basically rely on puking out an annual COD title and that's it. If the cost of the DLC isn't bad enough, the damn discs don't even drop in price. You see Black Ops 2 sitting in stores for $45 with Ghosts right beside it at $60. What a goddamn joke. Would it kill these assholes to add an option to play classic shooter style with a real reticule and no fucking iron sights? Nobody does options anymore. The Transformers games barely drop in price too. Hell, Activision's bastardized Goldeneye remake took like 4 years to hit $20. I gotta say it twice. Like I said. Fuck them up the ass with a rusty fence post and break it off.

Rockstar: They're still ok, but they're kind of pissing me off too. The PC version of GTA:SA had the option to make your music files the radio in cars. Why didn't GTA4 include that on the console? It would've been awesome, considering how shit the radio was on that one. Probably my favorite GTA, but I can't stand the radio. They need to come up with aiming controls that are worth a damn too. Max Payne 3 was an atrocity. An HD remake of State of Emergency might not be a bad idea either.

Capcom: Another decent company mostly gone to shit. Are they going for the record on releasing the same title the most times with SF4, or what? Damn. Aren't they the ones that started that on disc DLC nonsense too? In any case, the ONLY series Capcom has released with proper controls was the 4 Devil May Cry games. I can't speak for the new one, as I haven't tried it yet. I'd love an HD remake of Onimusha, in spite of the controls. However, Resident Evil 5 was one of the biggest piles of shit I've seen in years. The controls on that game were retarded, the AI was beyond retarded, and Professional difficulty (which I completed last night after much swearing at Wesker and Jill) was just ridiculous. The other stupid thing about RE5 was the cutscenes (and QTEs). Either make a movie or make a game. I don't want to stop for a custscene every 10 fucking seconds! An option to auto skip them might've helped, but we never see options in games anymore. Also, Dead Rising. The biggest complaint people had about the original game was the load screens. What did we get with Dead Rising 2? Even worse load screens! Installing the game does next to nothing.

Squaresoft: Well, they finally remastered FFX, but not on Xbox (WHY?). From what little of FF13 I played, I don't think I like where they're going either. They need to do a proper remastered release of FF7, preferably on all consoles, or piss off. I think FF has run its course.

Fuck Censorship

It seems that being a wimpy bible thumping asshole is becoming an epidemic in this world. Censorship is everywhere for no fucking reason. It even rears its ugly head at one of my blog mirrors, TrueAchievements.com. One of the volunteer staffers looking to feel big and powerful decided to pick on my blog spouting shit about the site being PG-13. The only 13 year olds with 100k gamer score are fucking modders. The guides on that site are written and used mostly by people 16 and over anyway. I'm so tired of everyone making everything about fuckin kids. When do adults get to be fucking adults and say what the hell they please? For that matter, what kid doesn't know profanity by the age of 12 nowadays? Have you heard the little bastards on Xbox Live? Halo, Gears, COD, doesn't matter. There's little kids on all of them talking shit. I used to play Halo with a 14 year old that uses "profanity" more than I ever could.

It's like these idiots that make sites/forums dedicated to M rated games. The game is for ADULTS. You get harassed for ID to buy the fuckin thing. Yet, the fan sites are censored. I should be able to run around those forums with Bad Motherfucker as my username, a pic of nice tits as my avatar, and a gory stick death animated image in my fucking signature.

The words are everywhere: movies, games, even network TV (to an extent). I'm so tired of these sheeple that just buy into the whole offensive words shit. There are 1000s of words in the english language, but these few are just horrible. WHY? What is wrong with these words compared to any other? Answer: NOTHING! The fucking bible thumpers started this shit and everyone keeps buying into it. I say all words are created equal. Express yourself as you fucking see fit.

Someone actually made a comment that "Profanity is the effort of a feeble brain to express itself forcibly.." I'd say it's the other way around. The people who can't handle hearing those words are the ones with feeble fucking brains. I like the way they sound. If you don't, tough shit. I got a quote of my own. "If liberty means anything, it means the right to tell people what they don't want to hear." I always remembered that from The People vs Larry Flynt. Awesome movie, by the way.