Fuck Realism in Video Games

Am I the only one that thinks developers are focusing too much on realism in games? I hate sports, but I used to buy sports games because they were fun. Put the goalie through the net (Gretzky 3D Hockey), make a player that looks like Frankenstein and dunk from half court (NBA Hangtime), etc. They had a simulation option, but they catered to the people that enjoy the arcade experience. Midway had the right idea there. Now EA and 2K shit all over the arcade fans, so the only idiots buying their games are hardcore sports fans and people looking for easy achievements/trophies.

The same is true of racing games. Why haven't I seen an HD rerelease of Cruis'n USA? That was one of the best racers on N64. Waverace? 1080 Snowboarding? Good shit. Do we get any good snowboarding games anymore? Hell no. Racing games are all simulation shit. I don't want to be on my brakes 80% of the race trying to make bullshit hairpin turns every 10 fucking feet. I want fast paced racing that doesn't have retarded sharp turns every 2 seconds. I want street racing. I like Ridge Racer 6, but they made the AI ridiculously unfair. I still managed to get all but 1 achievement on that. I miss drifting around corners full speed and never needing to slow down. I miss unlocking ridiculous cars that corner like mad. I miss hitting nitrous constantly. Juiced 2 was really fun. Do we get another one of those? Nope. Just more Forza shit.

I see the same thing with shooters. Why does every fucking game have to copy Call of Duty's iron sights bullshit? Why can't we get the option of a reticule? I don't play on a 40 inch HD screen to have the goddamn gun block half the screen when I try to aim. That's another thing. There's no such thing as dead accurate guns anymore. It's all bloom and recoil and shit. Fuck you. I'd actually like to hit where the hell I'm aiming every fucking shot. I'm shooting alien dinosaurs and gremlins that breath helium(?). I need real gun physics like I need a 2nd asshole. You want to give me realism? How bout you stop making wooden doors that are fucking rocket proof?!?!?! Why the hell do I need a key when I have a rocket? You want realism? How bout AI that does NOT have 100% accuracy no matter how fast you run? How bout AI that doesn't magically see me through walls a half mile away? Thank you. Why the hell don't we ever see good railguns in games? The only game that had a proper, Eraser style, railgun was the original Turok Dinosaur Hunter on N64. They called it the Pulse Rifle on there, and it was fucking awesome.

Fuck Sports

The stupid bowl is coming up, so it seemed like a good time to rant about this stupid shit. Speaking of that, why do these companies piss away millions of commercials during the superbowl? I don't get it. Millions of fucking dollars for a 30 second commercial slot. It's always the same fucking companies too. Do they really think people haven't heard of Budweiser or Coke!? Either peolple drink it or they don't. No way in hell the commercials are worth it. Discount the fuckin product instead of pissing away money on advertising like that.

Why do these idiots get paid so much to play games on TV, and why is it forced down our throats? Sports really piss me off. Most of them are just plain fuckin stupid, and none of them should be on TV. With 900+ channels, why must the sports shit still bump other shows to air on CBS etc and cause repeats to be aired on competing channels? Why must NBC/CBS/ABC show such complete shit programming on the weekends!? It's Saturday, and all of a sudden every fucking network thinks they're ESPN. Hell, they even cut in during the week for shit. They cut out the CBS soaps for tennis and college fucking basketball every year. COLLEGE basketball! Not even NBA! What the fuck!? What's next, cutting out prime time shows to air high school sports? Give me a goddamn break. The fucking schools nowadays are more interested in sports than education. It's bullshit. You just know some of the same shit you see on TV is really happening too; stupid jocks getting their grades fixed because they're good at their dumb ass game, crimes being covered up to keep the assholes out of jail when they do shit other people would get locked up/expelled for. Fuck sports!

The pre-game shows are probably the most annoying thing. Why must they always have some asshole sing the national anthem in the shittiest way possible? No one wants to hear that horrible high-pitched shit that these idiots do when they sing it. I don't give a fuck if it was intended that way or not. It sounds like shit! Do these assholes ever listen to how bad they sound? Oh, they wear earplugs on stage so they don't have to!

Racing: Where do I start? Holy shit this is stupid. Driving 500 laps in a fucking circle and making 50 pit stops? What are we trying to prove here? Who has the fastest car or who can stay awake the longest!? It's all about making lame ass pit stops at the right time until like the last few laps. Complete stupidity. That's not racing, it's a waste of fuel and rubber. I hear there's even a speed limit on some races. What-the-fuck? It's a RACE. Holy shit! The stupidity amazes me. People actually watch this shit??? Why the fuck would you want to race cars that are all built to be equal (CRIPPLED!)? What's the point? That's NOT racing. Watch Fast and The Furious sometime. That's what racing should be.

Hockey: Well, other than the fact it's one of the lowest scoring goddamn sports I ever saw (make the goal a little bigger or put the fuckin goalie on a diet), there's a lot of completely pointless rules. Off Sides? WTF!? If a player crosses the center line before the puck reaches him he's off sides. Well, I don't know about you, but I'd be looking at a lot of other shit before I wanted to pay attention to a fucking line on the floor (like the puck or the assholes trying to run you the fuck over!). Icing? Hitting the puck toward the goal is only allowed if you're close enough to it? fuck you. It amazes me people actually pay for tickets to go and watch this shit. Imagine, they pay for tickets to go sit somewhere and freeze their asses off while some idiots are playing a game and taking breaks to beat the shit out of each other. I guess boxing on ice takes more skill than real boxing though.

Football: A 1 hour game clock, but the game lasts like 5 hours by the time they're done fucking around. Really now. Plus, they have to throw in a fucking pre-game show and post-game show. WTF? Shut the hell up. It's a game. Let them fucking play, and let that be the end of it! The only thing I find amusing about football are the fun movies (i.e. The Replacements). There are also the dumbass kickers. They only have 1 job: kick the fucking ball! How do they manage to screw that up so much? If you can't get the ball to go dead center between the uprights from the 1(?) yard line for the extra point, stay the fuck off the field. The referees piss me off too. Why the fuck do they have to echo on TV every time they get shown making a goddamn call!? Has no one realized how fuckin irritating that shit is!? Then everyone goes batshit half the time because the assholes screw up the calls anyway. I guess each team is allowed a few challenges now to have the referees check the replay video or something? Why not plant a referee in front of the fucking TV to begin with!? Then if the ones on the field fuck up, he can step in and fix it. Nah, that'd make too much sense. Heaven forbid anyone try to use some fucking logic. They pay the goddamn players a fortune every year. What's one more ref?

Basketball: Who the fuck wants to watch a bunch of assholes running back and forth across a court squeaking their goddamn shoes the whole time and getting called for fouls even though most of the assholes couldn't make a free throw to save their life?

Golf: Just plain stupid. Yeah, let's go hit a golf ball a couple hundred yards at a time and try to get it to a hole. Bullshit. I wanna see these guys play miniature golf. Let's see how good a mood Tiger Woods is in after fucking around with a windmill for half an hour! And wtf is with these assholes and putting down a marker for their ball when it's only like 4 feet from the goddamn hole!? Just put it in and be done, numbnuts! My parents had golf on during dinner one day and I saw this one guy miss a 2 foot putt. Why the hell is he on TV!?

Horse Racing: WTF? This is an outdated, elitist fucking thing, and its only purpose nowadays is for people to fucking gamble on. Yet, they put it on fucking TV! What asshole decided horse racing was a good idea to include in Saturday programming!?!? Not only that, but they spend more time talking about the fucking race before and after then they do showing the goddamn thing!

Tennis: What the hell is this shit? Oh, That guy has X number of set points, this many aces, and some deuces. Great. What the fuck is the difference!? And why does it sound like a goddamn poker game? Those games go on entirely too fucking long. Have you ever noticed the assholes are too lazy to even pick up the fucking balls? Once that ball goes down, they make some idiot run out and pick it up for them. Lazy bastards. Ever see how often these idiots slam the ball straight into the net on the serve? I don't know much about tennis, but I know the ball is supposed to go OVER the net! These people are supposed to be professionals and they look like complete idiots out there. I can't believe they cut out the CBS soaps for shit like the U.S. Open. There's another dumbass thing. It's called the U.S. Open, but I don't think I've seen one fucking American on there. You can't understand any of these idiots when they get interviewed. What a lousy show. Now if they tried to hit each other with the ball once in a while, that might be entertaining. Dodgeball with smaller balls. Why not? First person to get knocked out or hit in the nuts looses or most hits after a certain amount of time. First to 21 bruises? whatever. It'd be a lot more fuckin entertaining than the shit they do now. I still don't understand how people can stand to watch it without the TV muted. Holy hell. Every time somebody hits the ball they scream as if they got hit by the motherfucker. "Uhhhh! Aahhh!" Close your goddamn mouth, asshole! If I wasn’t looking at the screen, I’d wonder if someone was watching porno.

Bowling: Bowling is another sport that has managed to inspire an entertaining movie or two, but it's not that goddamn interesting. I've bowled. I have yet to understand the need for those goddamn shoes. I mean what asshole came up with this? I think it's just an excuse for the morons that run the alleys to gouge you for more money. I mean who bothers to buy their own bowling shoes unless they really go a lot? It's kind of funny if you think about it. People actually pay to wear the same funky, fungus filled shoes 100 other people have worn! Maybe with all the paranoid germaphobes we'll start seeing bowling shoes actually sell a bit better.

Olympics: How is any of this shit considered sports??? For that matter, why is it that most of the people on "team USA" aren't even fucking American!?!? "Michelle Qwan" - The name says it all. There are Canadians, Asians, etc.  How the hell are these countries supposed to compete against each other when half the best athletes from those countries are on other fucking teams!? You want to be in the Olympics, compete for the right goddamn country. These idiots do nothing but train all the time. They have no lives outside that shit. They starve themselves to keep their weight down. What the fuck kind of life is that? All in pursuit of a fucking hunk of metal. GET A LIFE! Hell, in the US, they apparently tax the athletes on the value of their medals! Of course, they’re not solid medals anyway. The gold medals probably aren’t even 10% gold. WTF is that shit? Everybody seems to think these bullshit “games” are so important though. I don’t get it.

Gymnastics/Floor exercise - WTF is with all that stupid prancing and posing. Do shit that actually requires some kind of fucking skill!

Diving and Synchronized Diving - What the flying fuck? Do people have nothing better to do than judge how some asshole lands in the water? That's fucking lame.

Ice skating - Another "WTF!?!?" Stupid prancing and posing shit. Really. If you call that a sport, let's add pole/belly dancing while we're at it. At least that'd be fuckin entertaining.

Sledding/Skiing - Once again, STUPID. Put some trees and obstacles in there to make it interesting. I wanna see some idiot land in a tree, nuts first. That'd be halfway entertaining. Then there are these idiots that think cross country skiing is a sport. What crackhead thought that shit up? Have you ever seen that stupid shit? They might as well be having potato sack races!

Boxing - More WTF. "No, I don't wanna be hit anymore! Let's hug!" Fuck off. That shit should be an automatic DQ. If you can't win the fight without fucking around like that, you're trash. Suck each other's cocks in private. It's supposed to be a fucking FIGHT!

Dodgeball should be a sport. Now that's fun shit! :-D

What about the cost of some of this shit? They raise the sales tax and stuff in some states/counties to pay for new stadiums. FUCK YOU! I'm not a sports fan, and I shouldn't have to pay out to support the shit. If you want more money, raise the fuckin ticket prices. Let the goddamn fans pay for the shit if they want it that bad. Better yet, tax the 20 million a year some of the fucking players make!

Fuck Christmas

Fuck holidays. Fuck decorations. Fuck mistletoe and candy canes. Fuck Santa and the elves. Fuck the religious assholes that stole the Pagan celebration of solstice and made it some bullshit religious holiday full of gift giving and family shit. Fuck Hanukkah and the idiots who came up with that too. Fuck Rudolph and Frosty. Roast both those motherfuckers. Fuck turkey and the idiots who thought having it two holidays in a row was smart. We had pulled pork, assholes. Fuck New Years and fuck all the stores that close for it. Fuck the fucking football game on New Years too. Fuck New Years resolutions and the idiots who always feel the need to make them but never keep them anyway. Fuck holiday movies, chestnuts, and fires. Fuck snow, and the idiots who are afraid to drive in it. Fuck fake trees and those teeny tiny little lights. What the fuck happened to real Xmas lights? The ones with bulbs in them the size of a fucking night light!

Yes, I'm a bitter, lonely son of a bitch. I can't stand my life. I can't find a way to change. I'm just stuck here playing Halo. Bah fucking humbug.

Fuck Gamestop

I went into the Gamestop in Hermitage PA to get a copy of Fist of the North Star-Ken's Rage 2 for Xbox360 today. The only "new" copy they had was the bullshit gutted copy with a scuffed disc in the drawer and heavily worn case. The case was for the original game and not the 2nd because the idiots sold the wrong disc with the wrong case previously, so I don't even get the right cover art. Plus, it had 4 stickers all slapped on top of each other at different angles. How the fuck is that a brand new item? That's not even mint condition once the disc is scuffed and stickers are all over the case. I've seen ex-rentals in better shape! You should NOT be able to sell shit like that as new. Nobody else opens the goddamn games for display cases. Come up with something else. If you're too lazy to keep an eye on your own inventory than get those stupid plastic cases Walmart and other places use or print your own goddamn cover art to display. Once you unwrap a game, it's not new anymore. Stop screwing game collectors with garbage in poor condition claiming it's new.

I almost wish Microshaft had gone through with their DRM fuckery on Xbox One. Probably would've shit all over Gamestop. Of course I manage to get fucked over with the one game I go there for the whole xmas season.

Fuck Holiday Shopping

It's beginning to look a lot like FUCK THIS! Tis the season to get fucked in the ass by retailers online and offline.

I think Microsoft is trying to compete with the health care site for worst website ever. Funny how Amazon can have 10 times the inventory on lightning deals and shit all day long and mostly work fine, but Microsoft can't even sell a few Xbox games and bullshit tablets. MICROSOFT! The biggest fucking software company in history can't write a fucking website that works! You can't even email their customer service! That's right. MICROSOFT DOESN'T HAVE EMAIL!!!! Seriously!? They keep chirping about the "infinite power of the cloud." Maybe they should host their fucking website on it so it won't be unusable for hours when the deals go live.

NewEgg kind of failed in the deals department this year, but their site works, so I'll give them props for that. I'm really tired of seeing their marketplace shit though. There should be an option to opt out and only view shit sold by NewEgg itself. They also need to take their eco friendly packaging materials stick them. I miss packing pellets.

Best Buy is fuckin retarded both online and in store. You go in the store and the TV shows aren't just in alphabetical order. No, they're grouped by studio, so you have to look half a dozen differnet sections to find what the fuck you're looking for. Nobody keeps track of what studio releases what. Why would we give a flying fuck!? Then their fucking website is designed by morons that apparently never heard of browser cookies. I seriously can't refresh my wish list to see what prices have changed without logging back it every motherfucking time. I leave the pages open to save time. Having to type my password every couple hours really isn't saving me any time.

Amazon is doing alright, as usual, but one of their deals was seemingly broken for me. An Xbox game that was listed on the deal calender for 9:10am PST on Friday, never showed up on the lightning deals list itself. I followed other stuff to see what it'd go for. This game just wasn't there. The price never changed. Yet, I refreshed the deals calender around 9:15 and it said the deal had a little less than 2 hours left. WHAT THE FUCK? I email Amazon customer service and I get the run around from these fuckers that obviously don't speak english as a first language.

I'm getting tired of this shit. No matter where you shop online, it's the same shit. If you have a problem you have to go through customer service people that you can't understand on the phone or that don't fully comprehend your emails. I'm shopping at an American owned retailer, paying American sales tax with American money. I expect to deal fucking Americans when I have ordering issues!!! The fucking phone company is bad enough. Goddamn! You should not be allowed to outsource customer service. And people wonder why there's no fucking jobs anymore. Fuck factory work. Let the little Asian kids or whoever do it for $1/hour. I don't care. Problem is, they're not happy just saving money on labor for making shit. They're outsourcing everything customer service related, and they use cheap fuckin parts for everything so it doesn't work worth a shit! Seen all the reported issues with the new game consoles? I don't remember a failure rate on the N64 worth talking about. Do you? Things have gone to shit. Microsoft obviously outsourced their website hosting too. Probably outsourced the design itself, and that's why the fucker is so goddamn broken. The guys that wrote Gameshark Central when they were like 12 did better website programming than these fuckers!

You know the other problem with shopping online? All the big stores start their deals at midnight PACIFIC. Fuck your fucking timezone. Why the fuck does everyone to the east get fucked just because your corporate office is in California? Would it seriously be that bad to start 3 hours earlier, so EVERYONE can shop at a reasonable hour!? What the fuck!?

At least I didn't bother fighting my way through the mob of assholes at Walmart this year for $10 games. Holy shit. I went a couple years ago just to get one or two things that were $10. They handed out maps of what is where. Either the map was written by a retard, or the store was stocked by a whole group of them, because the shit wasn't right. It showed videogames in front of the electronics department. Makes sense, right? Sure, there were games...for fucking Wii. No PS3/Xbox stuff. No, the $10 games were at the opposite end of the fucking store. Brilliant! See if I trust their map and wait for them to take the 50 layers of shrink wrap off the fuckin pallets next time.

People are fuckin idiots too. What is it with these silly fuckers camping out for Black Friday? It takes a special kind of asshole to camp out for hours/day just to save $100 on a cheap shit brand TV, or a cheap shit PC. Have fun wasting your day, freezing your tits off, and fighting over a few bargains, shitheads. I'll do the research and buy something decent when the price drops. Hey, do the adult shops have black friday sales? If nothing else, the line outside one of those would probably be interesting. "So what are you shopping for? The 3 foot purple dildos or the half off bondage films?"

Then people online were whining about stores opening on Thanksgiving day cause it's a holiday. Fuck off. Why the hell did Thanksgiving become such an important religious holiday? I don't say grace. I don't even like fuckin turkey. The only reason we didn't smoke some pulled pork instead was my father was watching fuckin football. Fuck football too. Wasn't Thanksgiving started with the whole pilgrims and indians thing? Leave your fucking deity out of it. Fucking stores should stay open. It's a bullshit holiday with no real purpose. Christmas is okay. We get presents and shit on Christmas. Although, they should really change the name since they stole most of the customs from the Pagan celebration of winter solstice and other random religions anyway.

Why isn't anyone bitching about the Salvation Army people that have to freeze their ass off outside stores when there's plenty of room inside? It's fucking stupid, especially at Walmart/Sam's Club. Have you seen the size of their fucking entry room with the carts? The Salvation Army person could easily stand between the sets of doors going in and out where it's nice and warm all day. Nope. Store policy is to make them free their nuggets off for no fucking reason. SERIOUSLY!?!!?

Fuck Waffle House

For me, the Waffle House experience started with a random visit to one in Fort Walton Beach, Florida in 2005. We were on our way to go on a Cruise my mother won out of Tampa, but we stopped in FWB for a singe day to visit my father's cousin. He took us to WH for breakfast, and so began my waffle addiction.

When we got back, we noticed a WH about to open in Niles, OH (winter 2005) and started going there. The food was amazing, and the people were awesome. I had a couple servers that remembered my entire order (right down to the strawberry jelly). Yeah, I'm a creature of habit. One them, Val, moved on to Hubbard WH when that opened. That was a lot closer, so I started go there 3-4 times a week (sometimes more). I started to vary my order a little based on my mood and who was cooking. At the time Val and her ex/boyfriend (Danny) were the two best cooks, even though Val mostly served. After the Austintown WH opened, Val and Danny got into some fight with the owner and lost their jobs. I still keep in touch with them. Val is my best friend. There's a hell of a long story behind that.

Then Bryan and Derek became my cooks of choice. Why do some people suck so much at cooking? I guess half the reason Bryan and Derek were so good was being trained by the master (Danny). Well, I know Derek was. I'm not sure about Bryan. Anyway, All was mostly well around there until the owner (Doug) left the business. There was a guy from corporate there for a bit until they got a new owner. The first thing owner #2 did was fire the 2 best cooks they had (Bryan and Derek), and he wouldn't even give the manager at Hubbard a fucking reason for it!! The asshole also proceeded to run off or fire nearly everyone who originally worked for Doug at both my usual locations. There are currently all of 2 people I know left from the original staff between the 2 locations, and I used to know everybody there.

I didn't bother going in for 6 months or so after losing my favorite cooks a 2nd time and hearing about everyone else quitting and getting fired. Then I tried it once or twice a year and the idiots at the Hubbard WH couldn't even make decent waffles anymore. They still can't, last I knew. I won't even bother going to the Hubbard one anymore, especially with the driveway between WH and Flying J being so fucked up it's ridiculous. I'm not driving through there in my new truck. I decided to try the one in Niles again this summer, and found one of the servers who used to be at the Hubbard one. I also discovered a cook that was actually good (Bobbi). Owner #2 departed, and the local WH locations became corporate.

They've still never learned how to keep the goddamn waffle irons clean. When they make chocolate chip waffles, the chocolate ends up stuck to the iron and gets on other waffles they make for a while. I didn't order a chocolate chip waffle. I don't want that burnt ass black chocolate that's been cooking the past hour on mine! It's a fairly simple problem to solve, but people are fucking lazy. There are like 12 waffle irons there, assholes! Pick one or two and dedicate them exclusively to chocolate chip waffles. Problem solved!

I've decided to only got to WH when Bobbi is cooking now. I mostly did the same when Bryan and Derek were around at Hubbard. I followed their schedule. Problem is the manager at the Niles/Howland one is being a bitch and won't tell me when Bobbi works. Bobbi doesn't care. She tells me her schedule for the week when I remember to ask. It's a half hour fucking ride over there. I'm not coming in to eat unless I know Bobbi is cooking. I don't give a fuck. The manager damn well knows me, and knows my situation. She's obviously annoyed nobody likes her inconsistent cooking. The district manager tried to serve me half a waffle last time he cooked for me (part of it stuck in the iron), so fuck him too. They still don't know how to hang onto workers either. One of those last 2 remaining servers from the original crew even got another job and plans to move on because she's tired of dealing with shit management. She put in for a transfer back to the Hubbard WH like 5 months ago and got ignored.

I have a feeling I'll be needing a new place to eat soon. I was going to Denny's during the time I dropped WH before, but they changed the goddamn sausage about a year ago. I haven't really be inclined to eat there since.

Fuck The Auto Industry

Fuck the car companies. Fuck the greedy, lazy, union assholes that build the cars. Fuck the people who sell them. Fuck the retards that buy the ugliest cars ever made in the ugliest colors. Fuck the people that give financing to people who have no business owning vehicles they can't afford. Fuck the high end rides and the rich trouser stains that throw away money on them to compensate for their tiny dicks.

Yeah, it's one of those days. I just heard something about Toyota discontinuing the FJ Cruiser after 2014. You know. Maybe if you didn't force that ugly fucking white roof on everyone, you'd sell a few more, ASSHOLES! They only make about 2500 per year in a solid color, and they only make one color like that per year. I swear it's like pulling teeth to get any options at all when buying a new vehicle. Dealers don't even want to get you the color you want half the time. You can't get leather on small trucks. They barely have color options for the interior of anything! You can't get a regular cab F-150 with a V8 even though I have a goddamn Ranger with one in it, so it's obviously possible from an engineering standpoint.

These fuckin assholes expect people to spend 30, 40, 80 grand on a car and won't even build it the way we want it. Then the dealers think they can tattoo the fuckin vehicles they sell? I don't know who I hate more: the dealers that stick that name plate on ass end of the vehicles they sell, or the idiots who actually let them get away with it. Why the fuck would you let some asshole advertise on your new ride? You sure as hell aren't getting paid for it. Let them take out a fuckin TV commercial like everybody else. That's another thing that pisses me off. All you hear all day long on TV and radio are these fucking dealerships advertising. Everywhere you look in town there's another car dealer. They're worse than fucking Starbucks! You can't even tell what brand they're dealing half the time because the lot is half full of random shit people traded in. Isn't the economy still in the shitter too? How the hell are all these dealerships still open and still affording to advertise in the first place? Somehow, I wouldn't expect $50k cars to be flying off the goddamn lot. Hey, when the fuck is somebody going to invent flying cars, anyway? All the movies said we'd have them by now.

Then these useless dealers want to go back and forth with you on price. Did I walk into a fucking auction? Is this Craigslist? How the fuck do you negotiate the price of something that's brand fucking new? You can't negotiate the price of gas, DVDs, guns, beer, or a goddamn sandwich. What's with this negotiating shit in the auto industry!!?!? "Well, how much do you want to pay for it?" I'm buying a brand new car, not your fucking sister. Negotiating is for used items and labor, not a new product off a goddamn assembly line! Stop dicking people around, set the motherfucking price up front, and be done with it.

Oh, and what's this bullshit requiring proof of insurance to even transfer the title of a vehicle? Last I checked, I didn't need insurance to have it towed home and put it on display in my fuckin yard. Maybe I just want to hang it from the ceiling like they do with the old cars at Quaker Steak and Lube! I only need insurance if I actually want to drive the motherfucker. Yet, they can't sell me this pile of steel if I can't provide proof of insurance on the spot? Fuck off. They want proof of insurance and all this shit from you, and they can give you plates, but they can't give you the motherfucking little sticker to go on the plates? Fuck sticking that paper to my back window. What's on those fucking things? Gorilla Glue!? The shit never comes off!

They fuck you at the car dealer, ok? They fuck you at the car dealer. First they dazzle you with the newest model. Then they fuck you on options and extras. The insurance company gets to fuck you before you're even allowed to purchase the vehicle. Then when they're done fucking you, along comes the DMV and fucks you some more. $60 a year for a registration sticker the size of a fuckin postage stamp!