Fuck 343 Industries

For those who don't know, 343 Industries is the developer in control of the Halo franchise. Bungie created it, but it was left to 343 when Bungie abandoned it for other bullshit projects. The last Halo game Bungie made was Halo Reach. Within 6 months or so of its release, they left it in the rather incompetent hands of 343i.

343i didn't fix any of the problems in Reach, and they even managed to copy half of them into Halo 4 while taking a giant shit on the franchise copying ideas from Call of Duty. Halo 4 is an abomination, but that's another subject entirely. Halo Reach suffered mostly from the same thing a lot of other games do: complete and total assholes abusing it with zero consequences. People boost matchmaking, betray you when you pick up the weapon/vehicle they wanted, idle co-op (Firefight) for free credits/XP, grief in co-op, and hide in co-op to complete the commendation for completing rounds without dying.

What does 343i do? Not jack shit. They could take complaints on the assholes and reset/ban them, but they're too fuckin lazy. They're also too fuckin lazy to patch the XP output in firefight to keep people who don't participate from being awarded anything. They're even too fuckin lazy to tweak the number of voting rounds in firefight so there are enough to get the maps we want every time. Boosting in competitive multiplayer is also stupid easy to solve, but they won't do that either. All they have to do is stop letting people take parties large enough to control the entire lobby into matchmaking. Limit it so no more than a full team can search each playlist. Simple, yes? Apparently, not for them. "Oh, but what about clans and friends who want to play against each other?" That's what customs are fucking for, assholes! Fuck clans.

About a week ago, stat tracking on Reach went down completely. No kills, deaths, wins, etc count. Has 343i addressed this issue? Nope. They haven't even acknowledged this issue!! I'd go so far as to speculate that they did it on purpose. The game is set to go free for the Games With Gold program later this month, so they obviously don't give a fuck about it anymore. People have posted on 343i's Halo Waypoint forums numerous times the past week demanding answers and getting nothing. We had a similar problem a couple years ago (late 2011?) where the commendations in the game would freeze after you earned a specific amount of XP each day. They tried to raise the daily credit cap, which was fucking retarded in the first place. They had no business ever limiting the progress of legitimate players. If I play 16 hours a day, I want my XP for every motherfucking match! Plenty of people did play the game to that extreme too. This was one of those mistakes I said they carried over to Halo 4, along with the XP payout to people who sat in co-op doing nothing. Anyway, that commendation freezing problem took them THREE MONTHS to fix! MONTHS! To fix something they fucking broke because of something that was bullshit in the first place. Nice fucking job Bungie and 343i.

Hell, 343i can't even program an internet forum properly. The dumbasses set their browser cookies to only last 4 hours. I've had sites keep me logged in for 4 YEARS! That's the whole fucking point of cookies! To remember your goddamn login! Not hassle you every 4 fucking hours! Who the fuck do they think they are, NASA!?!? The email notification of forum replies hasn't worked in years either. Plus, when they ban you from the forum you have no access to your private messages. I find this funny since the staff always sends you a private message rather than emailing you, so you can't read what they said until you're unbanned. I was recently banned for posting "discriminatory" comments and flaming, simply for screaming about the problems still occurring on Reach. I couldn't figure out what they even meant by "discriminatory" until I posted again on something completely pointless and mentioned that I thought the fact that sprees don't reset after you hit the last one was retarded. Yes, they actually banned me for saying a random aspect of the game mechanics was "retarded." The even edited the word "retarded" out of my post. This time, I'm banned until the year 4752. I also have a new private message that I can't read until the ban expires. These guys are a special kind of genius.

If they would put half as much effort into policing the game, as they do their bullshit forums, the game would be a much better experience. That's alright. I only put 6000 hours on the game. What the hell do I know? Just ban me because I used the word "retarded" on the forum dedicated to an M rated adult fucking video game. Excellent job guys. Can't wait to play Halo 5 next year.

Fuck Restaurants - Part 2

More restaurant gripes today. Why is it near impossible to get a meatball sub with normal puree sauce instead of that marinara chunk bullshit!? It's not a fucking taco. I swear bacon is never actually cooked when they put it on sandwiches either. Are there any sub shops for people that do NOT want health food? Fuck Subway. Fuck Jimmy John's too. How the fuck do they stay in business offering only ONE goddamn kind of cheese on subs!? Fuck your fucking Provolone!

Why does everyone try to put cherries on sundaes? What percentage of people actually like cherries? Fuck your decoration. Give me my sundae without that red thing. Also, why the hell don't more places have awesome whipped cream like Outback Steakhouse? It's kind of odd that a steakhouse has better whipped cream for their desserts than a goddamn custard stand. Don't you think?

I've also noticed that it's extremely rare to find a cook that can do over medium eggs properly. Why is it so goddamn hard to give me eggs that aren't runny or fucking burnt? They rush the damn things, and people don't complain enough to get it done right. Then they drown your fucking toast in butter. I like butter as much as the next guy, but I'd like some goddamn toast with it. Who the hell wants soggy toast?

Back on the steak joints... I find it funny that a place like Texas Roadhouse has cheap, local diner silverware that hurts my hand. Outback has nice thick silverware. Too bad they can't cook for shit anymore. I really miss Outback bread. It's been down hill ever since they started that wood fire grill shit though. They apparently don't know how to cook chicken the old way. Who's dumbass idea was it to default the chicken to the wood fire grill, anyway? All it does is dry it the fuck out! Then they don't put any seasoning on anymore even when you say you want it the old way. They used to practically batter that shit in the seasoning, and it was always nice and moist. It melted in my mouth, and I never needed a knife to cut it. Now I hurt my fuckin hand if I try to eat it with just a fork.


Another thing I can totally do without: hard chairs with ass imprints. Why the fuck do they make these chairs with this stupid outline for you ass? Do they serve a lot of retards that don't know which way to sit on the fucking seat or something??? It sure as shit doesn't make the chairs more comfortable. A hard wood fucking chair is a hard wood fucking chair, assholes.

Fuck Microsoft

Microsoft is such a fucking joke. They've always been a software company, but their software in recent years has been nothing but bloated, busted ass shit. They had to kill Windows XP support to get anyone to move on to newer versions of Windows because nobody liked them. Their forums, website, and web store are all total shit. The online store goes down every year on black Friday because it's an inefficient piece of shit that they subcontracted to a team of idiots.

Their Xbox forums are atrocious. As if censoring half the words you hear on network TV isn't bad enough, they still ban you for using them. That, or they don't like me telling them to fuck off when they require edit notes for fixing a fucking typo. I've NEVER seen a forum require "edit notes" for regular users to edit their posts. It's retarded. Of course, they can't even tell me what they keep banning me for, because they don't have private messaging! Why does everyone insist on using these half assed homebrew forums instead of things like vBulletin and phpBB that actually work!?

The forums on Halo Waypoint, which is owned by Microsoft, are even worse. The assholes that wrote those don't even know what a browser cookie is for. They log you out every 4 fucking hours. Other sites let me stay logged in for 4 months or more, including Xbox.com itself, and that uses the same account! I'm so tired of every forum on the internet trying to cater to fucking family rated content and shitting on the adults that actually pay for their own shit. Forums dedicated to M rated game are even censored to hell. Fuck off.

Here's an idea. How bout keeping little kids from playing the M rated games online with me!?!?!? Why the hell do we have no control over who we get matched with in online games? Xbox won't even give a proper blacklist option to avoid the trolls. They know damn well there are people you run into who you NEVER want to see again, but they don't give a shit. Their rep system is utterly worthless, and the developers could care less about properly policing their game once they get your money. They ban people that quit too much in Halo, but they won't take reports against the assholes that cause half the quitting! They won't fix co-op to only give XP to those who participate, removing half the reason to idle. It would've been a very simple patch for Halo Reach, but they spent months writing and testing an update to nerf a bullshit armor ability that should never have been in competitive multi-player (Armor Lock) instead.

Now we're getting a new Halo game (well sort of new) in a few months, so I have to get their garbage new console (Xbox One) to play it on. A console that has game updates that are bigger than an entire 360 game. Most game updates on Xbox360 were less than 10MB, many less than 1MB. On Xbox One, the updates are commonly in the gigabytes. I've heard of a few games that had 15GB updates. It's ridiculous and borderline retarded of developers to waste that kind of bandwidth/space on updates! I think Microsoft is mostly to blame. I heard the initial update for Sniper Elite 3 on XB1 was 10GB, while the same update for PS4 was only 400MB. What. The. Fuck. Wait, isn't MS a SOFTWARE company? Sony makes fucking TVs, but they somehow made the better console this generation. Interesting.

When you make a new product, it should be finished when you release it. I'm not paying an arm and a leg to be a fucking beta tester, but that's essentially what early buyers are. They left out half the options we had on Xbox 360, even the simplest things. Apparently, you can't even choose to globally disable controller vibration on Xbox One. You have to rely on developers to include the option in the game itself. Of course, those assholes don't even know what options are anymore. You know options? Those neat settings we used to be able to customize everything about the game we're playing? If FPS devs had half a clue, they give us the option of playing with a working reticule all the time (Halo style) or using those shit iron sights that Call of Duty games keep pushing. An option to NOT zoom out when being hit would be nice as well. I'd rather keep exchanging fire while scoped than get knocked out of aim entirely and die because of it, or die because I was trying to zoom out manually and zoomed back in, etc.

I still haven't seen the dashboard on Xbox One, since the system of updating the console itself is retarded too. When you buy a new device that requires software updates, it should do them all at once without being fucking retarded. When I first booted my Xbox One, I was treated to the expected notification that an update was required. Ok, fine. I left it download through the night. Now I get up the next morning and find that it wants to update AGAIN! WTF? Am I supposed to download 6 months or more of separate monthly updates one at a time!? That's fucking stupid. Update the son of a bitch and be done with it! Holy shit the people that write this software are stupid. This is just as bad as game updates on Xbox360 kicking you out of party chats and offline completely to get a tiny little update for one fucking game!

I can't wait to see how cheap the controllers are made this time around. I lost count of how many I wore out playing Halo on Xbox 360. Keep failing, Microshaft. Keep failing. I think Sony still has double the amount of PS4s sold as Xbox Ones. Is it any wonder why gamers are defecting to Sony?

Fuck Infrared Remotes

What is it with this ancient fucking technology that electronics companies are too stubborn or too cheap to kill!?!? This the the 21st century. I should NOT need bullshit fucking "line of sight" to operate my goddamn blu-ray player. They do apps, streaming, 3D, 4K/UHD, and connect to your fucking smart phone, but they won't use a bluetooth or RF remote. WHY!?!?! Where's the innovation!? Where's the advancement? Where's the progression of technology in this hardware? Everything is about to go HDMI 2.0 and all this happy shit, but it's still made with garbage IR remotes. PS3 is the only device to have a bluetooth media remote at this point. We had a satellite dish when I was a kid, and the receiver had an RF remote that worked anywhere in the goddamn house. I didn't even need to be in the same room to change the channel! 20 years later, where are we? Going fucking back asswards like most of the world. No forward thinking unless it's to save a buck or worth advertising.

Same reason so many TVs still have such shit input lag compared to PC monitors. With all the technology currently available, there's no excuse for a screen to be absolute shit for gaming even in "GAME MODE!" Now with 4K, it'll go downhill again in terms of performance until that tech is in its prime. Then we'll need something new and they'll start fucking it up all over again instead of honing the tech until it's perfect for everything. At least Plasma is finally dying. We didn't need that shit cluttering up stores anymore. How many different types of TV tech do we really need? Hopefully this bullshit 3D fad is on its way out too.

Fuck Dating SItes

Do normal/boring women exist anymore? I'm so tired of these dating sites. Why does everyone need multiple degrees and a goddamn Masters nowadays? Can you really find nothing better to do than spend half your goddamn life in school!? All the women I see on these sites are over educated, over religious, vegetarian health nut, sports fanatics, and all the cute ones are from Pittsburgh! Fuck Pittsburgh! Fuck the sports teams, fuck the traffic, fuck the parking garages with low ceilings, and fuck that bitch from the National Weather Service in Pittsburgh who doesn't even know how to say "Pittsburgh!"

I don't get it. Well, I sort of get it, but it's bullshit. When I was younger, I tried the college thing and worked a bit. At that age, money doesn't matter much. I was quiet and shy and never got out much. I'm not outgoing. When people talk to me, I talk. Otherwise, I don't really have shit to say. I went to a boring local college, worked a couple jobs, and got pissed off because I never met anyone. Anyone I did meet ended up a friend. Don't get me wrong, I have some awesome friends. The point is I'm terrible at meeting women and always will be. At this age, now money is an issue. I mean, I always have some cash, but I don't work. I don't have some lame ass 9-5 career that pays big bucks. I have neck and back problems from a car accident a while back. Hell, I had my appendix out a few years back and they found a damn tumor in it. Which means, on top of my busy, exciting life, I also got to keep getting poked and scanned the past few years. Nothing's really come of it, besides getting more used to blood work.

I never got my own place because I didn't need one that bad. I couldn't meet anyone, so I'd just be sitting there alone playing video games. I can do that sitting here on the farm, and it's a hell of a lot cheaper. The internet access sucks, and there's no pizza delivery though. I also have to put up with two assholes, one of which insists on treating me like I'm 16 forever, but I digress. I'm a nice guy. I'm honest, kind, and caring. I'm generally polite, but I don't censor myself. That should be pretty obvious. I'm not religious. I'm not registered to vote. I don't watch sports. I like sports movies. I could watch those all day long. Fuck the real thing though. Did I mention I don't censor myself? I don't smoke. I don't drink either, really. I guess I use enough 4 letter words to make up for not doing the other 2.

All I ever really wanted was a good woman--plus good internet and a good video game. I never dreamed of some bullshit special career. I look at the world a little differently. Maybe that makes me an asshole. Ok, I'm done venting for tonight. Back to Halo.

Fuck Applebee's

There's an article about an Applebee's waitress who got fired for posting a picture of a note some asshole customer left on a receipt. It's an old article, but it pisses me off, so I figured I draw a little attention to it. This fucking bible thumper thought he was too good to leave a tip. Then when the note proving what an asshole he is hit the internet, he bitched until Applebee's fired the server who posted it. It should be noted that this server did NOT violate any company policy doing what she did. Fuck Applebee's and fuck this tightwad, son of a bitch bible thumper who doesn't tip. Assholes need to stop hiding behind their religion and using it as an excuse to be dicks.

I know a guy in Allentown who was thrown out of an Applebee's because he carries a gun (legally). Applebee's corporate does NOT have any policy against weapons, and he was given a free meal. I bet the asshole that threw him out still has a job though, unlike the server in the article.

Fuck My Life Redux

Minor update. I'm in a mood.

Well, I'm not the 40 year old virgin, but I could certainly use some help. I'll be 33 in December, and I've never actually been on a date. I've always been that quiet guy who can stand around a not say shit all night unless someone actually talks to me. Hell, I barely know what to say when contacting someone I don't know by email. I'm not outgoing enough to pickup women, and it pisses me off. It's not that I just want to get laid either. In fact, I truly want a relationship. I did get laid once, but that was about the equivalent of a hooker without the cost. Long story. Don't get me wrong. I appreciate the pussy, but I'm looking for something more. No, not a threesome (though I wouldn't object).

I'm a simple guy from a small town in western Pennsylvania. I live on a big farm that's been in the family name since Civil War times. Yes, it's my parents' place. No, I don't live in the basement. Although, it would be much cooler in the summer. I have neck and back problems from a car accident years ago (wasn't my fault, wasn't even driving!), so I'm not working. I also sort of had cancer. I had my appendix out in 2011, and they found a carcinoid tumor in it. Small one. No big deal. I'm a movie fanatic. I enjoy video games, pool, bowling, target shooting, etc. I have a big heart. The size of other things is for the right woman to judge.

I never got out much when I was younger. I was home schooled from 8th grade on. Of course, my mother was never much help. She's paranoid, overprotective, slightly brain damaged, and FUCKING NUTS. There's really nothing around here. I can't even get decent internet cause I'm stuck in the country with a bunch of goddamn Amish neighbors. I swear this place is the new Florida. Everywhere I go, all I see is old people. I think the only good thing that ever came out of this state is the chick that used to play Tammy on Guiding Light. ;)

Then people tell me "You meet somebody at school or work." I sure as hell didn't. I spent a little over 2 years at the local Penn State campus and got tired of it. Then I worked for about a year. That job ended mostly over management canning a cute girl I knew in another department. Of course, she was already seeing someone, so it's not like I was scoring any points tossing the job. It was just the principle of it. I also met an awesome waitress at Waffle House a while back, but as usual, every woman I meet only wants a friend. She ended up the most expensive friend I've ever had after she lost her job, but I love her.

What's next? I know: "Go on dating sites." If you can spend 3 years on dating sites and still not get a date, you might be an asshole. I know I'm an asshole, but I'm also a gentleman. I also know dating sites fucking suck. There's a handful of local hotties that get their inbox spammed by every male on the site and pretty much ignore them all (assuming the profile is real to begin with). Then, as you start sifting through all your "matches," you begin to realize the only cute women there are divorced with like 4 kids or batshit crazy. Now, one kid, I might be alright with. I have a friend with a daughter I absolutely adore. Although, I'd kind of prefer making my own mistakes over raising someone else's.

Now, I'm not saying I need some stick figure or that I like fat chicks. Any size woman can be cute or butt ugly. Unfortunately, dating sites are full of the latter. Yeah, yeah. "Looks aren't everything." No, but they're damn well part of the equation. There's also a lot of over-achieving types that work a job or two plus go to school. What am I supposed to say? "Yeah, pencil me in for lunch sometime next month, honey." ??? Fuck that. I swear half the women on these goddamn sites have a Masters degree or they're working it. I even saw one that's working on a SECOND Master's. Talk about over-educated. I mean, I know there isn't shit else to do in this area, but damn! Find a less expensive hobby. Then you have the women who waste your time even more with awesome profiles, BUT they're just looking for friends. Friends are on Facebook. A dating site is for dating.

p.s. Online dating tip of the day: If you're going to take a picture of yourself in the mirror, turn the fucking flash off.

The dating sites that want money really piss me off. Every site on the fucking internet has private messaging and email for free, but you expect people to fork over $20 a month for it!? Then you let everybody and their retarded sister register for free and don't tell us which ones are paying subscribers that can actually reply. I get ignored enough without wondering if the women are able to respond in the first place, idiots. Not only that, but the free sites are better organized with nicer profiles and less hassle. Match.com makes you wait for approval on every little change to your profile. WHY!? Why must nearly every site and every service in existence treat us like fucking children!? The free ones don't hassle or censor me. I can say what the hell I want, which is getting pretty rare.

Mail order brides are out thanks to bullshit immigration laws nowadays. They apparently require you to actually visit the woman in her own country before you can fly her in. These women look for foreign men because they want to get the fuck out of the shit hole they live in. Why the fuck would I want to visit it!?

Another thing people say that pisses me off is that I "need to have a job to get women." I worked. I didn't get any. Now I'm making just as much as when I worked sitting on my ass with a bad neck. Guess what. I could still afford a nice dinner for two somewhere, and I actually have time to enjoy the company. I guess I'm a little bit like Jack Dawson (Titanic). I don't claim to be a hopeless romantic, but I believe in love. I believe life should be more than punching a time clock 6 days a week, paying the bills, and still being too broke and tired to fucking enjoy the rest of your week. Call me crazy.

My OkCupid Profile in case anyone is curious.