Fuck PC Gamers

For a long time now, I've been pissed about the direction RPGs are going and that most MMORPGs are the same. All the developers have strayed away from classic turn based RPGs, because they're too slow. However, the battle mechanics in newer style RPGs are always complete shit. Ever try to play Oblivion? Why the fuck did everyone love that so much? I don't care how great the graphics were for its time or how deep the story was. The combat mechanics were complete fucking trash! Why can't we get an RPG/MMORPG with combat mechanics like Devil May Cry / Bayonetta / Onimusha? Because those wouldn't work on a keyboard and mouse! FUCK PC gamers! Fuck this slow paced, half assed, clunky battle style that almost every RPG and MMORPG is using. Yes, a mouse might be more accurate than a controller for shooters, but they're no substitute for a controller in a fast paced action game. That's why we can't speed up RPGs. The assholes won't make them with combat mechanics that are only good for controllers, and it's bullshit.

Bungie tried to make Destiny sort of an FPS-MMO. They failed miserably, but at least the idiots tried something different. Destiny is shit, however, because they made all the same mistakes they made with Halo Reach (see my 343 blog). They arbitrarily cap the earnings (100 marks per week). They force co-op down everyone's throats. On consoles, that's especially stupid. Not everyone wants stuck with random teammates or wants to have a game they can't access half of without 6 friends online at the same time with hours to play. Fuck that. Third, they award idiots in PvP with exotic equipment for doing fuckall. p.s. Running around that tower trying to find this merchant and that merchant is fuckin stupid.

Moreover, fuck the people who write trainers for PC games nowadays too. I'm not registering on your bullshit fucking site so you can get an extra hit for your ad revenue and spew adware/spyware/malware. Write a program that works without requiring registration, Java, or any other retarded shit to use. Why is that so goddamn complicated!? The save modding scene for console games is just as ridiculous. Oh, I have to be registered, like your post, AND give you thanks for posting a half assed little tool to edit money and fix the checksum? FUCK YOU! I started messing with games in the good old days when actual cheat devices on consoles were big (Game Genie, Gameshark, AR, Codebreaker). I made 1000s of codes along with fellow game enthusiasts. I know a guy that made Mario walk on water. Nobody had to jump through hoops to access our fucking mods!

Fuck 343 Industries

For those who don't know, 343 Industries is the developer in control of the Halo franchise. Bungie created it, but it was left to 343 when Bungie abandoned it for other bullshit projects. The last Halo game Bungie made was Halo Reach. Within 6 months or so of its release, they left it in the rather incompetent hands of 343i.

343i didn't fix any of the problems in Reach, and they even managed to copy half of them into Halo 4 while taking a giant shit on the franchise copying ideas from Call of Duty. Halo 4 is an abomination, but that's another subject entirely. Halo Reach suffered mostly from the same thing a lot of other games do: complete and total assholes abusing it with zero consequences. People boost matchmaking, betray you when you pick up the weapon/vehicle they wanted, idle co-op (Firefight) for free credits/XP, grief in co-op, and hide in co-op to complete the commendation for completing rounds without dying.

What does 343i do? Not jack shit. They could take complaints on the assholes and reset/ban them, but they're too fuckin lazy. They're also too fuckin lazy to patch the XP output in firefight to keep people who don't participate from being awarded anything. They're even too fuckin lazy to tweak the number of voting rounds in firefight so there are enough to get the maps we want every time. Boosting in competitive multiplayer is also stupid easy to solve, but they won't do that either. All they have to do is stop letting people take parties large enough to control the entire lobby into matchmaking. Limit it so no more than a full team can search each playlist. Simple, yes? Apparently, not for them. "Oh, but what about clans and friends who want to play against each other?" That's what customs are fucking for, assholes! Fuck clans.

About a week ago, stat tracking on Reach went down completely. No kills, deaths, wins, etc count. Has 343i addressed this issue? Nope. They haven't even acknowledged this issue!! I'd go so far as to speculate that they did it on purpose. The game is set to go free for the Games With Gold program later this month, so they obviously don't give a fuck about it anymore. People have posted on 343i's Halo Waypoint forums numerous times the past week demanding answers and getting nothing. We had a similar problem a couple years ago (late 2011?) where the commendations in the game would freeze after you earned a specific amount of XP each day. They tried to raise the daily credit cap, which was fucking retarded in the first place. They had no business ever limiting the progress of legitimate players. If I play 16 hours a day, I want my XP for every motherfucking match! Plenty of people did play the game to that extreme too. This was one of those mistakes I said they carried over to Halo 4, along with the XP payout to people who sat in co-op doing nothing. Anyway, that commendation freezing problem took them THREE MONTHS to fix! MONTHS! To fix something they fucking broke because of something that was bullshit in the first place. Nice fucking job Bungie and 343i.

Hell, 343i can't even program an internet forum properly. The dumbasses set their browser cookies to only last 4 hours. I've had sites keep me logged in for 4 YEARS! That's the whole fucking point of cookies! To remember your goddamn login! Not hassle you every 4 fucking hours! Who the fuck do they think they are, NASA!?!? The email notification of forum replies hasn't worked in years either. Plus, when they ban you from the forum you have no access to your private messages. I find this funny since the staff always sends you a private message rather than emailing you, so you can't read what they said until you're unbanned. I was recently banned for posting "discriminatory" comments and flaming, simply for screaming about the problems still occurring on Reach. I couldn't figure out what they even meant by "discriminatory" until I posted again on something completely pointless and mentioned that I thought the fact that sprees don't reset after you hit the last one was retarded. Yes, they actually banned me for saying a random aspect of the game mechanics was "retarded." The even edited the word "retarded" out of my post. This time, I'm banned until the year 4752. I also have a new private message that I can't read until the ban expires. These guys are a special kind of genius.

If they would put half as much effort into policing the game, as they do their bullshit forums, the game would be a much better experience. That's alright. I only put 6000 hours on the game. What the hell do I know? Just ban me because I used the word "retarded" on the forum dedicated to an M rated adult fucking video game. Excellent job guys. Can't wait to play Halo 5 next year.

Fuck Restaurants - Part 2

More restaurant gripes today. Why is it near impossible to get a meatball sub with normal puree sauce instead of that marinara chunk bullshit!? It's not a fucking taco. I swear bacon is never actually cooked when they put it on sandwiches either. Are there any sub shops for people that do NOT want health food? Fuck Subway. Fuck Jimmy John's too. How the fuck do they stay in business offering only ONE goddamn kind of cheese on subs!? Fuck your fucking Provolone!

Why does everyone try to put cherries on sundaes? What percentage of people actually like cherries? Fuck your decoration. Give me my sundae without that red thing. Also, why the hell don't more places have awesome whipped cream like Outback Steakhouse? It's kind of odd that a steakhouse has better whipped cream for their desserts than a goddamn custard stand. Don't you think?

I've also noticed that it's extremely rare to find a cook that can do over medium eggs properly. Why is it so goddamn hard to give me eggs that aren't runny or fucking burnt? They rush the damn things, and people don't complain enough to get it done right. Then they drown your fucking toast in butter. I like butter as much as the next guy, but I'd like some goddamn toast with it. Who the hell wants soggy toast?

Back on the steak joints... I find it funny that a place like Texas Roadhouse has cheap, local diner silverware that hurts my hand. Outback has nice thick silverware. Too bad they can't cook for shit anymore. I really miss Outback bread. It's been down hill ever since they started that wood fire grill shit though. They apparently don't know how to cook chicken the old way. Who's dumbass idea was it to default the chicken to the wood fire grill, anyway? All it does is dry it the fuck out! Then they don't put any seasoning on anymore even when you say you want it the old way. They used to practically batter that shit in the seasoning, and it was always nice and moist. It melted in my mouth, and I never needed a knife to cut it. Now I hurt my fuckin hand if I try to eat it with just a fork.


Another thing I can totally do without: hard chairs with ass imprints. Why the fuck do they make these chairs with this stupid outline for you ass? Do they serve a lot of retards that don't know which way to sit on the fucking seat or something??? It sure as shit doesn't make the chairs more comfortable. A hard wood fucking chair is a hard wood fucking chair, assholes.