Fuck the Game Developers and Publishers Too

I've seen mention lately that game developers and publishers have been in trouble for a while. THQ went bankrupt, etc. Am I the only one that thinks they brought this shit on themselves? They release buggy shit that's basically beta all the time and expect everyone to wait for patches IF they patch it at all. Most glitched achievements don't get patched. Even the event shit in Gears took 6+ months and only got a half assed fix, and that's one of Microshaft's "system seller" titles.

People aren't impressed with buggy shit, glitched achievements, day one on disc DLC, season passes that cost as much as the game, and micro-transaction infested games. Is it any wonder nobody wants to pay $60 for them anymore? A lot of hardcore fans of each series think Halo and Gears self destructed with their latest installments and aren't likely to buy an XB1 for future titles unless they're extremely impressed with video or get to play demos/betas first.

Fuck the devs. Most of the good ones are gone anyway. I don't particularly like the way any of them are heading, and maybe that's part of the reason they're in trouble. Will we ever see another good Bond game? I bet Rare's Goldeneye turned more of a profit or equal profit to ALL of Activision's shit Bond games combined. Why was Rare only allowed to make one Bond game? Why are there multiple publishers doing Walking Dead, Marvel, etc shit at the same time, but nobody worth a shit can get license to compete with Activision's garbage Bond games? How long does that license last? Everything is expiring and getting delisted from XBLA, but shit that should expire like exclusivity and Bond/WWE licenses never seem to.

Then nobody does options anymore. We don't get to remap our controller buttons. If we're lucky, we get to pick from a few possible setups the devs fucking chose. Could we make reticules and iron sights optional so COD and Halo fans can both enjoy every shooter? Of course not. Can we turn off aim assist on Halo? Nope. Who the fuck needs aim assist on a rocket launcher!?!? It fucked up my multi-kills in firefight more times than I care to remember. I'm aiming at the whole pack and the fucking reticule just decides to randomly follow one enemy that jets past and fuck up the shot. Nice fucking job, devs. Don't cater to those of us that can actually aim, but give MLG their own fucking playlist while you drop all the fun playlists like Action Sack and Firefight Doubles.

btw, fuck MLG too. They should never have had their own playlist on Reach. Wasn't that what Arena was fucking for? Either play with the matchmaking settings everyone else does or fuck off and play something else. That list should've been dropped when Halo 4 was released and they didn't even do that. They dropped the fun stuff instead. Let MLG move the fuck on to the new game.

I would've gladly bought the Who Wants to be a Millionaire game for 360 had Ubisoft not been fucking stupid and required Kinect. Last I saw the game dropped to like $5 brand new. Every other trivia game works with a controller. Why not Millionaire? Because the devs are retarded and/or being bribed by Microshaft to support something a fair number of gamers want nothing to do with. Same with Sixaxis on the PS3/PS4. The devs that are smart enough to make Kinect completely optional get to sell games to both sides, so long as the game doesn't suck entirely to begin with. Star Wars Force Unleashed and FU2 sold extremely well. Did we get a 3rd one? Nope. We got Kinect fucking Star Wars. Fuck you. Fuck you very much.


Let's run down the list...

AKI? Dead.

THQ? Dead, partly because they let go of AKI and kept publishing Yuke's horrible WWE titles year after year. I really hope 2K kicks them to the curb. I'm so tired of their load screen shit every time you even go from one menu to another. I think they might actually hold the record for most uses of a load screen in a game on one of those. Warhammer 40k Space Marine was cool. I loved Juiced 2 and a few others.

Midway: Dead. Probably in large part because they kept shoveling out those 3D MK games nobody really cared for instead of sticking with 2D mechanics. They made awesome sports games on N64 though, as well as a few other gems I wouldn't mind seeing reappear somehow.

Acclaim: I miss the original Turok Dinosaur Hunter. I can't remember much else they had going for them. I do, however, remember them releasing WWF games on N64 during pretty much the same time THQ was. They both released WWF games within 3 months of each other. Why doesn't that happen anymore? Why are we only left with Yuke's bullshit?

Bungie: Ok, they're still here, but they left Halo. There were aspects of Reach that leave me questioning the direction they'll go with Destiny, etc.

Epic: Fucked. Gears Judgment was utter shit, and the event system on both 3 and Judgment being required for achievements and Seriously 3.0 (WTF!) pissed off a lot of achievement hunters. They don't deserve to sell that series anymore if they can't make their achievements properly attainable and not dependent on bullshit events they're to lazy to change or automate properly.

EA: One of the most hated publishers still in existence. They pretty much kill all the series they take over. I'm just glad they failed to acquire Take2(?) when they tried a while back.

Rare: RIP. I don't consider Rare in its current form to really be Rare anymore. Rare made the best Bond game ever. Yet, it was the only one they got to make? EA got to make a bunch of shitty ones, and now Activision is doing it. Rare made a ton of other good stuff too. Now the good programming teams are gone or relegated to Kinect garbage.

Activision: Fuck Activision. They basically rely on puking out an annual COD title and that's it. If the cost of the DLC isn't bad enough, the damn discs don't even drop in price. You see Black Ops 2 sitting in stores for $45 with Ghosts right beside it at $60. What a goddamn joke. Would it kill these assholes to add an option to play classic shooter style with a real reticule and no fucking iron sights? Nobody does options anymore. The Transformers games barely drop in price too. Hell, Activision's bastardized Goldeneye remake took like 4 years to hit $20. I gotta say it twice. Like I said. Fuck them up the ass with a rusty fence post and break it off.

Rockstar: They're still ok, but they're kind of pissing me off too. The PC version of GTA:SA had the option to make your music files the radio in cars. Why didn't GTA4 include that on the console? It would've been awesome, considering how shit the radio was on that one. Probably my favorite GTA, but I can't stand the radio. They need to come up with aiming controls that are worth a damn too. Max Payne 3 was an atrocity. An HD remake of State of Emergency might not be a bad idea either.

Capcom: Another decent company mostly gone to shit. Are they going for the record on releasing the same title the most times with SF4, or what? Damn. Aren't they the ones that started that on disc DLC nonsense too? In any case, the ONLY series Capcom has released with proper controls was the 4 Devil May Cry games. I can't speak for the new one, as I haven't tried it yet. I'd love an HD remake of Onimusha, in spite of the controls. However, Resident Evil 5 was one of the biggest piles of shit I've seen in years. The controls on that game were retarded, the AI was beyond retarded, and Professional difficulty (which I completed last night after much swearing at Wesker and Jill) was just ridiculous. The other stupid thing about RE5 was the cutscenes (and QTEs). Either make a movie or make a game. I don't want to stop for a custscene every 10 fucking seconds! An option to auto skip them might've helped, but we never see options in games anymore. Also, Dead Rising. The biggest complaint people had about the original game was the load screens. What did we get with Dead Rising 2? Even worse load screens! Installing the game does next to nothing.

Squaresoft: Well, they finally remastered FFX, but not on Xbox (WHY?). From what little of FF13 I played, I don't think I like where they're going either. They need to do a proper remastered release of FF7, preferably on all consoles, or piss off. I think FF has run its course.

Fuck Censorship

It seems that being a wimpy bible thumping asshole is becoming an epidemic in this world. Censorship is everywhere for no fucking reason. It even rears its ugly head at one of my blog mirrors, TrueAchievements.com. One of the volunteer staffers looking to feel big and powerful decided to pick on my blog spouting shit about the site being PG-13. The only 13 year olds with 100k gamer score are fucking modders. The guides on that site are written and used mostly by people 16 and over anyway. I'm so tired of everyone making everything about fuckin kids. When do adults get to be fucking adults and say what the hell they please? For that matter, what kid doesn't know profanity by the age of 12 nowadays? Have you heard the little bastards on Xbox Live? Halo, Gears, COD, doesn't matter. There's little kids on all of them talking shit. I used to play Halo with a 14 year old that uses "profanity" more than I ever could.

It's like these idiots that make sites/forums dedicated to M rated games. The game is for ADULTS. You get harassed for ID to buy the fuckin thing. Yet, the fan sites are censored. I should be able to run around those forums with Bad Motherfucker as my username, a pic of nice tits as my avatar, and a gory stick death animated image in my fucking signature.

The words are everywhere: movies, games, even network TV (to an extent). I'm so tired of these sheeple that just buy into the whole offensive words shit. There are 1000s of words in the english language, but these few are just horrible. WHY? What is wrong with these words compared to any other? Answer: NOTHING! The fucking bible thumpers started this shit and everyone keeps buying into it. I say all words are created equal. Express yourself as you fucking see fit.

Someone actually made a comment that "Profanity is the effort of a feeble brain to express itself forcibly.." I'd say it's the other way around. The people who can't handle hearing those words are the ones with feeble fucking brains. I like the way they sound. If you don't, tough shit. I got a quote of my own. "If liberty means anything, it means the right to tell people what they don't want to hear." I always remembered that from The People vs Larry Flynt. Awesome movie, by the way.

Fuck Restaurants

I'd really like to know why it's so hard to find good bacon and sausage anymore. I used to eat bacon subs at Subway, but the bacon suddenly went to shit. It doesn't even taste like bacon anymore. Waffle House's bacon took a sudden turn for the worst as well. Denny's had good bacon and sausage. Then the stupid fucks went and changed their sausage. Now I barely go in. I don't normally like sausage links at most places, because they taste like they're wrapped in a used condom. What is with that thick casing shit they use?


Some states have banned smoking in restaurants now too. I just heard the retards in Commifornia even banned E-cigs. I never smoked, so I don't really give a shit. I think they should keep the places divided into 2 sections though. Instead of a smoking section, why not a section for people with young kids, so the rest of us can enjoy a quiet fucking meal? I mean really. How hard would it be for the hostess to keep putting the people with kids near each other instead of scattering them around the whole fucking building? Most people probably wouldn't even notice they're being divided based on whether or not they've brought their disruptive little spawn with them.

It pisses me off even more when I'm sitting in a restaurant that allows you to seat yourself, the whole place is empty (or near empty), and the next asshole that comes in just has to sit at the very next table. You have the whole fucking place to choose from. Why the fuck would you park your ass beside the one other group in the building!? I don't want to listen to your fucking dinner conversation, your annoying kids, your stupid questions about the menu, or any other goddamn thing! I've also noticed a serious increase in the amount of idiots who bring their meat sirens to dinner, even at the expensive places like steak joints. I started eating at Outback here with my parents when it first opened in the early-mid 90s. I don't think we heard even ONE screaming kid for the first 10 years it was open. Maybe more. So why is it no matter where I go now, what time, or where I sit, I'm subjected to somebody's fucking meat siren!? Even with the economy in the shitter for the longest time, everyone seems to be able to afford the steak joints, etc. Does nobody know how to cook for their fucking kids anymore!? Is this the result of all these over-educated cunts the online dating sites are full of nowadays? They're all working and nobody knows how to cook? Maybe they should've taken a fucking cooking/home economics class while they were working on that fucking masters. I know. I just pissed off some feminists. Equality is all good and well, but if you're planning on having kids, plan on feeding the little fuckers!!! At least for the first few years. Nobody wants to hear your screaming fucking kid at restaurants. I don't give a fuck how cute people say the thing is. Keep it home. If you can afford to go eat Prime Rib, you can afford a fucking babysitter.

Yet another irritating part of the restaurant experience is the way they serve certain things. Am I the only one that gets pissed off when they bring you bread and give you butter that's ice cold and impossible to spread without fucking up your roll/bread!? I don't like being served ice cold barbecue sauce with hot chicken either. Why the hell do they do that!? By the way, why the fuck does everyone go for that boney chicken shit? Boneless white meat for the win! I guess I'm just a "breast man."

More puzzling yet is the quality of cola at restaurants. Why is it every single bar I've been to, or restaurant with a bar, has watered down cola!? Every goddamn time. I can tell just by looking at it most times. If I go to Denny's, Waffle House, etc the cola is nice and strong and just as black as the coffee. Hell, even McDonald's has real cola! It doesn't matter if it's Coke, Pepsi, RC, etc. It's something about these fuckin bars. I don't understand it. Do they think they can get away with being tight asses about the Coke syrup because they mix it with alcohol half the time anyway, or what?

My last gripe for now is the temperature in restaurants. I went to Texas Roadhouse for lunch today and froze my ass off. There used to be a server at WH that blasted the AC constantly too. You know, it'd be nice if the food wasn't frozen by the time it gets to the fucking table. Why can't these idiots keep the thermostat at a level that keeps things comfortable without setting it to "Winter Wonderland!?!??" I, for one, have no interest in dining at the North Pole, ass clowns.

Fuck the Education System

I saw an article today that pissed me off, so I felt the need to rant. I think the comments pissed me off more than the article. Basically, some kid got suspended for 3 days just for asking Miss America to the prom. It's fucking retarded, and some sheeple are actually defending the the school's decision to be fucking assholes about it. "OH NOES! He asked her to the prom?!!??! SUSPEND HIM!" WHAT THE FUCK? They act like he asked if he could smell her sweet spot. Now I think she should go to the prom with that kid just as a "fuck you" to the school. Whatever. The whole Miss America thing is a joke. Half of them aren't that cute. Hell, I can't even pronounce this one's fucking name. moving on...

What do you remember most about school? Do you remember the smartest people in your class (aka NERDS!)? What about the bullies or the sluttiest girls (WHORES!)? The class clown probably comes to mind. Well, I was the smart kid and the class clown. It made for an interesting combination. I was smart enough to know that half of what we were being forced to learn was bullshit, and I was bold enough to throw it in the teachers' faces every chance I got. I use the term "learn" loosely, since school is really just about being force fed knowledge and regurgitating it on a test. Sure you learn some math that sticks with you, but algebra, calculus, and trigonometry are all complete bullshit and a waste of your time unless you intend to be a rocket scientist or something. I’ll never understand these parents that go apeshit when their kid is failing a class that’s complete bullshit to begin with. Take a fucking chill pill and think a little, people.

I remember math in 4th grade was particularly irritating though. Not because it was difficult in any way, but because the teacher was a pain in the ass. The teacher wanted to see everyone's work, but I could do the problems in my head and just write the answers. Either the student teacher thought I was cheating, or she was just pissed cause I was smarter than her. In any case, it turned into a major dispute. I was doing things my own way or not at all. Not much has changed in 20 years. Another thing about 4th grade that sucked was those assholes trying to force music on us. They sold us these shitty plastic things that looked like mini clarinets/flutes. They were called "recorders." Record this, assholes: I had no fucking interest in music then, now or at any time what so fucking ever! You shouldn't be forced to learn shit like that. What pissed me off even more was that my parents were such idiots that they actually sided with the fucking teacher. I don't want to learn to play a musical instrument! What's so complicated about that? I'm 29 now, and that still annoys me.

Once I had a locker (6th grade?), I refused to bring home any books. Homework? Fuck you, that's MY time! You already wasted at least 8 hours of my fucking day. Know what I did? I took my homework from one class to the next and finished it there. If an assignment really sucked, I skipped it. Piss on it. The tests are worth a shitload more than homework anyway, so do half decent on tests and you pass. I guess I was always too smart for my own damn good. I spent more of 7th grade in the hallway/office than I did in class, and I was still on the goddamn honor roll. Why do people still put up with pointless book reports? Regurgitating all this useless info in your own words for 20 pages because the teacher/professor says so? FUCK THEM! Why does everyone just submit to these assholes year after year while they pile on more and more useless shit completely irrelevant to your future? Not only that, but some of you fuckers actually pay for the torture...or ruin your credit trying. If everyone demanded an end to those useless waste of time assignments like writing a fucking report on King Tut's pecker, the shit would go away. People are just so fucking spineless.

In 5th or 6th grade, I figured out that those uncomfortable ceramic chairs in the classroom made for a great fart echo. I think I also learned to make paper footballs around that time. I made a shitload of them even though I hated sports. It was like origami for the artistically challenged. I couldn't draw for shit, but I could make a mean paper football! I also enjoyed making pointless things out of clay. I sucked at that too though. I had metal shop in 7th grade. It's a joke class, but I got my nuts in a ringer because we were expected to build a model T truck or some such shit. All I wanted to do was melt things with the torch all day. I may have roasted a few of the other students' truck parts, but you gotta keep occupied, right? I also had home economics. It wasn't as much fun as shop, but I'm sure we burned a few things. I also threw a chair at some kid that kicked me when I was down. I don't remember what the hell I was doing on the floor in the first place, but I remember getting back up to chase the little bastard with a chair.

There were actually teachers I liked. Geography class was ok. I liked the gym teacher too, but his class really pissed me off. I don't believe in wearing bullshit uniforms to play some lame game for a half hour. I'm probably being generous by even calling it a half hour, since we spent over half the class stretching and running laps. If I wanted to exercise, I'd get some fucking workout videos like the other wackos. When was the last time you heard about a kid pulling a muscle on the playground during recess? I played basketball every morning before English class, but the asshole expected everyone to stretch before playing it in gym class? bullshit. Needless to say, there were plenty of days I would have preferred to skip class and just go wack off in the locker room.

I guess the teachers didn't like me much either. I was assigned a report on yeast infections in science class once. Yeah, a guy really needs to know about that shit. I bet the fat bitch of a teacher needed info and was just too lazy to do her own research. I had another teacher that routinely threw me out of "Language Arts" class. WTF is that supposed to be, anyway? I really don't see the point of forcing kids to learn Greek mythology. Last I checked, the bible wasn't required reading in public schools. That shit amounts to the same thing, in my opinion. I remember amusing myself one day by sneezing all over my desk. It was always an easy way to gross out the girls. Well, that and putting too much hair spray in my hair then shaking it out like dandruff once it dried. I also remember that the bitch somehow came up with the rule that nobody was allowed to go to the bathroom while she was talking. EXCUSE ME!? I don't think you have the right to control anyone's bodily functions but your own.

The principal saw plenty of me, as you might have guessed. I think he generally believed everything I had to say though. Whenever I did shit, I always admitted to it. So when I denied something or accused someone else of something, he knew I wasn't bullshitting him. I got in a dispute with a substitute teacher once over what the real teacher's rules were regarding taking a test the day after you were absent. He dragged me to the principal (kicking and screaming), and I stated my case loud and clear. No detention. I got it plenty of other times though. I got in school suspension once or twice too. It's basically like all day detention. They put you in a room to do your school work and teachers take turns standing guard. Works for me, assuming I chose to actually do the assignments that day. The teachers were boring sons of bitches anyway. Anybody remember those annoying tests with questions you can answer in 2 words but the teachers wanted complete sentences? Fuck them. I got the right answer, and that's that. I had in-school suspension one time, and the asshole watching us throws a book down and demands I answer a bunch of questions in complete sentences. Sure, pal. "#1. The answer is ____." I bet that pissed him off.

Oh, let us not forget lunch at school. The assholes are all wanting kids to eat healthy. It was bad back then, but I know it's a lot worse now. The only time I bought lunch in the cafeteria was when they had pizza, pepperoni rolls, or their version of pepperoni hot pockets. Those hot pockets were awesome too, so much better than the microwave shit at the store. I also never drank milk. They didn't allow us access to the vending machines in the middle school though. If anyone was actually watching them, I went upstairs to the high school vending machines to load up on pop and candy for lunch. Fuck them. I'll eat what I goddamn please.

What about those stupid #2 pencils? We all remember those. What's so goddamn great about #2 pencils? Where the hell can I get a #1 pencil!? Fuck it. I like pens, anyway. Those tests with the bubbles to fill in, which require a #2 pencil, are especially annoying. I love multiple choice tests as much as the next guy. However, using those, the teacher might as well just announce that he/she is a lazy son of a bitch.

Don't forget about having to stand outside in the snow when it's 10 fucking degrees out waiting for the bus. Plus there's the bullshit of constantly having to monitor the TV in the when it snows to find out if school's canceled. Why don't they just have school from spring to fall and break in the winter instead of in the summer? That'd be the smart thing to do, in my opinion. Otherwise, they're always fucking around trying to make up days when they cancel. That's bullshit too. You canceled, it's done, fuck off. You're not getting an extra day out of me later. Ever seen people on the same street end up on different buses? Yep, that's real efficient. Your tax dollars at work, folks. I've even seen a bus driver hit a parked car. How the fuck do you miss a Chevy Silverado? I could see if it was one of those pissy little Mini Coopers or something.

After 7th grade, I decided school really wasn't for me anymore, so I got home-schooled. Good thing too. Had I stuck around, I probably would've been expelled for one reason or another. Schools are run by oppressive motherfuckers that think they can demand respect and give none in return. Respect is earned, assholes. They also think that students shouldn't have any rights whatsoever. They tell them what they can and can't wear, even what they can and can't have printed on t-shirts. "No hats, no sunglasses," and nobody has the balls to stand up to these assholes. Well, it's a good thing I got out before Stone Cold came about in the WWF. Those shirts obviously would not have gone over well, and I'm not into censorship. I probably would've opened a can of whoop ass on someone Stone Cold style too at some point. Some schools also have these "zero tolerance" policies on fighting. Might as well call it a zero logic policy. Some kid gets his ass kicked by a bully and they both get suspended/expelled. That's right. Now they even punish people for getting beat up! Between the insane, arbitrary, illogical, rules and the perpetual presence of bullies in schools, is it any wonder that some kids just go fucking postal?

I guess it's a good thing that I got out before Ritalin and other psychiatric solutions became big in schools too. Kids who refuse to go along and do what they're told nowadays just get diagnosed as having some bullshit problems and have pills crammed down their throats or counseling to make them be like everyone else. Some kids might be genuinely fucked up, but others are just like I was. Schools are no better than the military. They don't want kids thinking for themselves. They want them to follow orders. Hell, they even force kids to pledge to the flag in the morning. What exactly is that supposed to teach our youth? It's another forced ritual that's meaningless itself. Nothing has any meaning if you're simply forced to do it. Another thing I was glad to avoid was the addition of metal detectors in schools. If you're unlucky enough to have to deal with that shit, I suggest wearing chain mail just to fuck with the rent-a-cops. Genital piercings would probably make things interesting too, if you're into that sort of thing.

It’s kind of funny hearing about all these hot young teachers fucking their students nowadays. Where were these women when I was in school? Now THAT’s some fucking sex education. Then people want to crucify the poor women for giving up a little pussy. What red blooded young man doesn’t want to get laid!? Give me some teachers like that and I might’ve actually stayed in school.

Homeschooling is somewhat interesting, if you like solitude, flexible schedules, and being stuck with psychotic parents all the time. The curriculum wasn't much different than a real school would be, except for some bullshit reading requirement. You end up meeting other home-schoolers from time to time. Of course, they're mostly shut-in religious folks that I wanted nothing to do with. You have to be pretty fucked up to play sports in a dress. One of those nutty bitches actually played volleyball in a dress all the time though. I'll never understand people. I wore Stone Cold shirts with "swear" words on them. Nobody really seemed to notice. Maybe I should have gone in drag once just to see if the assholes would actually react to something.

I was also invited to play volleyball with one of my father's relatives on their church team at some point in high school. I wore my Stone Cold shirts for that too. Some old bastard actually had the balls to throw me out one night because my shirt had the word "ass" on it. Why do religious nuts always forget about everything besides Freedom of Religion? I didn't play volleyball again until college. It was entertaining returning a ball off my head and watching the other team look stupid when they found out that it actually counts.

That leads me to college, I suppose--another complete fucking waste of precious time that could've been used to play video games or jerk off. Yes, college. Go take a bunch of bullshit classes that have no bearing on any career you might be interested in, which are run by pompous assholes who think that their particular field is of some monumental importance instead of the painfully boring degree requirement that it really is. It's just amazing that people still put up with this shit as if putting themselves in debt for the next 20 years is somehow going to benefit them later. You might as well go buy a new car and get a job at Walmart. Same fuckin difference.

I went to Penn State Shenango for just over 2 years before I finally woke up and quit. I had been isolated so long before I started college that I apparently forgot my balls at home for the longest time. My real attitude came back to me at some point, obviously. During my first semester, I was invited to join the Lion Ambassadors. That was another mistake. The ambassadors were one of the clubs on campus, except it was by invitation only. They worked with the admissions office. It started out simple enough. Help with open houses, plan fund raisers, etc. Well, every event we planned pretty much failed miserably. The group was filled with some of the dumbest smart kids I've ever met. Well, I got through the first year. At least we figured out where the best room on campus to have our meetings would be the 2nd year. We picked the air conditioned computer lab and reserved it at noon on Wednesdays all that year. As luck would have it, some professor had a class in there right before us. I don't think the class even had anything to do with computers, but the bitch kept staying late all the time. At one point, I got fed up and told her to get the hell out. Of course, that made the guy from the admissions office flip out cause I was rude to a bitch with a PhD. Yeah, you guessed it. That was the end of my experience as an ambassador. Frankly, being run over by one might've been more fun.

Why the fuck do some people have such a hard-on for education? None of it means a damn thing. They don't teach you jack shit, even when you get into the actual courses for your major. What the flying fuck does the AT&T Monopoly have to do with Networking? I don't know, but my asshole professor made it worth 12 points on the fucking exam. The next question was to describe, in technical detail, how a telephone receiver works. Again: what the fuck?!?!? That's not to mention the Hardware exam including shit like what IDE stands for and how many pins certain ports on the computer have, etc. Who gives a fuck how many pins there are!? I know what the hell plugs in where (no thanks to you assholes), and that's all that matters. And who the hell cares what IDE stands for? That's why they invented the acronym!! You buy a Hard Drive, you buy an "IDE" or "SATA" device,  not an "Integrated Drive Electronics" device. They print "IDE," "ATA," etc. on everything. NOONE uses the full bloody name! People who go to school for computer related stuff usually go with the intention of learning something USEFUL for a goddamn career! Not complete bullshit, and not outdated programming languages. I've had people tell me their school is improperly teaching lame shit like HTML 3.0/4.0 and teaching useless junk like Java. Javascript is good, Java is just plain useless. They should be teaching XHTML and CSS2 for fuck sakes.

Anyone considering taking Microsoft certification? Don't bother. Half the shit is still based off Win95 and DOS. What the blue fuck!? And take a look at the A+ test questions. Total shit. They actually expect people to pay like $150 to take that goddamn test? Half the questions don't even have any relevance. There's even a bunch of bullshit questions about how to deal with customers. This isn't business Management 101, assholes! You couldn't pay me to take that test or any other Microsoft certification. Fuck you, Microsoft. Fuck you very much.

Another thing that pisses me off is seeing these stupid degrees on display. Why do people feel the need to frame their degree and put it on the wall to show it off? Fuck you. Anybody can spend a fortune and get one of those lame ass things. How bout being somebody with enough confidence/self esteem that you don't need to show off your stupid degree from Dog Twat University? College is such bullshit. It also pisses me off when people act like it matters which college they went to and that it's the greatest. "I graduated Redneck College in Deer Nuts, Arkansas!" Get bent. The immature assholes that like to advertise which fraternity they got drunk and fucked sheep at need a cup of shut the hell up too.

By the way, why does practically every college have "state" in the name now? Penn State, Ohio Sate, etc make sense, but Youngstown State University? Last I checked, Youngstown was NOT a state. That always bothered me. I know, they're state funded or certified or some stupid shit, right? Well, what's the point in advertising it? It may have meant something when there were only a few schools like that, but now they're all the same. That makes it kind of meaningless.

Going to college doesn't make you smart. It just means you have the patience to deal with that lame shit. Just because someone has Microsoft certification doesn't mean they know dick about computers. Remember that. These fucking companies want people with that stupid piece of paper, even though there are usually people without one who are just as qualified if not better for the task. Then there are always the complete and total assholes that only have their job because they know somebody. It's really a lot like medieval times; if you're not noble, you're fucked.

Some of the professors at these colleges are such assgoblins it's unreal. They take a simple required class and make it hell. They need to realize that 99% of the students in their classes aren't majoring in whatever lame ass general education subject they're teaching, and stop running them like they're fucking masters level classes. When over half the class is failing, it should be obvious that the problem lies with the professor and not the students, and the college should fucking do something about it. I don't care what kind of degree a professor has on their wall. It doesn't give them license to put students through hell and fuck up their otherwise good GPAs.

Anyone going to law school? Goodie for you. Have fun paying off student loans for the next 20 years. You may as well be working at Burger King for all you'll have to show for the first half of your career. Hell, by the time you graduate and pay off your loans you'll probably only be a few years from the old farts' home. Wouldn't college be so much cheaper if you only had to take the classes that were actually relevant to the degree you want? I mean come on. Doesn't the fact that there are 20 year olds filing for bankruptcy and/or committing suicide over the debt caused by college indicate to anyone that's there's a major fucking malfunction here!?!?

They even rape you for textbooks! I know somebody that spent $400 on used books for ONE class! What the fuck is wrong with these professors!? The publishers need to go fuck themselves too. Why the hell do we need a 14th edition of every book?

Know any career students? There's another load of shit: these idiots that just stay in school forever, and the rich, stupid parents that keep paying for year after year of worthless education because their kid doesn't have the balls to join the real world. Yeah, fuck them too.

While I consider the Amish culture to be ass backwards and completely obsolete, they do have the right idea about one thing. They only go to school until 8th grade. Really, what the fuck did you learn after 8th grade in school? That's when they really start piling on the bullshit: Algebra, Trigonometry, Calculus, more History, English classes full of Shakespeare shit, and foreign fucking languages. This is America. Nobody should be forced to learn anything but English. After 8th grade, they don't teach you ANYTHING useful. You should be able to opt to take the test for a GED at the end of 8th grade and be done with it.

You know what else pisses me off about schools? Their obsession with sports. Who the fuck wants to be in a college classroom with a bunch of brainless, hungover jocks that are only there to play sports and don't want to learn anything? Plus, those fuckers take all the seats in the easy classes! Why not let them go straight from high school to pro sports, shrink their nuts with steroids, get arrested for some stupid (probably drug-related) offense, and get it over with? I also despise these schools for wasting tax money on the shit. Last I heard, school taxes were meant for education. Maybe if they dropped some of the bullshit like football and get rid of the classes that teach useless shit, our taxes would be lower. I heard one of the schools nearby spends four grand a month to keep the lights on at the football field all night, every night. Ever think of saving little energy, assholes!? As far as sports programs in general go, they should only be paid for by the people that actually give a rat's testicle about them. Here's a thought for these schools: SELL TICKETS to the games! People want this shit, let THEM pay the fuckin admission price.

Colleges may seem to give you more freedom than high school, but in reality, they're not much better. In some ways, they're worse. I've heard of professors that require their students to buy an electronic monitoring device just so they can tell who's in class. Like nobody's going to give theirs to a friend? Once again I have to question the logic of the dickhead who came up with that, but I also have to question the students who still put up with the classes. WHY put up with these batshit insane professors?

I've heard about programming classes where you get penalized for being too smart. Isn't that lovely? The professor insists that assignments only be done 1 way, matching the professor's own programming style. Most computer literate folks will tell you that's a complete load of shit. It should be about making a program perform a specific function, not how well you can mimic the professor. If it was me, I'd be accusing the professor of fearing students that are smarter than him/her. I'd also accuse them of being a tight ass, prick, son of a bitch with a superiority complex. That's just me though.

There are also plenty of colleges that charge for parking in campus lots. If the 20 grand these cocksuckers charge a semester for classes isn't enough to cover student parking, I'd tell them to go fuck themselves. Schools should be obligated to provide adequate fuckin parking at no extra charge if they expect anyone to show up for class. However, once again we're plagued by pussies that just go along with the rules no matter how wrong they are, so things never change.

These colleges also have a reputation for covering things up. They don't care who gets into trouble or who gets raped. They just want to keep it quiet and keep the money coming in. They pressure/talk students into letting them handle things instead of the cops. Why do people go along with that? The most likely reason is probably fear of being thrown out of college, losing scholarships, etc. There are other schools. Please stop being wussies and stand up for yourselves.

Fuck Realism in Video Games

Am I the only one that thinks developers are focusing too much on realism in games? I hate sports, but I used to buy sports games because they were fun. Put the goalie through the net (Gretzky 3D Hockey), make a player that looks like Frankenstein and dunk from half court (NBA Hangtime), etc. They had a simulation option, but they catered to the people that enjoy the arcade experience. Midway had the right idea there. Now EA and 2K shit all over the arcade fans, so the only idiots buying their games are hardcore sports fans and people looking for easy achievements/trophies.

The same is true of racing games. Why haven't I seen an HD rerelease of Cruis'n USA? That was one of the best racers on N64. Waverace? 1080 Snowboarding? Good shit. Do we get any good snowboarding games anymore? Hell no. Racing games are all simulation shit. I don't want to be on my brakes 80% of the race trying to make bullshit hairpin turns every 10 fucking feet. I want fast paced racing that doesn't have retarded sharp turns every 2 seconds. I want street racing. I like Ridge Racer 6, but they made the AI ridiculously unfair. I still managed to get all but 1 achievement on that. I miss drifting around corners full speed and never needing to slow down. I miss unlocking ridiculous cars that corner like mad. I miss hitting nitrous constantly. Juiced 2 was really fun. Do we get another one of those? Nope. Just more Forza shit.

I see the same thing with shooters. Why does every fucking game have to copy Call of Duty's iron sights bullshit? Why can't we get the option of a reticule? I don't play on a 40 inch HD screen to have the goddamn gun block half the screen when I try to aim. That's another thing. There's no such thing as dead accurate guns anymore. It's all bloom and recoil and shit. Fuck you. I'd actually like to hit where the hell I'm aiming every fucking shot. I'm shooting alien dinosaurs and gremlins that breath helium(?). I need real gun physics like I need a 2nd asshole. You want to give me realism? How bout you stop making wooden doors that are fucking rocket proof?!?!?! Why the hell do I need a key when I have a rocket? You want realism? How bout AI that does NOT have 100% accuracy no matter how fast you run? How bout AI that doesn't magically see me through walls a half mile away? Thank you. Why the hell don't we ever see good railguns in games? The only game that had a proper, Eraser style, railgun was the original Turok Dinosaur Hunter on N64. They called it the Pulse Rifle on there, and it was fucking awesome.