Fuck Gaming

Holy shit. How the fuck does any sane person stand gaming anymore? I tried the Devil May Cry 4 Special Edition on XB1, because I loved the 360 version and wanted to earn all the achievements again. Well, fuck if it hasn't added one of the most irritating features I've ever seen. Every time you load up the game OR your controller shuts off while the game is running, you're forced to "choose a profile." What the fuck is wrong with the profile I'm already signed in on and in a party chat with using this controller you stupid motherfucker!?!? Then to make things even better, if you leave the controller off for a while the game locks up with that dialog to connect your controller and press A. Fucking piece of shit. Is there anything that's not broken for at least a year after release? Rare Replay still crashes randomly if you don't hard rest to clear your cache before playing. #LearnToCodeShitThatWorks

Everything in gaming is being made idiot proof nowadays. No, more like retard proof. Every time you do anything, "are you sure?" No, I just selected that for the hell of it. FUCKING DO IT! The only time software should ask me if I'm sure is if I'm fucking deleting something! You go to quit out of a game and it tries to scare the shit out of you about losing your current progress. You just auto-saved 10 seconds ago, you piece of shit! FUCK OFF!

Then 343 is going to start banning everyone for quitting in games. Not just for 15 minutes like Reach, as if that wasn't annoying enough. Now they're going to keep dialing up the time every time you quit again. I can't stand all these geniuses defending quit bans.

1. There will ALWAYS be quitters. It's a fact of life in online games. If you care so much about your w/l or k/d then play with friends instead of randoms.

2. They paid for the game and XBL same as you. If they don't like a map or whatever, they're going to quit. Deal with it.

3. Think about alternative. I've seen it all in Reach, and that only banned for 15 minutes, but it did it every time you quit after a certain point. People will take the best weapons/vehicles and purposely waste them, drive you off the map so you commit suicide, jump on your tank or stand in front of your sniper so you kill them by accident, follow you around and shoot your shields off. The most entertaining thing is to hijack an enemy warthog with the gunner still in it and drive it around to spawn kill your own teammates so they pretty much have to betray you to stop it. I think it's better to just let people quit. Don't you?

The bottom line is, if they don't want to be in the match, they're not going to be much help. They might get 1 kill then rubber band their stick and play games on their phone until the next match. You can't stop them. That's what the XBL rep system is supposed to be for, not 343's heavy handed bullshit. Then again, I was 67% avoided on Reach simply because I took all the kills in firefight and went for kills in multi-team while NEVER going for the objective. In firefight I made a point of taking every vehicle kill on days when they had a daily challenge for it as a statement for those of us who slaved away for the commendation (or still are/were) because fuck casual gamers. "I want my challenge." Fuck you. Vehicle kills in firefight were like tight pussy--a rare and precious thing to those of us trying to get the 12,000 to max the commendation--and some stupid fucker at Bungie/343 somehow thought a daily challenge for getting them was a good idea.

By the way. Fuck Halo. I lined up at midnight for Halo 4 and Halo MCC. Never again. Halo 4 was a fucking joke. Yeah, slap everyone with a bullshit XP cap and start the MP out with almost no playlists. Slayer, slayer, and slayer. It was the same with Halo MCC but worse. On Reach, we had multi-team, SWAT, Snipers, Acton Sack, Infection, Objective. Hell, I don't think MCC even had an FFA list starting off. SWAT was one of the highest population playlists on Reach, but they launch Halo 4 without it? What the fuck? How goddamn hard is it to add a SWAT playlist!? Copy team slayer, set DMR loadouts, disable all other weapons, and turn off shields. Done. How long did it take 343 to fucking do it?

Then MLG gets to have their own playlist with their special hardcore settings for their special players. I say "special" because they're all fucking assholes. I still remember half the people who would hide in firefight for free shit and refuse to actually participate had MLG gamerpics and/or MLG shit in their bio. Come get 469 kills in a firefight match without dying or get one of the top 5 highest firefight scores in the world then tell me you're too fucking good for it.

Then they all argue that camping power weapons and hiding in corners with shotguns/swords is fucking skill. Come try that shit in big team battle, assholes. Every wonder why there's never 8v8 Halo tournaments for MLG, etc? Because they can't handle shit where everyone spawns with access to the same weapons/vehicles on a giant fucking map. Their turbo crouching, ghandi hopping, grenade banking cheap nonsense doesn't fucking work in BTB. It only works on little sandbox maps that they can get an advantage on, and those maps are usually unbalanced to begin with.

Another thing. Why the fuck do Halo games start you with so little ammo for your default loadout compared to other games? I've played games that you start MP matches with 150 rounds for your pistol. You start with like 20 on Halo Reach. I'd rather have more pistol ammo than go fight over a fucking rocket launcher/sniper/shotgun, assholes. Furthermore, why do hardly any shooter games offer a proper semi-auto weapon. Halo has the DMR, but what the hell do other games have? It's almost always this heavy emphasis on spray and pray, full auto shit, instead of accurate weapons. You can have an AR or a Sniper. Want something accurate for medium range instead of spraying? Too fuckin bad. Either there's nothing or there's a pistol you can't find any fucking ammo for...or a pistol that sucks balls like on Sniper Elite V2/3.

If 343 wants to ban someone, they should ban teabaggers. It's like flipping people off in FPS games. Trash talking via the only sign language the game has to offer. Why even have a fucking crouch button? Anyone crouching is usually a fucking douche bag anyway. You know. Those fucking dildos that hide in the corner with a shotgun or just hide and crouch in SWAT trying to get some advantage over anyone approaching. That or ghandi hopping around the entire match in SWAT with fucking bumper jumper and crouch together. Fuck them. Crouching is completely unnecessary in multiplayer.

In any case, Master Shit Collection has too many issues to be enjoyable. These assholes couldn't even code an infinite ammo skull for campaign. Halo CE's Bandanna skull gave infinite ammo for EVERYTHING, but Halo 2's Bandanna/Masterblaster doesn't apply to engery weapons. Nice job, as usual, assholes. Then that fucking IWBYD skull on Halo 2 never spawns to be picked up. 1 in 7 chance, huh guys? Sure, that's why it's been 50+ tries and I still haven't seen the motherfucker spawn. Let us not forget about 343's complete bullshit idea of LASO. LASO is "Legendary ALL Skulls On" NOT just the ones you feel like turning on, you fucking idiots. If you're going to pick and choose, leave out that Blind bullshit like the challenges on Reach always did. If not, turn the Envy skull on along with everything else. Envy was in the original Xbox release of Halo 2. It has no business being left out of LASO or disabling achievements.

I like to complete my games, but there's very little I can really get into in terms of online multiplayer. Anyone smart just gets sessions together on an achievement hunting site and boosts the achievements, which I do. However, there are still idiots who will try to play the oldest and shittiest games ever released. There are also some total shit stains that think that their leaderboard status on a 10 years old game that nobody fucking plays anymore is somehow important or means anything to anyone but them. They'll sit in a lobby all goddamn day just waiting for some random n00b to start up a match so they can ass rape them for their precious stats. Do me a favor, swamp thing. Take a shower, drag your fat ass down to the bus stop, go to Walmart, get a new fucking game that actually has an active population, and learn to play it. Nobody gives a fuck that you're the master of some shit game nobody plays. Please go stroke your cock in private.

Yeah, I know. I'm playing old games too...cause new ones fucking SUCK! Everything that's a strictly online game shits on people who play alone and play alone. I need 6 people to do that? Fuck you. I'm not joining a clan to be able to find enough people to do the shit I want to do on the game I bought. Clans are for kids and southern folk. Sure, it's nice to run with 2-4 friends when you have them, but it's fucking stupid to sit around not being able to do jack shit without them. Therefore, fuck Destiny. People like me also get fucked by arbitrary caps on progress. What the blueberry fuck muffins makes these fucking developers think they should be able to tell me I'm playing too much and limit my goddamn progress? It doesn't matter if it's player versus player or player versus enemy (MMO). These fucking games try to cater to casuals and limit the hardcore players so the assholes that only play a few hours a week don't feel left behind. Fuck them! Gamers are the ones who buy 20+ games per year. Casuals buy one or two and trade them back. Gamers collect the fucking games and play the shit out of them. I played Halo Reach to the tune of 250 DAYS of playtime, and I'm probably barely top 500 for playtime on that game. At this rate, I'll never find another game that's worth putting that kind of time into.

Now my downloads on 360 keep timing out or something because my internet is such shit. I'm NOT getting disconnected from XBL, it just keeps popping up "Can't download..." for no fucking reason. It's really pissing me off. Of course 360 can't multi-task at all. I can't even play a fucking demo or anything offline singleplayer while downloading. Everything stops the fucking download when you boot it. The dashboard is still slow as hell. It shouldn't take so goddamn long to bring up the details page for a game after I hit X to install it. I pressed X to install, not download everything about it from the motherfucking marketplace! 10 years and we're just doing worse instead of better. Fuck.

There's still no straight up blacklist to completely avoid someone you don't want to play with again. What the fuck? The feedback system on 360 was completely meaningless and never avoided the people you told it you wanted to avoid. Do people really expect the XB1 one to not be completely broken too? Hell, 343Imbeciles get to shit on your rep for all of XBL just for quitting matches now, as if Halo MCC wasn't broken enough. The feedback system is a joke. If you're too good, people neg you. If you suck, people neg you. It's a lot like firefight on Reach was. If you were killing too much, you'd get shot with fuel rods. Sit back and try to snipe, you get shot by fuel rods whether you've got the highest score in the game or lowest. People are never happy. All we need is a way to never play with specific people again if they piss us off, and a way to file complaints on anyone that cheats, trash talks, etc. That simple.

Headsets are still shit too. How the fuck are Turtle Beach headsets still so goddamn great, but after all these years they can't prevent the headsets from blasting the rest of the chat party with that crazy loud tone that makes us all rip our headsets off!? Then I swear half the randoms I run into have their mic picking up their TV. How fucking stupid are you that you can't see that voice icon on the screen? That means you're constantly broadcasting your TV through the mic or breathing on it, you fucking idiot. Fix that shit!!!

Automatic updates on XB1 don't work for shit either. I leave my console on 24/7, not fucking standby/sleep/whatever, ON. It should NOT wait until I actually try to load a game to tell me the motherfucker has an update. That should've been downloaded already, assholes. Then you have shit like Warframe that forces you to update within the game so you can't run anything else while it updates. As an added bonus, the stupid fucker stops the update process if your controller shuts off. Who programs this shit!?!??!?!? To further fail, they never update the game installs on the fucking marketplace servers. When I download something, it should be the current fucking version, NOT download THEN demand another 10 gigs in patches. Fuck off.

Where did all this complete shit programming come from? Every game I play on both 360 and XB1 just seems to slow things down for no fucking reason. Lame ass QTEs, unskippable cutscenes, and bullshit unnecessary little cutscenes for EVERYTHING. Why the fuck do I need a cutscene showing me a door unlocked on DMC4 or to show the door opening as I go through on Resident Evil? FUCK OFF! Stop locking me into bullshit scenes for no reason and let me have control! Let me play through the game at my pace. Give me an option to turn off ALL bullshit and just fight through the fucking game. WHY is that so difficult!? Then you play games with online features that you can opt to play solo, and you still have all these fucking countdowns and nonsense when you're alone. Everything is just slow for no fucking reason.

Furthermore, the camera in games should NOT be constantly fucking us over and making things harder. Nintendo did it better with Mario 64 20 fucking years ago than anyone else has since. What the fuck? Why is it so hard to program a decent camera or make it easy for us to adjust the fucking angle? Make a good game with challenging enemies, not bullshit that's challenging because we can't see what the fuck we're doing half the time.

One more thing. What is this "safe area" and screen border setting bullshit on every new game I start? It's not a fucking PC. It's a fucking game console! TVs are almost all 16:9 now. Let anyone with anything old or different go into the settings to adjust their shit. We shouldn't all be nagged by a pointless setting.

PS4 isn't much better, but the UI is a little nicer. I rented The Order 1886 to see what it was like, and I barely made it through the fucking intro. Unskippable cutscenes and QTE shit. The only thing that kept me from ripping out the disc and sending it straight back to Gamefly in the first 60 seconds is how cool the guns look. I wanted to actually get to the point of shooting something before turning it off. PS4 is also complete shit for watching blu-ray movies. The setting whether to allow BDs to connect to the internet or not is broken. Unchecking the box is supposed to mean never allow BDs online, NOT asking me every goddamn time I put a motherfucking disc in! Then the damn thing doesn't autoplay movies like PS3 did. The bluetooth remote is a piece of shit that automatically shuts itself off. The BT remote for PS3 never did that. Wait. That's bluetooth too. Why the fuck can't I use that on PS4, assholes!?

Back on the XB1 front, I picked up Gears of War UE on sale. I didn't get it because I have any interest in the multiplayer or even give a fuck. I got it because I liked the campaign and wanted to play it again for achievements. However, the XB1 won't let me. I waited 50 minutes for that fucking disc to install. It was NOT downloading anything, because on 3mb DSL it would've taken far longer. That was literally disc install time. I declined the 5.4GB update when I started, and I declined it again when I tried to boot the game. The piece of shit refuses to boot the game so I can play singleplayer unless I accept the goddamn update. Again, fuck you, MS. At least PS4 got that much right. PS4 does NOT force you to update before booting a game. You'll likely be force to update if you want to play multiplayer, but that's different. I should NOT have to unplug my internet and play offline to play the damn thing. Then my save isn't synced with the cloud, and I can't communicate with friends. I spend a lot of time in party chat with friends I'm not actually playing with. If nothing else, It helps keep me awake while I work on some of these achievements.

Fuck People

I really get tired of dealing with idiots. I'm banned from posting on TrueAchievements again for calling out a fucking retard. I swear that TA app is just breeding the stupidity. Then again, people nowadays are just stupid in general.

I was looking for sessions to get those 2 bullshit campaign achievements on Halo MCC that require 4 people. You can't add that game to your boost list without getting spammed by a bunch of bullshit sessions though. There's some idiot posting sessions that aren't even sessions just for people to remind themselves about the date based achievements. Fuck off. You're wasting my fucking time clicking on that shit and flooding anyone who's getting email notified of new sessions. Then you have these idiots making sessions for Spartan Ops. There's an achievement to do it SOLO on Legendary, assholes. It's not like it's difficult at all. There's no checkpoint resets. There's only 1 chapter you can actually fail! I could see if you were making sessions to do that keeping marines alive bullshit for both spartan ops and campaign, but to do all that Spartan Ops shit co-op when you need to do it solo anyway is stupid. Today, some asshole posted a session for Annual combined with 20 multiplayer achievements! WTF is wrong with these idiots!?

Then some retard puts up a bullshit session that showed up when looking at the Deja Vu achievement and it pissed me off. This is the one that got me banned. The assclown is doing 4 player sessions to get par times on fucking easy! That's right, run to the forum nannies and get me banned. If you can't speedrun a mission on easy, you don't deserve the fucking achievement. Get a different game that's more your speed. I hear there's a new Barbie game releasing.


Of course, I'm always the asshole. It doesn't matter what I post, where I post it, or how logical my suggestion/complaint/whatever is. I posted on Sony's forum because my PS4 won't stop nagging me to allow blu-ray movies to connect to the internet. There's an option in video playback settings for "Allow Internet Connection." I have that disabled. Any reasonable person would expect that to mean, blu-rays won't ever connect to the internet, NOT that it will ask me every fucking time I insert a disc!!! Yet, people line up to make me the asshole for complaining about it.

Same back on TA. I suggested achievement flags for things that can be idled or completed with a turbo controller. "oh you have to read the solution anyway." By that logic, we don't need to flag anything because you need to read the fucking solution anyway! Hell, we need a special flag now for those bullshit website/publisher club required achievements. Fucking garbage just keeps multiplying. Every fucking time I put a game in I have EA, Ubisoft, or some fucking assholes bugging me for my email address. FUCK OFF! I'm on Xbox. My gamertag is the only registration I should fucking need.

Shortly after writing this on TA, it disappeared along with my ability to write anything on the site: my status, blog, comments on friend feed/solutions, can't even edit my bio. I didn't get a PM from whoever I pissed off this time, but I apparently did a pretty good job of it.

Fuck Political Correctness

Fuck Walmart, Amazon, eBay, South Carolina, and anyone else who gave in to this anti-freedom hate campaign against the Confederate flag. I don't care what color you are, if your great great granddaddy fought for the north or south, or what goddamn religion you follow. Stop being stupid, backward, uptight motherfuckers!

NEWS FLASH: Freedom of Religion does NOT give you the right to ram your beliefs, values, and morals down everyone else's throats! If people want to own guns, play violent video games, watch porn, wave Confederate flags, draw cartoons of your deity, set off fireworks until their yard looks like an army artillery practice range, have sex out of wedlock, have abortions, marry the same sex, fuck farm animals, or sell their ass on the street corner it should be their fucking right!

Why the fuck does everyone think they have a right to censor every fucking thing that bothers them? The bible bothers the fuck out of me, but I can't censor that. I talk like I'm in an 80s action movie cause I like the way the words sound. I don't give a fuck if anyone's offended by it. They have no right to tell me which words are fucking acceptable in conversation. I like "shit." I think people who use "poop" and crap" sound like pussies, but that's their choice. People can't handle the stars and bars or "dirty" words like shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits. Yet, seeing some dude nailed to a cross all the time is somehow acceptable and healthy. Plus, those same people believe some magical being created everyone and everything, sits in the clouds with nothing better to do than listen to their fucking prayers, and he has some kind of divine plan that makes prayers ultimately pointless anyway. Now which crowd sounds fuckin crazy?

The Amish don't believe in electricity or indoor plumbing. How would you like it if they were in charge? The current state of affairs is no different. Look at ancient times compared to now. Amish disown their own children if they don't go along with their ridiculous religion and culture. Bible thumpers disown their children if they're gay. They used to accuse anyone who didn't show up for church on Sunday of witchcraft and burn them at the stake. Look at the crusades. Look at all the ridiculous tribal shit that some cultures believe. Look at all the crazy shit the Muslims claim when they attack us. Look at this world we live in! How can you still believe that your little bible story is the real one that's so fucking great and everything in that book is so true and accurate!? It's a form of control. Plain and simple. Jesse Ventura said it best. "religion is a crutch for the weak-minded."

Let me spell it out. You have NO right to NOT be offended by things. All Americans have a right to free speech. That means we can say what we want, when we want, and not give a flying fuck if anyone else likes it or not. However, these shit beetles somehow think freedom of religion allows them to ban anything that goes against their fucking religion, no matter how illogical or unconstitutional the ban is. I bet there's a constitutional argument to be made for a lot of things are are currently illegal on both state and federal levels, but people just don't have the resources or balls to fight the laws themselves. It's too hard to get laws repealed. I think there are still laws on the books for hanging horse thieves in California. Did you know whaling is illegal in Utah? Think about that for a minute. Whaling...in Utah. See a lot of whales in the fucking desert, do you? If you smoke enough peyote, you probably see lots of things, but that's beside the point here. It's 2015. Why is there still no mail/parcel delivery on Sunday? Fucking churches. Would there not be more jobs for weekend staff if everyone delivered on the fucking weekend!? People are stuck in this 19th century mentality that everything should shutdown on Sunday so you can go to church. Well, that's not how it is anymore.

Fuck Unions

Unions are bullshit archaic organizations invented because of poor safety standards and working conditions in the past. The only purpose they serve now is to protect assholes who don't deserve their jobs and hold employers over a barrel for more money. If people in the 21st century actually had the balls to NOT accept bullshit part time jobs instead of just complaining about their hours, maybe things would change. Maybe not. Ultimately, a business owner should have the right to run shit their way. It's really funny how people rush to defend business owners who turn away LGBT customers; yet, they'll be the same idiots rooting for unions or in one. If you don't like the hours or the money, walk the fuck away. However, we do need some kind of standards to allow people looking for full time work to actually get it, so maybe people should be lobbying for more than just an increase to minimum wage all the time. Forcing people to join the union if they want to work anywhere that has one is also bullshit. Nobody gets a choice in the matter? Fuck your union. I don't want to join. Why should I have to pay for your bullshit? Keep your grubby fucking paws off my paycheck.

What the fuck are unions doing that's actually any good nowadays? Fucking asshole auto workers make $40/hour and still went on strike. The food worker union assholes have actually picketed a few non union grocery stores out of business in this area. Yeah, that's creating jobs. Way to go, assholes. The postal workers get to be terrible at their jobs and pretty much get away with anything, because it's impossible to get the motherfuckers fired. The assholes selling stamps here get to close the post office for an hour and a half to for lunch. What kind of stupid shit is that!? Most doctors don't even get an hour and a half lunch! Is it any wonder the USPS can't turn a fucking profit? The parking lots are terrible and the hours suck. Why would anyone want to bother? Staples is open all day long to ship UPS. Doesn't seem to matter how you ship things anyway. They still show up looking like they got run over by a truck or dunked in a bucket of grease. My hands shouldn't be black by the time I carry a package from UPS into the house and open it.

Teachers are overpaid, entitled assholes too. "Oh, we want more money. Let's strike." Fuck off, you power tripping pieces of shit. The general ed teachers in college are probably some of the worst. They make their classes excessively hard, waste your fucking time, and fuck with your GPA because they know you want nothing to do with their bullshit class and would never pay for it if the college wasn't forcing you to. If more people took a stand, told teachers where to stick their useless bullshit, demanded a proper education the world would be a better place. Nothing changes though. I recently heard about a kid who failed 5 of 8 classes his junior year of high school and still passed. Don't we have enough burger flippers? Society as a whole just keeps getting dumber because nobody teaches kids anything useful. Yeah, load them down with bullshit advanced math they'll never use and lame ass research papers they'll forget everything about in a week. That'll teach them how to survive in the real world. Fuck you. Fuck very much.

Fuck Credit Card Companies

Credit card companies really piss me off. Why the hell is the billing cycle always completely random!? I've seen 30 day billing cycles, 31, 28, even a 34 day. Yet, every fucking statement says they expect to be paid by the 1st of the month. Well, I expect my billing cycle to end on the 1st of the month, assholes! Not the 3rd, 4th, when there's full moon, or however they keep coming up with this shit! Is that really so much to fucking ask?

Fuck Your Religion

Fuck Patrick Stewart too, for that matter. This article is what has me riled today. Look at this bullshit. More religious assholes thinking they can do whatever the hell they want because of their beliefs. You have a right to believe whatever the hell you want. You should NOT be able to discriminate against customers who don't share that belief. We've gone from simple business restrictions like "no shirt, no shoes, no service" to "we'll pick and choose who we serve and how we serve you based what you want and how it fits with our beliefs." NO. Fuck off. Sue these pricks into chapter 11. You're not running a church, assholes. You're running a fucking business. That means you serve everyone who places a fucking order that you can fulfill. Isn't part of obtaining a business license that you agree to equally serve the public? It's just like these fucking businesses who discriminate against gun owners. Somebody should sue them too. If it's legal for me to carry a gun everywhere else in town, it's legal to carry in your store. Fuck how you feel about guns. It's a public place, not your fucking house. If you refuse to hire someone because of their religion/ethnicity/ etc you get your ass sued off. Refusing to serve someone because they order something that they believe in and you don't, or they hold different religious/political views is somehow fine though? If the somebody ran a bakery and refused to write "god" on a cake, the churches would come down on them so fast it'd make your fuckin head spin.

What? "Business owners have rights too?" Like what? The ones with unions sure as shit have no rights. They don't even get to decide who they fire or even how much they're going to pay. If you want to work at Walmart, you accept what they're paying so long it's at least minimum wage or fuck off. You don't get to go on strike cause you want more money. Yet, unions do exactly that. They get to hold business owners over a fuckin barrel. There's always somebody else willing to take the job if you don't want it. Fuck your union. Those things should be a thing of the past now that labor and safety laws, minimum wage, etc exist. Why don't you have a choice whether to join the union or not if you're going to work some place that has one? Somebody should really start a lawsuit over that shit someday.

Look at that Hobby Lobby bullshit though. WTF happened to separation of church and state? The supreme court basically made the religious assholes above the law. That's not how it's supposed to be. It's always been headed that way though. Churches are tax exempt. People like the Amish get away with doing all kinds of shit without getting permits, etc. If I walked a dog and let it shit all over the place I'd be getting cited, but the Amish let their horses shit all up and down the road. They ignore leash laws for their dogs. They don't have to get licensing, inspection, plates, or anything for their buggies. We have to put plates on four wheelers, and those aren't even allowed on the fucking road!

Fuck This New Generation of Gaming

Fuck this new generation of gaming and all the fools who defend it as something worthwhile. Why are people stupid enough to continue pre-ordering games that will almost certainly be fuckin broken on release? Why are people hell bent on making these new consoles out to be so much better than the steaming piles of shit they are? I've actually had a staff member on x360a openly tell the forum members they should add me to ignore because I'm bitching about XB1 too much...in "the official bitching thread" for XB1! If you go against these fanboys, it's like you're speaking in tongues. You might as well be standing in a church on Sunday morning trying to talk people out of that religion bullshit. See my other blog for more on religion. On to the subject at hand...

It started with PS4, didn't it? Then MS rushed the new Xbox, announced a bunch of excessive DRM and TV features, and were promptly told to fuck off by all the real gamers out there. However, the same stupid fucks were still in charge and had a fancy UI designed based on the plan of ramming Kinect down everyone's throats, and just expecting gamers to just sit back and eat it. Again, they were proven wrong. What are we left with? Nearly every game that releases has some kind of issues and ridiculously huge day one patches, essentially making the discs worthless to collectors who actually intend to play them 20 or so years down the road and forcing people to connect online as the DRM would have anyway. Well played, assholes.

That wasn't bad enough though. They put all the money into the bullshit Kinect hardware and couldn't even put halfway current tech in the box itself. Hell, they made the thing the size of a VCR (again) and STILL couldn't put the power supply inside, something Sony has been doing successfully for 4 fucking generations now. All anyone cares about these days is "oooh pretty graphics!" No concern for the fact that the shit planning, obsolete storage tech, and poor software devlopement makes everything just as slow as last gen. Arguably, it's slower, since blu-ray causes every disc to require full install. Flash media is cheap enough. Why not put the games on flash memory similar to the way cartridges used ROM back in the day? Funny thing is Sony is likely profiting somehow from MS using BD tech. Ok, so we need to install the games. Fine, but giving everyone an internal drive that they can fill up with like 10 games, plus it's slow as all hell because they couldn't even be bothered to use an SATA3 chip on the goddamn motherboard!?!? In case you missed it, SATA2 was new tech around the time 360 was fucking new. It's horribly obsolete, and 5400RPM drives have been around even longer. Those drives need to fucking disappear. It's sickening that anyone still chooses them over the 7200RPM that's been standard for 10-15 years or faster tech. Where were we? Oh, yes. Games are still slow. Even using a good USB 3.0 drive doesn't always help. USB also requires extra CPU overhead that SATA doesn't, from what I recall. I remember reading some speed comparisons a while back showing some games benefit from faster storage and some really don't, proving the developers are still at fault as well.

The developers fail at every turn lately and everyone wants to forgive them and just patiently wait for patches to shit that used to work properly on day fucking one 99% of the time. You don't buy a car and wait a month for some dude to come and update your radio so you can use it. Why accept a game that only partially works? Even when they fix things the updates this gen are ridiculously huge. Are they not compressing anything!?!? Don't say it's about the graphics resolution. First, title updates are supposed to fix bugs in the program code, not add new videos and hi-res fucking textures. Second, Even if you're not a programmer/techie, you have to see that games going from being 4GB-8GB for 720P on Xbox360 to 25-60GB for 900-1080P on XB1 is FUCKING INSANE! The updates for XB1 games are bigger than entire 360 games for fuck sake. Not everyone has FIOS to get them done in 5 fucking minutes. I live on a 150 acre farm out in the country and the only thing available is DSL, and I spent 11 years stuck with dialup before that was even made available. I have a bulging disc in my neck along with back problems. I shouldn't have to move to get decent internet, but this is the world we live in. Back on topic...

Why isn't there more outrage over backward compatibility either? All those Xbox Live Arcade games people paid for and you can't bring them to XB1. What's the real reason behind that? The non-tech savvy folks may not realize this, but Microsoft is playing fucking games here. The original Xbox (where Halo and many MS fanboys started) was built with an x86 processor. That's a PC processor. The Xbox360 has a PowerPC processor. Those are Mac processors. Think about that for a minute. MS built a game console with the same type of processor Apple puts in Mac computers. Now where did XB1 go? Back to a fucking PC processor (x86)!!!! Therein lies the biggest issue with backward compatibility. They were able to make some original Xbox games work on 360 because the 360 was actually a substantial enough upgrade over the original to handle the extra emulation required to run the old games. So essentially, MS not only built a weak ass box, they also switched CPU architecture to fuck us a little harder.

What they should've have done was build a new console on the same architecture that could handle 1080P at 60FPS solid as shit, load everything faster (making full installs actually worth doing in comparison to last gen), and still run the old games. Plus, give us dedicated fucking servers for all online gameplay, and controllers that won't wear out so goddamn easily. Why throw away everything about 360 that worked? It took them a year and a half to add voice messages to fucking XB1! I wasn't a fan of voice messages to begin with, since 98% of them are stupid fucks sending clan invites, but the point remains. They spent all those years honing the 360 dashboard to lets say a 9.5/10 then piss all over us with this joke of a new console and new UI. So we're supposed to wait 5 years or more for them to make it good again? Get fucking real.

Plus, we still get stick drift and lame controller issues. They dumped all their time and resources into Kinect and DRM shit and failed to make solid controllers with good components, so we have the same problems we did on 360 instead of actually improving things. Oh, the idiots redesigned the standard mic for no reason and made a fancy proprietary plug though! The 360 started out with unique mic jacks, then abandoned them for standard plugs.  Now they go back to weird proprietary shit? WHY? What was the point of spending time and money redesigning that shit? The default 360 headset was fine, but the XB1 one sucks horribly. All I ever wanted for with a 360 headset was a wireless one EXACTLY the same as the wired one but with no wire. I hate those stupid little bluetooth earpieces.

PS4 fails too, but not as hard. Where do I even begin? Well, I'll give Sony props for keeping the PS3 UI and just updating it instead of completely fucking it up like MS. The only other thing I can praise is Earth Defense Force 4.1. It loads missions almost instantly and handles tons of action on screen while keeping the frame rate smooth as hell. Looks pretty good too, IMO. Now the bad. Why the fuck are there still no USB ports on the back of the unit!? And why are the ones in front right against the goddamn optical drive!? Certain USB sticks could block discs. Hell, the way the shell is formed, my Patriot USB stick wouldn't even plug the fuck in. Nice job, idiots. And what the blue fuck is this trophy syncing bullshit every time you go to view them!? They don't update to the online servers unless you go view your trophies to make them sync? That's a level a fail I didn't even think was possible. It's actually worse than XB1 only popping achievements online. At least trophies fucking pop though. I've heard other games still have shit load times. The HDD is the same 5400RPM junk that's in XB1 and probably plugged into a fucking obsolete SATA2 chip. The controllers still suck, still have bullshit built in batteries, and they changed the type of USB plug on them from what PS3 controllers used. $60 for a fucking controller and you don't even get a cable with it. Then they refuse to offer a cheaper wired model without batteries and fucking bluetooth. Fuck the touch pad and bullshit light bar too. You really can't turn off that battery draining shit!? The mic included is also ridiculously cheap and garbage. It looks like the one that came with my LG flip phone about 12 years back. Way to go Sony. Ram wireless controllers down everyone's throats, but don't include a wireless mic, you cheap fucks. At least the console is flat so you can set other consoles on top of it. The PS3 designs were fuckin stupid.

What about PC gaming? Let's see. Half the games now are being ported from console and don't run any goddamn better. I definitely saw some nasty shit about Dead Rising 3 when it released on PC. I gave up on PC gaming around the time Halo 2 released on PC. This was partly due to taking a liking to achievements on 360 when Halo 3 finally released, and partly due to being completely fed up with Windows, DirectX, and Microsoft's stupid shit. When Halo 2 was released, it was one of the first games to pull that "Vista Only" shit. The hacking scene told MS to fuck off and made Halo 2 run on Windows XP anyway. Alas, PC gaming still sucks. Linux support is growing, hopefully more so with the Steam OS and Steam Machines coming. The developers tend to favor one video card manufacturer over the other and optimize shit to run better on those cards, if they optimize anything at all. I question why the video cards themselves are quite that intertwined with how the game actually runs, but whatever. Then you have shit go on where "oh, the game doesn't work on these drivers. You need the nVidia drivers from 6 months ago. Those work perfectly." Fuck off. Again, the fucking video card should not have such bloated fucking drivers that are breaking things all the goddamn time. Then you have the Windows version bullshit I mentioned before. Don't forget about DirectX though. That's about as bloated and fucked up as it gets. I'd swear every time I installed something I'd get some bullshit about the game or program needing a specific DirectX DLL from a specific month of the fucking year to function. Just having DirectX 8, 9, etc was never good enough. No, you need that DirectX DLL version from march 2011 for this program to function. Got that? Ok, now you need some bullshit Visual Studio runtime library that's probably 4 years old and definitely should've been included in Windows in the first fucking place. What's wrong with OpenGL? Oh, that's right. Microsoft didn't make it. Everyone has to use Microsoft's bullshit. Here's hoping Valve is on the road to ending that circle of terror.