Fuck Normal

I'll be 33 in a few weeks, and I've never actually dated. I'm a nice guy (usually). I'm not terrible looking or anything. So what gives? I was always quiet and a little shy, I guess. I'm just lost on the whole thing. I always end up the friend. When I was younger I was too shy to approach women. Now I'm older, and not much has changed, but it seems 10x harder to actually meet anyone. That's partly due to the fact that I don't fit in with normal society. I got fed up with college. I got fed up with working. Moreover, I got fed up with life in general. Anyone you meet, the first question is always "what do you do?" Mostly, whatever I damn well please. I have back and neck problems now that keep me from working, plus depression and a little anxiety.

I don't really go anywhere or do anything. I'm a movie fanatic and hardcore gamer. I may be boring, but I have a big heart. Sure, I might be willing to try some things, but at the same time I think a lot of things are fuckin stupid. You couldn't pay me to go to a sporting event or concert. I could see going for a comedy show, but it's not something I'd really go out of my way to see, especially since George Carlin is dead. I used to bowl and shoot pool, so that's cool. Not something you really go do alone though.

I look at dating sites now and then, and everyone just seems nuts. The world is shit. Everyone is working multiple jobs, going to college, and possibly raising kids all at once. When the fuck is anyone supposed to have time to socialize anymore? I'm not looking for the psycho who's working 2 jobs and going to grad school. I'm looking for the one that knows how to divide her time and isn't busy 7 days a week. Part of me would probably be content as a hermit, but I really need to try the whole girlfriend experience once in my life.

Fuck PC Gamers

For a long time now, I've been pissed about the direction RPGs are going and that most MMORPGs are the same. All the developers have strayed away from classic turn based RPGs, because they're too slow. However, the battle mechanics in newer style RPGs are always complete shit. Ever try to play Oblivion? Why the fuck did everyone love that so much? I don't care how great the graphics were for its time or how deep the story was. The combat mechanics were complete fucking trash! Why can't we get an RPG/MMORPG with combat mechanics like Devil May Cry / Bayonetta / Onimusha? Because those wouldn't work on a keyboard and mouse! FUCK PC gamers! Fuck this slow paced, half assed, clunky battle style that almost every RPG and MMORPG is using. Yes, a mouse might be more accurate than a controller for shooters, but they're no substitute for a controller in a fast paced action game. That's why we can't speed up RPGs. The assholes won't make them with combat mechanics that are only good for controllers, and it's bullshit.

Bungie tried to make Destiny sort of an FPS-MMO. They failed miserably, but at least the idiots tried something different. Destiny is shit, however, because they made all the same mistakes they made with Halo Reach (see my 343 blog). They arbitrarily cap the earnings (100 marks per week). They force co-op down everyone's throats. On consoles, that's especially stupid. Not everyone wants stuck with random teammates or wants to have a game they can't access half of without 6 friends online at the same time with hours to play. Fuck that. Third, they award idiots in PvP with exotic equipment for doing fuckall. p.s. Running around that tower trying to find this merchant and that merchant is fuckin stupid.

Moreover, fuck the people who write trainers for PC games nowadays too. I'm not registering on your bullshit fucking site so you can get an extra hit for your ad revenue and spew adware/spyware/malware. Write a program that works without requiring registration, Java, or any other retarded shit to use. Why is that so goddamn complicated!? The save modding scene for console games is just as ridiculous. Oh, I have to be registered, like your post, AND give you thanks for posting a half assed little tool to edit money and fix the checksum? FUCK YOU! I started messing with games in the good old days when actual cheat devices on consoles were big (Game Genie, Gameshark, AR, Codebreaker). I made 1000s of codes along with fellow game enthusiasts. I know a guy that made Mario walk on water. Nobody had to jump through hoops to access our fucking mods!

Fuck 343 Industries

For those who don't know, 343 Industries is the developer in control of the Halo franchise. Bungie created it, but it was left to 343 when Bungie abandoned it for other bullshit projects. The last Halo game Bungie made was Halo Reach. Within 6 months or so of its release, they left it in the rather incompetent hands of 343i.

343i didn't fix any of the problems in Reach, and they even managed to copy half of them into Halo 4 while taking a giant shit on the franchise copying ideas from Call of Duty. Halo 4 is an abomination, but that's another subject entirely. Halo Reach suffered mostly from the same thing a lot of other games do: complete and total assholes abusing it with zero consequences. People boost matchmaking, betray you when you pick up the weapon/vehicle they wanted, idle co-op (Firefight) for free credits/XP, grief in co-op, and hide in co-op to complete the commendation for completing rounds without dying.

What does 343i do? Not jack shit. They could take complaints on the assholes and reset/ban them, but they're too fuckin lazy. They're also too fuckin lazy to patch the XP output in firefight to keep people who don't participate from being awarded anything. They're even too fuckin lazy to tweak the number of voting rounds in firefight so there are enough to get the maps we want every time. Boosting in competitive multiplayer is also stupid easy to solve, but they won't do that either. All they have to do is stop letting people take parties large enough to control the entire lobby into matchmaking. Limit it so no more than a full team can search each playlist. Simple, yes? Apparently, not for them. "Oh, but what about clans and friends who want to play against each other?" That's what customs are fucking for, assholes! Fuck clans.

About a week ago, stat tracking on Reach went down completely. No kills, deaths, wins, etc count. Has 343i addressed this issue? Nope. They haven't even acknowledged this issue!! I'd go so far as to speculate that they did it on purpose. The game is set to go free for the Games With Gold program later this month, so they obviously don't give a fuck about it anymore. People have posted on 343i's Halo Waypoint forums numerous times the past week demanding answers and getting nothing. We had a similar problem a couple years ago (late 2011?) where the commendations in the game would freeze after you earned a specific amount of XP each day. They tried to raise the daily credit cap, which was fucking retarded in the first place. They had no business ever limiting the progress of legitimate players. If I play 16 hours a day, I want my XP for every motherfucking match! Plenty of people did play the game to that extreme too. This was one of those mistakes I said they carried over to Halo 4, along with the XP payout to people who sat in co-op doing nothing. Anyway, that commendation freezing problem took them THREE MONTHS to fix! MONTHS! To fix something they fucking broke because of something that was bullshit in the first place. Nice fucking job Bungie and 343i.

Hell, 343i can't even program an internet forum properly. The dumbasses set their browser cookies to only last 4 hours. I've had sites keep me logged in for 4 YEARS! That's the whole fucking point of cookies! To remember your goddamn login! Not hassle you every 4 fucking hours! Who the fuck do they think they are, NASA!?!? The email notification of forum replies hasn't worked in years either. Plus, when they ban you from the forum you have no access to your private messages. I find this funny since the staff always sends you a private message rather than emailing you, so you can't read what they said until you're unbanned. I was recently banned for posting "discriminatory" comments and flaming, simply for screaming about the problems still occurring on Reach. I couldn't figure out what they even meant by "discriminatory" until I posted again on something completely pointless and mentioned that I thought the fact that sprees don't reset after you hit the last one was retarded. Yes, they actually banned me for saying a random aspect of the game mechanics was "retarded." The even edited the word "retarded" out of my post. This time, I'm banned until the year 4752. I also have a new private message that I can't read until the ban expires. These guys are a special kind of genius.

If they would put half as much effort into policing the game, as they do their bullshit forums, the game would be a much better experience. That's alright. I only put 6000 hours on the game. What the hell do I know? Just ban me because I used the word "retarded" on the forum dedicated to an M rated adult fucking video game. Excellent job guys. Can't wait to play Halo 5 next year.

Fuck Restaurants - Part 2

More restaurant gripes today. Why is it near impossible to get a meatball sub with normal puree sauce instead of that marinara chunk bullshit!? It's not a fucking taco. I swear bacon is never actually cooked when they put it on sandwiches either. Are there any sub shops for people that do NOT want health food? Fuck Subway. Fuck Jimmy John's too. How the fuck do they stay in business offering only ONE goddamn kind of cheese on subs!? Fuck your fucking Provolone!

Why does everyone try to put cherries on sundaes? What percentage of people actually like cherries? Fuck your decoration. Give me my sundae without that red thing. Also, why the hell don't more places have awesome whipped cream like Outback Steakhouse? It's kind of odd that a steakhouse has better whipped cream for their desserts than a goddamn custard stand. Don't you think?

I've also noticed that it's extremely rare to find a cook that can do over medium eggs properly. Why is it so goddamn hard to give me eggs that aren't runny or fucking burnt? They rush the damn things, and people don't complain enough to get it done right. Then they drown your fucking toast in butter. I like butter as much as the next guy, but I'd like some goddamn toast with it. Who the hell wants soggy toast?

Back on the steak joints... I find it funny that a place like Texas Roadhouse has cheap, local diner silverware that hurts my hand. Outback has nice thick silverware. Too bad they can't cook for shit anymore. I really miss Outback bread. It's been down hill ever since they started that wood fire grill shit though. They apparently don't know how to cook chicken the old way. Who's dumbass idea was it to default the chicken to the wood fire grill, anyway? All it does is dry it the fuck out! Then they don't put any seasoning on anymore even when you say you want it the old way. They used to practically batter that shit in the seasoning, and it was always nice and moist. It melted in my mouth, and I never needed a knife to cut it. Now I hurt my fuckin hand if I try to eat it with just a fork.


Another thing I can totally do without: hard chairs with ass imprints. Why the fuck do they make these chairs with this stupid outline for you ass? Do they serve a lot of retards that don't know which way to sit on the fucking seat or something??? It sure as shit doesn't make the chairs more comfortable. A hard wood fucking chair is a hard wood fucking chair, assholes.

Fuck Microsoft

Microsoft is such a fucking joke. They've always been a software company, but their software in recent years has been nothing but bloated, busted ass shit. They had to kill Windows XP support to get anyone to move on to newer versions of Windows because nobody liked them. Their forums, website, and web store are all total shit. The online store goes down every year on black Friday because it's an inefficient piece of shit that they subcontracted to a team of idiots.

Their Xbox forums are atrocious. As if censoring half the words you hear on network TV isn't bad enough, they still ban you for using them. That, or they don't like me telling them to fuck off when they require edit notes for fixing a fucking typo. I've NEVER seen a forum require "edit notes" for regular users to edit their posts. It's retarded. Of course, they can't even tell me what they keep banning me for, because they don't have private messaging! Why does everyone insist on using these half assed homebrew forums instead of things like vBulletin and phpBB that actually work!?

The forums on Halo Waypoint, which is owned by Microsoft, are even worse. The assholes that wrote those don't even know what a browser cookie is for. They log you out every 4 fucking hours. Other sites let me stay logged in for 4 months or more, including Xbox.com itself, and that uses the same account! I'm so tired of every forum on the internet trying to cater to fucking family rated content and shitting on the adults that actually pay for their own shit. Forums dedicated to M rated game are even censored to hell. Fuck off.

Here's an idea. How bout keeping little kids from playing the M rated games online with me!?!?!? Why the hell do we have no control over who we get matched with in online games? Xbox won't even give a proper blacklist option to avoid the trolls. They know damn well there are people you run into who you NEVER want to see again, but they don't give a shit. Their rep system is utterly worthless, and the developers could care less about properly policing their game once they get your money. They ban people that quit too much in Halo, but they won't take reports against the assholes that cause half the quitting! They won't fix co-op to only give XP to those who participate, removing half the reason to idle. It would've been a very simple patch for Halo Reach, but they spent months writing and testing an update to nerf a bullshit armor ability that should never have been in competitive multi-player (Armor Lock) instead.

Now we're getting a new Halo game (well sort of new) in a few months, so I have to get their garbage new console (Xbox One) to play it on. A console that has game updates that are bigger than an entire 360 game. Most game updates on Xbox360 were less than 10MB, many less than 1MB. On Xbox One, the updates are commonly in the gigabytes. I've heard of a few games that had 15GB updates. It's ridiculous and borderline retarded of developers to waste that kind of bandwidth/space on updates! I think Microsoft is mostly to blame. I heard the initial update for Sniper Elite 3 on XB1 was 10GB, while the same update for PS4 was only 400MB. What. The. Fuck. Wait, isn't MS a SOFTWARE company? Sony makes fucking TVs, but they somehow made the better console this generation. Interesting.

When you make a new product, it should be finished when you release it. I'm not paying an arm and a leg to be a fucking beta tester, but that's essentially what early buyers are. They left out half the options we had on Xbox 360, even the simplest things. Apparently, you can't even choose to globally disable controller vibration on Xbox One. You have to rely on developers to include the option in the game itself. Of course, those assholes don't even know what options are anymore. You know options? Those neat settings we used to be able to customize everything about the game we're playing? If FPS devs had half a clue, they give us the option of playing with a working reticule all the time (Halo style) or using those shit iron sights that Call of Duty games keep pushing. An option to NOT zoom out when being hit would be nice as well. I'd rather keep exchanging fire while scoped than get knocked out of aim entirely and die because of it, or die because I was trying to zoom out manually and zoomed back in, etc.

I still haven't seen the dashboard on Xbox One, since the system of updating the console itself is retarded too. When you buy a new device that requires software updates, it should do them all at once without being fucking retarded. When I first booted my Xbox One, I was treated to the expected notification that an update was required. Ok, fine. I left it download through the night. Now I get up the next morning and find that it wants to update AGAIN! WTF? Am I supposed to download 6 months or more of separate monthly updates one at a time!? That's fucking stupid. Update the son of a bitch and be done with it! Holy shit the people that write this software are stupid. This is just as bad as game updates on Xbox360 kicking you out of party chats and offline completely to get a tiny little update for one fucking game!

I can't wait to see how cheap the controllers are made this time around. I lost count of how many I wore out playing Halo on Xbox 360. Keep failing, Microshaft. Keep failing. I think Sony still has double the amount of PS4s sold as Xbox Ones. Is it any wonder why gamers are defecting to Sony?

Fuck Infrared Remotes

What is it with this ancient fucking technology that electronics companies are too stubborn or too cheap to kill!?!? This the the 21st century. I should NOT need bullshit fucking "line of sight" to operate my goddamn blu-ray player. They do apps, streaming, 3D, 4K/UHD, and connect to your fucking smart phone, but they won't use a bluetooth or RF remote. WHY!?!?! Where's the innovation!? Where's the advancement? Where's the progression of technology in this hardware? Everything is about to go HDMI 2.0 and all this happy shit, but it's still made with garbage IR remotes. PS3 is the only device to have a bluetooth media remote at this point. We had a satellite dish when I was a kid, and the receiver had an RF remote that worked anywhere in the goddamn house. I didn't even need to be in the same room to change the channel! 20 years later, where are we? Going fucking back asswards like most of the world. No forward thinking unless it's to save a buck or worth advertising.

Same reason so many TVs still have such shit input lag compared to PC monitors. With all the technology currently available, there's no excuse for a screen to be absolute shit for gaming even in "GAME MODE!" Now with 4K, it'll go downhill again in terms of performance until that tech is in its prime. Then we'll need something new and they'll start fucking it up all over again instead of honing the tech until it's perfect for everything. At least Plasma is finally dying. We didn't need that shit cluttering up stores anymore. How many different types of TV tech do we really need? Hopefully this bullshit 3D fad is on its way out too.

Fuck Dating SItes

Do normal/boring women exist anymore? I'm so tired of these dating sites. Why does everyone need multiple degrees and a goddamn Masters nowadays? Can you really find nothing better to do than spend half your goddamn life in school!? All the women I see on these sites are over educated, over religious, vegetarian health nut, sports fanatics, and all the cute ones are from Pittsburgh! Fuck Pittsburgh! Fuck the sports teams, fuck the traffic, fuck the parking garages with low ceilings, and fuck that bitch from the National Weather Service in Pittsburgh who doesn't even know how to say "Pittsburgh!"

I don't get it. Well, I sort of get it, but it's bullshit. When I was younger, I tried the college thing and worked a bit. At that age, money doesn't matter much. I was quiet and shy and never got out much. I'm not outgoing. When people talk to me, I talk. Otherwise, I don't really have shit to say. I went to a boring local college, worked a couple jobs, and got pissed off because I never met anyone. Anyone I did meet ended up a friend. Don't get me wrong, I have some awesome friends. The point is I'm terrible at meeting women and always will be. At this age, now money is an issue. I mean, I always have some cash, but I don't work. I don't have some lame ass 9-5 career that pays big bucks. I have neck and back problems from a car accident a while back. Hell, I had my appendix out a few years back and they found a damn tumor in it. Which means, on top of my busy, exciting life, I also got to keep getting poked and scanned the past few years. Nothing's really come of it, besides getting more used to blood work.

I never got my own place because I didn't need one that bad. I couldn't meet anyone, so I'd just be sitting there alone playing video games. I can do that sitting here on the farm, and it's a hell of a lot cheaper. The internet access sucks, and there's no pizza delivery though. I also have to put up with two assholes, one of which insists on treating me like I'm 16 forever, but I digress. I'm a nice guy. I'm honest, kind, and caring. I'm generally polite, but I don't censor myself. That should be pretty obvious. I'm not religious. I'm not registered to vote. I don't watch sports. I like sports movies. I could watch those all day long. Fuck the real thing though. Did I mention I don't censor myself? I don't smoke. I don't drink either, really. I guess I use enough 4 letter words to make up for not doing the other 2.

All I ever really wanted was a good woman--plus good internet and a good video game. I never dreamed of some bullshit special career. I look at the world a little differently. Maybe that makes me an asshole. Ok, I'm done venting for tonight. Back to Halo.

Fuck Applebee's

There's an article about an Applebee's waitress who got fired for posting a picture of a note some asshole customer left on a receipt. It's an old article, but it pisses me off, so I figured I draw a little attention to it. This fucking bible thumper thought he was too good to leave a tip. Then when the note proving what an asshole he is hit the internet, he bitched until Applebee's fired the server who posted it. It should be noted that this server did NOT violate any company policy doing what she did. Fuck Applebee's and fuck this tightwad, son of a bitch bible thumper who doesn't tip. Assholes need to stop hiding behind their religion and using it as an excuse to be dicks.

I know a guy in Allentown who was thrown out of an Applebee's because he carries a gun (legally). Applebee's corporate does NOT have any policy against weapons, and he was given a free meal. I bet the asshole that threw him out still has a job though, unlike the server in the article.

Fuck My Life Redux

Minor update. I'm in a mood.

Well, I'm not the 40 year old virgin, but I could certainly use some help. I'll be 33 in December, and I've never actually been on a date. I've always been that quiet guy who can stand around a not say shit all night unless someone actually talks to me. Hell, I barely know what to say when contacting someone I don't know by email. I'm not outgoing enough to pickup women, and it pisses me off. It's not that I just want to get laid either. In fact, I truly want a relationship. I did get laid once, but that was about the equivalent of a hooker without the cost. Long story. Don't get me wrong. I appreciate the pussy, but I'm looking for something more. No, not a threesome (though I wouldn't object).

I'm a simple guy from a small town in western Pennsylvania. I live on a big farm that's been in the family name since Civil War times. Yes, it's my parents' place. No, I don't live in the basement. Although, it would be much cooler in the summer. I have neck and back problems from a car accident years ago (wasn't my fault, wasn't even driving!), so I'm not working. I also sort of had cancer. I had my appendix out in 2011, and they found a carcinoid tumor in it. Small one. No big deal. I'm a movie fanatic. I enjoy video games, pool, bowling, target shooting, etc. I have a big heart. The size of other things is for the right woman to judge.

I never got out much when I was younger. I was home schooled from 8th grade on. Of course, my mother was never much help. She's paranoid, overprotective, slightly brain damaged, and FUCKING NUTS. There's really nothing around here. I can't even get decent internet cause I'm stuck in the country with a bunch of goddamn Amish neighbors. I swear this place is the new Florida. Everywhere I go, all I see is old people. I think the only good thing that ever came out of this state is the chick that used to play Tammy on Guiding Light. ;)

Then people tell me "You meet somebody at school or work." I sure as hell didn't. I spent a little over 2 years at the local Penn State campus and got tired of it. Then I worked for about a year. That job ended mostly over management canning a cute girl I knew in another department. Of course, she was already seeing someone, so it's not like I was scoring any points tossing the job. It was just the principle of it. I also met an awesome waitress at Waffle House a while back, but as usual, every woman I meet only wants a friend. She ended up the most expensive friend I've ever had after she lost her job, but I love her.

What's next? I know: "Go on dating sites." If you can spend 3 years on dating sites and still not get a date, you might be an asshole. I know I'm an asshole, but I'm also a gentleman. I also know dating sites fucking suck. There's a handful of local hotties that get their inbox spammed by every male on the site and pretty much ignore them all (assuming the profile is real to begin with). Then, as you start sifting through all your "matches," you begin to realize the only cute women there are divorced with like 4 kids or batshit crazy. Now, one kid, I might be alright with. I have a friend with a daughter I absolutely adore. Although, I'd kind of prefer making my own mistakes over raising someone else's.

Now, I'm not saying I need some stick figure or that I like fat chicks. Any size woman can be cute or butt ugly. Unfortunately, dating sites are full of the latter. Yeah, yeah. "Looks aren't everything." No, but they're damn well part of the equation. There's also a lot of over-achieving types that work a job or two plus go to school. What am I supposed to say? "Yeah, pencil me in for lunch sometime next month, honey." ??? Fuck that. I swear half the women on these goddamn sites have a Masters degree or they're working it. I even saw one that's working on a SECOND Master's. Talk about over-educated. I mean, I know there isn't shit else to do in this area, but damn! Find a less expensive hobby. Then you have the women who waste your time even more with awesome profiles, BUT they're just looking for friends. Friends are on Facebook. A dating site is for dating.

p.s. Online dating tip of the day: If you're going to take a picture of yourself in the mirror, turn the fucking flash off.

The dating sites that want money really piss me off. Every site on the fucking internet has private messaging and email for free, but you expect people to fork over $20 a month for it!? Then you let everybody and their retarded sister register for free and don't tell us which ones are paying subscribers that can actually reply. I get ignored enough without wondering if the women are able to respond in the first place, idiots. Not only that, but the free sites are better organized with nicer profiles and less hassle. Match.com makes you wait for approval on every little change to your profile. WHY!? Why must nearly every site and every service in existence treat us like fucking children!? The free ones don't hassle or censor me. I can say what the hell I want, which is getting pretty rare.

Mail order brides are out thanks to bullshit immigration laws nowadays. They apparently require you to actually visit the woman in her own country before you can fly her in. These women look for foreign men because they want to get the fuck out of the shit hole they live in. Why the fuck would I want to visit it!?

Another thing people say that pisses me off is that I "need to have a job to get women." I worked. I didn't get any. Now I'm making just as much as when I worked sitting on my ass with a bad neck. Guess what. I could still afford a nice dinner for two somewhere, and I actually have time to enjoy the company. I guess I'm a little bit like Jack Dawson (Titanic). I don't claim to be a hopeless romantic, but I believe in love. I believe life should be more than punching a time clock 6 days a week, paying the bills, and still being too broke and tired to fucking enjoy the rest of your week. Call me crazy.

My OkCupid Profile in case anyone is curious.

Fuck the Game Developers and Publishers Too

I've seen mention lately that game developers and publishers have been in trouble for a while. THQ went bankrupt, etc. Am I the only one that thinks they brought this shit on themselves? They release buggy shit that's basically beta all the time and expect everyone to wait for patches IF they patch it at all. Most glitched achievements don't get patched. Even the event shit in Gears took 6+ months and only got a half assed fix, and that's one of Microshaft's "system seller" titles.

People aren't impressed with buggy shit, glitched achievements, day one on disc DLC, season passes that cost as much as the game, and micro-transaction infested games. Is it any wonder nobody wants to pay $60 for them anymore? A lot of hardcore fans of each series think Halo and Gears self destructed with their latest installments and aren't likely to buy an XB1 for future titles unless they're extremely impressed with video or get to play demos/betas first.

Fuck the devs. Most of the good ones are gone anyway. I don't particularly like the way any of them are heading, and maybe that's part of the reason they're in trouble. Will we ever see another good Bond game? I bet Rare's Goldeneye turned more of a profit or equal profit to ALL of Activision's shit Bond games combined. Why was Rare only allowed to make one Bond game? Why are there multiple publishers doing Walking Dead, Marvel, etc shit at the same time, but nobody worth a shit can get license to compete with Activision's garbage Bond games? How long does that license last? Everything is expiring and getting delisted from XBLA, but shit that should expire like exclusivity and Bond/WWE licenses never seem to.

Then nobody does options anymore. We don't get to remap our controller buttons. If we're lucky, we get to pick from a few possible setups the devs fucking chose. Could we make reticules and iron sights optional so COD and Halo fans can both enjoy every shooter? Of course not. Can we turn off aim assist on Halo? Nope. Who the fuck needs aim assist on a rocket launcher!?!? It fucked up my multi-kills in firefight more times than I care to remember. I'm aiming at the whole pack and the fucking reticule just decides to randomly follow one enemy that jets past and fuck up the shot. Nice fucking job, devs. Don't cater to those of us that can actually aim, but give MLG their own fucking playlist while you drop all the fun playlists like Action Sack and Firefight Doubles.

btw, fuck MLG too. They should never have had their own playlist on Reach. Wasn't that what Arena was fucking for? Either play with the matchmaking settings everyone else does or fuck off and play something else. That list should've been dropped when Halo 4 was released and they didn't even do that. They dropped the fun stuff instead. Let MLG move the fuck on to the new game.

I would've gladly bought the Who Wants to be a Millionaire game for 360 had Ubisoft not been fucking stupid and required Kinect. Last I saw the game dropped to like $5 brand new. Every other trivia game works with a controller. Why not Millionaire? Because the devs are retarded and/or being bribed by Microshaft to support something a fair number of gamers want nothing to do with. Same with Sixaxis on the PS3/PS4. The devs that are smart enough to make Kinect completely optional get to sell games to both sides, so long as the game doesn't suck entirely to begin with. Star Wars Force Unleashed and FU2 sold extremely well. Did we get a 3rd one? Nope. We got Kinect fucking Star Wars. Fuck you. Fuck you very much.


Let's run down the list...

AKI? Dead.

THQ? Dead, partly because they let go of AKI and kept publishing Yuke's horrible WWE titles year after year. I really hope 2K kicks them to the curb. I'm so tired of their load screen shit every time you even go from one menu to another. I think they might actually hold the record for most uses of a load screen in a game on one of those. Warhammer 40k Space Marine was cool. I loved Juiced 2 and a few others.

Midway: Dead. Probably in large part because they kept shoveling out those 3D MK games nobody really cared for instead of sticking with 2D mechanics. They made awesome sports games on N64 though, as well as a few other gems I wouldn't mind seeing reappear somehow.

Acclaim: I miss the original Turok Dinosaur Hunter. I can't remember much else they had going for them. I do, however, remember them releasing WWF games on N64 during pretty much the same time THQ was. They both released WWF games within 3 months of each other. Why doesn't that happen anymore? Why are we only left with Yuke's bullshit?

Bungie: Ok, they're still here, but they left Halo. There were aspects of Reach that leave me questioning the direction they'll go with Destiny, etc.

Epic: Fucked. Gears Judgment was utter shit, and the event system on both 3 and Judgment being required for achievements and Seriously 3.0 (WTF!) pissed off a lot of achievement hunters. They don't deserve to sell that series anymore if they can't make their achievements properly attainable and not dependent on bullshit events they're to lazy to change or automate properly.

EA: One of the most hated publishers still in existence. They pretty much kill all the series they take over. I'm just glad they failed to acquire Take2(?) when they tried a while back.

Rare: RIP. I don't consider Rare in its current form to really be Rare anymore. Rare made the best Bond game ever. Yet, it was the only one they got to make? EA got to make a bunch of shitty ones, and now Activision is doing it. Rare made a ton of other good stuff too. Now the good programming teams are gone or relegated to Kinect garbage.

Activision: Fuck Activision. They basically rely on puking out an annual COD title and that's it. If the cost of the DLC isn't bad enough, the damn discs don't even drop in price. You see Black Ops 2 sitting in stores for $45 with Ghosts right beside it at $60. What a goddamn joke. Would it kill these assholes to add an option to play classic shooter style with a real reticule and no fucking iron sights? Nobody does options anymore. The Transformers games barely drop in price too. Hell, Activision's bastardized Goldeneye remake took like 4 years to hit $20. I gotta say it twice. Like I said. Fuck them up the ass with a rusty fence post and break it off.

Rockstar: They're still ok, but they're kind of pissing me off too. The PC version of GTA:SA had the option to make your music files the radio in cars. Why didn't GTA4 include that on the console? It would've been awesome, considering how shit the radio was on that one. Probably my favorite GTA, but I can't stand the radio. They need to come up with aiming controls that are worth a damn too. Max Payne 3 was an atrocity. An HD remake of State of Emergency might not be a bad idea either.

Capcom: Another decent company mostly gone to shit. Are they going for the record on releasing the same title the most times with SF4, or what? Damn. Aren't they the ones that started that on disc DLC nonsense too? In any case, the ONLY series Capcom has released with proper controls was the 4 Devil May Cry games. I can't speak for the new one, as I haven't tried it yet. I'd love an HD remake of Onimusha, in spite of the controls. However, Resident Evil 5 was one of the biggest piles of shit I've seen in years. The controls on that game were retarded, the AI was beyond retarded, and Professional difficulty (which I completed last night after much swearing at Wesker and Jill) was just ridiculous. The other stupid thing about RE5 was the cutscenes (and QTEs). Either make a movie or make a game. I don't want to stop for a custscene every 10 fucking seconds! An option to auto skip them might've helped, but we never see options in games anymore. Also, Dead Rising. The biggest complaint people had about the original game was the load screens. What did we get with Dead Rising 2? Even worse load screens! Installing the game does next to nothing.

Squaresoft: Well, they finally remastered FFX, but not on Xbox (WHY?). From what little of FF13 I played, I don't think I like where they're going either. They need to do a proper remastered release of FF7, preferably on all consoles, or piss off. I think FF has run its course.

Fuck Censorship

It seems that being a wimpy bible thumping asshole is becoming an epidemic in this world. Censorship is everywhere for no fucking reason. It even rears its ugly head at one of my blog mirrors, TrueAchievements.com. One of the volunteer staffers looking to feel big and powerful decided to pick on my blog spouting shit about the site being PG-13. The only 13 year olds with 100k gamer score are fucking modders. The guides on that site are written and used mostly by people 16 and over anyway. I'm so tired of everyone making everything about fuckin kids. When do adults get to be fucking adults and say what the hell they please? For that matter, what kid doesn't know profanity by the age of 12 nowadays? Have you heard the little bastards on Xbox Live? Halo, Gears, COD, doesn't matter. There's little kids on all of them talking shit. I used to play Halo with a 14 year old that uses "profanity" more than I ever could.

It's like these idiots that make sites/forums dedicated to M rated games. The game is for ADULTS. You get harassed for ID to buy the fuckin thing. Yet, the fan sites are censored. I should be able to run around those forums with Bad Motherfucker as my username, a pic of nice tits as my avatar, and a gory stick death animated image in my fucking signature.

The words are everywhere: movies, games, even network TV (to an extent). I'm so tired of these sheeple that just buy into the whole offensive words shit. There are 1000s of words in the english language, but these few are just horrible. WHY? What is wrong with these words compared to any other? Answer: NOTHING! The fucking bible thumpers started this shit and everyone keeps buying into it. I say all words are created equal. Express yourself as you fucking see fit.

Someone actually made a comment that "Profanity is the effort of a feeble brain to express itself forcibly.." I'd say it's the other way around. The people who can't handle hearing those words are the ones with feeble fucking brains. I like the way they sound. If you don't, tough shit. I got a quote of my own. "If liberty means anything, it means the right to tell people what they don't want to hear." I always remembered that from The People vs Larry Flynt. Awesome movie, by the way.

Fuck Restaurants

I'd really like to know why it's so hard to find good bacon and sausage anymore. I used to eat bacon subs at Subway, but the bacon suddenly went to shit. It doesn't even taste like bacon anymore. Waffle House's bacon took a sudden turn for the worst as well. Denny's had good bacon and sausage. Then the stupid fucks went and changed their sausage. Now I barely go in. I don't normally like sausage links at most places, because they taste like they're wrapped in a used condom. What is with that thick casing shit they use?


Some states have banned smoking in restaurants now too. I just heard the retards in Commifornia even banned E-cigs. I never smoked, so I don't really give a shit. I think they should keep the places divided into 2 sections though. Instead of a smoking section, why not a section for people with young kids, so the rest of us can enjoy a quiet fucking meal? I mean really. How hard would it be for the hostess to keep putting the people with kids near each other instead of scattering them around the whole fucking building? Most people probably wouldn't even notice they're being divided based on whether or not they've brought their disruptive little spawn with them.

It pisses me off even more when I'm sitting in a restaurant that allows you to seat yourself, the whole place is empty (or near empty), and the next asshole that comes in just has to sit at the very next table. You have the whole fucking place to choose from. Why the fuck would you park your ass beside the one other group in the building!? I don't want to listen to your fucking dinner conversation, your annoying kids, your stupid questions about the menu, or any other goddamn thing! I've also noticed a serious increase in the amount of idiots who bring their meat sirens to dinner, even at the expensive places like steak joints. I started eating at Outback here with my parents when it first opened in the early-mid 90s. I don't think we heard even ONE screaming kid for the first 10 years it was open. Maybe more. So why is it no matter where I go now, what time, or where I sit, I'm subjected to somebody's fucking meat siren!? Even with the economy in the shitter for the longest time, everyone seems to be able to afford the steak joints, etc. Does nobody know how to cook for their fucking kids anymore!? Is this the result of all these over-educated cunts the online dating sites are full of nowadays? They're all working and nobody knows how to cook? Maybe they should've taken a fucking cooking/home economics class while they were working on that fucking masters. I know. I just pissed off some feminists. Equality is all good and well, but if you're planning on having kids, plan on feeding the little fuckers!!! At least for the first few years. Nobody wants to hear your screaming fucking kid at restaurants. I don't give a fuck how cute people say the thing is. Keep it home. If you can afford to go eat Prime Rib, you can afford a fucking babysitter.

Yet another irritating part of the restaurant experience is the way they serve certain things. Am I the only one that gets pissed off when they bring you bread and give you butter that's ice cold and impossible to spread without fucking up your roll/bread!? I don't like being served ice cold barbecue sauce with hot chicken either. Why the hell do they do that!? By the way, why the fuck does everyone go for that boney chicken shit? Boneless white meat for the win! I guess I'm just a "breast man."

More puzzling yet is the quality of cola at restaurants. Why is it every single bar I've been to, or restaurant with a bar, has watered down cola!? Every goddamn time. I can tell just by looking at it most times. If I go to Denny's, Waffle House, etc the cola is nice and strong and just as black as the coffee. Hell, even McDonald's has real cola! It doesn't matter if it's Coke, Pepsi, RC, etc. It's something about these fuckin bars. I don't understand it. Do they think they can get away with being tight asses about the Coke syrup because they mix it with alcohol half the time anyway, or what?

My last gripe for now is the temperature in restaurants. I went to Texas Roadhouse for lunch today and froze my ass off. There used to be a server at WH that blasted the AC constantly too. You know, it'd be nice if the food wasn't frozen by the time it gets to the fucking table. Why can't these idiots keep the thermostat at a level that keeps things comfortable without setting it to "Winter Wonderland!?!??" I, for one, have no interest in dining at the North Pole, ass clowns.

Fuck the Education System

I saw an article today that pissed me off, so I felt the need to rant. I think the comments pissed me off more than the article. Basically, some kid got suspended for 3 days just for asking Miss America to the prom. It's fucking retarded, and some sheeple are actually defending the the school's decision to be fucking assholes about it. "OH NOES! He asked her to the prom?!!??! SUSPEND HIM!" WHAT THE FUCK? They act like he asked if he could smell her sweet spot. Now I think she should go to the prom with that kid just as a "fuck you" to the school. Whatever. The whole Miss America thing is a joke. Half of them aren't that cute. Hell, I can't even pronounce this one's fucking name. moving on...

What do you remember most about school? Do you remember the smartest people in your class (aka NERDS!)? What about the bullies or the sluttiest girls (WHORES!)? The class clown probably comes to mind. Well, I was the smart kid and the class clown. It made for an interesting combination. I was smart enough to know that half of what we were being forced to learn was bullshit, and I was bold enough to throw it in the teachers' faces every chance I got. I use the term "learn" loosely, since school is really just about being force fed knowledge and regurgitating it on a test. Sure you learn some math that sticks with you, but algebra, calculus, and trigonometry are all complete bullshit and a waste of your time unless you intend to be a rocket scientist or something. I’ll never understand these parents that go apeshit when their kid is failing a class that’s complete bullshit to begin with. Take a fucking chill pill and think a little, people.

I remember math in 4th grade was particularly irritating though. Not because it was difficult in any way, but because the teacher was a pain in the ass. The teacher wanted to see everyone's work, but I could do the problems in my head and just write the answers. Either the student teacher thought I was cheating, or she was just pissed cause I was smarter than her. In any case, it turned into a major dispute. I was doing things my own way or not at all. Not much has changed in 20 years. Another thing about 4th grade that sucked was those assholes trying to force music on us. They sold us these shitty plastic things that looked like mini clarinets/flutes. They were called "recorders." Record this, assholes: I had no fucking interest in music then, now or at any time what so fucking ever! You shouldn't be forced to learn shit like that. What pissed me off even more was that my parents were such idiots that they actually sided with the fucking teacher. I don't want to learn to play a musical instrument! What's so complicated about that? I'm 29 now, and that still annoys me.

Once I had a locker (6th grade?), I refused to bring home any books. Homework? Fuck you, that's MY time! You already wasted at least 8 hours of my fucking day. Know what I did? I took my homework from one class to the next and finished it there. If an assignment really sucked, I skipped it. Piss on it. The tests are worth a shitload more than homework anyway, so do half decent on tests and you pass. I guess I was always too smart for my own damn good. I spent more of 7th grade in the hallway/office than I did in class, and I was still on the goddamn honor roll. Why do people still put up with pointless book reports? Regurgitating all this useless info in your own words for 20 pages because the teacher/professor says so? FUCK THEM! Why does everyone just submit to these assholes year after year while they pile on more and more useless shit completely irrelevant to your future? Not only that, but some of you fuckers actually pay for the torture...or ruin your credit trying. If everyone demanded an end to those useless waste of time assignments like writing a fucking report on King Tut's pecker, the shit would go away. People are just so fucking spineless.

In 5th or 6th grade, I figured out that those uncomfortable ceramic chairs in the classroom made for a great fart echo. I think I also learned to make paper footballs around that time. I made a shitload of them even though I hated sports. It was like origami for the artistically challenged. I couldn't draw for shit, but I could make a mean paper football! I also enjoyed making pointless things out of clay. I sucked at that too though. I had metal shop in 7th grade. It's a joke class, but I got my nuts in a ringer because we were expected to build a model T truck or some such shit. All I wanted to do was melt things with the torch all day. I may have roasted a few of the other students' truck parts, but you gotta keep occupied, right? I also had home economics. It wasn't as much fun as shop, but I'm sure we burned a few things. I also threw a chair at some kid that kicked me when I was down. I don't remember what the hell I was doing on the floor in the first place, but I remember getting back up to chase the little bastard with a chair.

There were actually teachers I liked. Geography class was ok. I liked the gym teacher too, but his class really pissed me off. I don't believe in wearing bullshit uniforms to play some lame game for a half hour. I'm probably being generous by even calling it a half hour, since we spent over half the class stretching and running laps. If I wanted to exercise, I'd get some fucking workout videos like the other wackos. When was the last time you heard about a kid pulling a muscle on the playground during recess? I played basketball every morning before English class, but the asshole expected everyone to stretch before playing it in gym class? bullshit. Needless to say, there were plenty of days I would have preferred to skip class and just go wack off in the locker room.

I guess the teachers didn't like me much either. I was assigned a report on yeast infections in science class once. Yeah, a guy really needs to know about that shit. I bet the fat bitch of a teacher needed info and was just too lazy to do her own research. I had another teacher that routinely threw me out of "Language Arts" class. WTF is that supposed to be, anyway? I really don't see the point of forcing kids to learn Greek mythology. Last I checked, the bible wasn't required reading in public schools. That shit amounts to the same thing, in my opinion. I remember amusing myself one day by sneezing all over my desk. It was always an easy way to gross out the girls. Well, that and putting too much hair spray in my hair then shaking it out like dandruff once it dried. I also remember that the bitch somehow came up with the rule that nobody was allowed to go to the bathroom while she was talking. EXCUSE ME!? I don't think you have the right to control anyone's bodily functions but your own.

The principal saw plenty of me, as you might have guessed. I think he generally believed everything I had to say though. Whenever I did shit, I always admitted to it. So when I denied something or accused someone else of something, he knew I wasn't bullshitting him. I got in a dispute with a substitute teacher once over what the real teacher's rules were regarding taking a test the day after you were absent. He dragged me to the principal (kicking and screaming), and I stated my case loud and clear. No detention. I got it plenty of other times though. I got in school suspension once or twice too. It's basically like all day detention. They put you in a room to do your school work and teachers take turns standing guard. Works for me, assuming I chose to actually do the assignments that day. The teachers were boring sons of bitches anyway. Anybody remember those annoying tests with questions you can answer in 2 words but the teachers wanted complete sentences? Fuck them. I got the right answer, and that's that. I had in-school suspension one time, and the asshole watching us throws a book down and demands I answer a bunch of questions in complete sentences. Sure, pal. "#1. The answer is ____." I bet that pissed him off.

Oh, let us not forget lunch at school. The assholes are all wanting kids to eat healthy. It was bad back then, but I know it's a lot worse now. The only time I bought lunch in the cafeteria was when they had pizza, pepperoni rolls, or their version of pepperoni hot pockets. Those hot pockets were awesome too, so much better than the microwave shit at the store. I also never drank milk. They didn't allow us access to the vending machines in the middle school though. If anyone was actually watching them, I went upstairs to the high school vending machines to load up on pop and candy for lunch. Fuck them. I'll eat what I goddamn please.

What about those stupid #2 pencils? We all remember those. What's so goddamn great about #2 pencils? Where the hell can I get a #1 pencil!? Fuck it. I like pens, anyway. Those tests with the bubbles to fill in, which require a #2 pencil, are especially annoying. I love multiple choice tests as much as the next guy. However, using those, the teacher might as well just announce that he/she is a lazy son of a bitch.

Don't forget about having to stand outside in the snow when it's 10 fucking degrees out waiting for the bus. Plus there's the bullshit of constantly having to monitor the TV in the when it snows to find out if school's canceled. Why don't they just have school from spring to fall and break in the winter instead of in the summer? That'd be the smart thing to do, in my opinion. Otherwise, they're always fucking around trying to make up days when they cancel. That's bullshit too. You canceled, it's done, fuck off. You're not getting an extra day out of me later. Ever seen people on the same street end up on different buses? Yep, that's real efficient. Your tax dollars at work, folks. I've even seen a bus driver hit a parked car. How the fuck do you miss a Chevy Silverado? I could see if it was one of those pissy little Mini Coopers or something.

After 7th grade, I decided school really wasn't for me anymore, so I got home-schooled. Good thing too. Had I stuck around, I probably would've been expelled for one reason or another. Schools are run by oppressive motherfuckers that think they can demand respect and give none in return. Respect is earned, assholes. They also think that students shouldn't have any rights whatsoever. They tell them what they can and can't wear, even what they can and can't have printed on t-shirts. "No hats, no sunglasses," and nobody has the balls to stand up to these assholes. Well, it's a good thing I got out before Stone Cold came about in the WWF. Those shirts obviously would not have gone over well, and I'm not into censorship. I probably would've opened a can of whoop ass on someone Stone Cold style too at some point. Some schools also have these "zero tolerance" policies on fighting. Might as well call it a zero logic policy. Some kid gets his ass kicked by a bully and they both get suspended/expelled. That's right. Now they even punish people for getting beat up! Between the insane, arbitrary, illogical, rules and the perpetual presence of bullies in schools, is it any wonder that some kids just go fucking postal?

I guess it's a good thing that I got out before Ritalin and other psychiatric solutions became big in schools too. Kids who refuse to go along and do what they're told nowadays just get diagnosed as having some bullshit problems and have pills crammed down their throats or counseling to make them be like everyone else. Some kids might be genuinely fucked up, but others are just like I was. Schools are no better than the military. They don't want kids thinking for themselves. They want them to follow orders. Hell, they even force kids to pledge to the flag in the morning. What exactly is that supposed to teach our youth? It's another forced ritual that's meaningless itself. Nothing has any meaning if you're simply forced to do it. Another thing I was glad to avoid was the addition of metal detectors in schools. If you're unlucky enough to have to deal with that shit, I suggest wearing chain mail just to fuck with the rent-a-cops. Genital piercings would probably make things interesting too, if you're into that sort of thing.

It’s kind of funny hearing about all these hot young teachers fucking their students nowadays. Where were these women when I was in school? Now THAT’s some fucking sex education. Then people want to crucify the poor women for giving up a little pussy. What red blooded young man doesn’t want to get laid!? Give me some teachers like that and I might’ve actually stayed in school.

Homeschooling is somewhat interesting, if you like solitude, flexible schedules, and being stuck with psychotic parents all the time. The curriculum wasn't much different than a real school would be, except for some bullshit reading requirement. You end up meeting other home-schoolers from time to time. Of course, they're mostly shut-in religious folks that I wanted nothing to do with. You have to be pretty fucked up to play sports in a dress. One of those nutty bitches actually played volleyball in a dress all the time though. I'll never understand people. I wore Stone Cold shirts with "swear" words on them. Nobody really seemed to notice. Maybe I should have gone in drag once just to see if the assholes would actually react to something.

I was also invited to play volleyball with one of my father's relatives on their church team at some point in high school. I wore my Stone Cold shirts for that too. Some old bastard actually had the balls to throw me out one night because my shirt had the word "ass" on it. Why do religious nuts always forget about everything besides Freedom of Religion? I didn't play volleyball again until college. It was entertaining returning a ball off my head and watching the other team look stupid when they found out that it actually counts.

That leads me to college, I suppose--another complete fucking waste of precious time that could've been used to play video games or jerk off. Yes, college. Go take a bunch of bullshit classes that have no bearing on any career you might be interested in, which are run by pompous assholes who think that their particular field is of some monumental importance instead of the painfully boring degree requirement that it really is. It's just amazing that people still put up with this shit as if putting themselves in debt for the next 20 years is somehow going to benefit them later. You might as well go buy a new car and get a job at Walmart. Same fuckin difference.

I went to Penn State Shenango for just over 2 years before I finally woke up and quit. I had been isolated so long before I started college that I apparently forgot my balls at home for the longest time. My real attitude came back to me at some point, obviously. During my first semester, I was invited to join the Lion Ambassadors. That was another mistake. The ambassadors were one of the clubs on campus, except it was by invitation only. They worked with the admissions office. It started out simple enough. Help with open houses, plan fund raisers, etc. Well, every event we planned pretty much failed miserably. The group was filled with some of the dumbest smart kids I've ever met. Well, I got through the first year. At least we figured out where the best room on campus to have our meetings would be the 2nd year. We picked the air conditioned computer lab and reserved it at noon on Wednesdays all that year. As luck would have it, some professor had a class in there right before us. I don't think the class even had anything to do with computers, but the bitch kept staying late all the time. At one point, I got fed up and told her to get the hell out. Of course, that made the guy from the admissions office flip out cause I was rude to a bitch with a PhD. Yeah, you guessed it. That was the end of my experience as an ambassador. Frankly, being run over by one might've been more fun.

Why the fuck do some people have such a hard-on for education? None of it means a damn thing. They don't teach you jack shit, even when you get into the actual courses for your major. What the flying fuck does the AT&T Monopoly have to do with Networking? I don't know, but my asshole professor made it worth 12 points on the fucking exam. The next question was to describe, in technical detail, how a telephone receiver works. Again: what the fuck?!?!? That's not to mention the Hardware exam including shit like what IDE stands for and how many pins certain ports on the computer have, etc. Who gives a fuck how many pins there are!? I know what the hell plugs in where (no thanks to you assholes), and that's all that matters. And who the hell cares what IDE stands for? That's why they invented the acronym!! You buy a Hard Drive, you buy an "IDE" or "SATA" device,  not an "Integrated Drive Electronics" device. They print "IDE," "ATA," etc. on everything. NOONE uses the full bloody name! People who go to school for computer related stuff usually go with the intention of learning something USEFUL for a goddamn career! Not complete bullshit, and not outdated programming languages. I've had people tell me their school is improperly teaching lame shit like HTML 3.0/4.0 and teaching useless junk like Java. Javascript is good, Java is just plain useless. They should be teaching XHTML and CSS2 for fuck sakes.

Anyone considering taking Microsoft certification? Don't bother. Half the shit is still based off Win95 and DOS. What the blue fuck!? And take a look at the A+ test questions. Total shit. They actually expect people to pay like $150 to take that goddamn test? Half the questions don't even have any relevance. There's even a bunch of bullshit questions about how to deal with customers. This isn't business Management 101, assholes! You couldn't pay me to take that test or any other Microsoft certification. Fuck you, Microsoft. Fuck you very much.

Another thing that pisses me off is seeing these stupid degrees on display. Why do people feel the need to frame their degree and put it on the wall to show it off? Fuck you. Anybody can spend a fortune and get one of those lame ass things. How bout being somebody with enough confidence/self esteem that you don't need to show off your stupid degree from Dog Twat University? College is such bullshit. It also pisses me off when people act like it matters which college they went to and that it's the greatest. "I graduated Redneck College in Deer Nuts, Arkansas!" Get bent. The immature assholes that like to advertise which fraternity they got drunk and fucked sheep at need a cup of shut the hell up too.

By the way, why does practically every college have "state" in the name now? Penn State, Ohio Sate, etc make sense, but Youngstown State University? Last I checked, Youngstown was NOT a state. That always bothered me. I know, they're state funded or certified or some stupid shit, right? Well, what's the point in advertising it? It may have meant something when there were only a few schools like that, but now they're all the same. That makes it kind of meaningless.

Going to college doesn't make you smart. It just means you have the patience to deal with that lame shit. Just because someone has Microsoft certification doesn't mean they know dick about computers. Remember that. These fucking companies want people with that stupid piece of paper, even though there are usually people without one who are just as qualified if not better for the task. Then there are always the complete and total assholes that only have their job because they know somebody. It's really a lot like medieval times; if you're not noble, you're fucked.

Some of the professors at these colleges are such assgoblins it's unreal. They take a simple required class and make it hell. They need to realize that 99% of the students in their classes aren't majoring in whatever lame ass general education subject they're teaching, and stop running them like they're fucking masters level classes. When over half the class is failing, it should be obvious that the problem lies with the professor and not the students, and the college should fucking do something about it. I don't care what kind of degree a professor has on their wall. It doesn't give them license to put students through hell and fuck up their otherwise good GPAs.

Anyone going to law school? Goodie for you. Have fun paying off student loans for the next 20 years. You may as well be working at Burger King for all you'll have to show for the first half of your career. Hell, by the time you graduate and pay off your loans you'll probably only be a few years from the old farts' home. Wouldn't college be so much cheaper if you only had to take the classes that were actually relevant to the degree you want? I mean come on. Doesn't the fact that there are 20 year olds filing for bankruptcy and/or committing suicide over the debt caused by college indicate to anyone that's there's a major fucking malfunction here!?!?

They even rape you for textbooks! I know somebody that spent $400 on used books for ONE class! What the fuck is wrong with these professors!? The publishers need to go fuck themselves too. Why the hell do we need a 14th edition of every book?

Know any career students? There's another load of shit: these idiots that just stay in school forever, and the rich, stupid parents that keep paying for year after year of worthless education because their kid doesn't have the balls to join the real world. Yeah, fuck them too.

While I consider the Amish culture to be ass backwards and completely obsolete, they do have the right idea about one thing. They only go to school until 8th grade. Really, what the fuck did you learn after 8th grade in school? That's when they really start piling on the bullshit: Algebra, Trigonometry, Calculus, more History, English classes full of Shakespeare shit, and foreign fucking languages. This is America. Nobody should be forced to learn anything but English. After 8th grade, they don't teach you ANYTHING useful. You should be able to opt to take the test for a GED at the end of 8th grade and be done with it.

You know what else pisses me off about schools? Their obsession with sports. Who the fuck wants to be in a college classroom with a bunch of brainless, hungover jocks that are only there to play sports and don't want to learn anything? Plus, those fuckers take all the seats in the easy classes! Why not let them go straight from high school to pro sports, shrink their nuts with steroids, get arrested for some stupid (probably drug-related) offense, and get it over with? I also despise these schools for wasting tax money on the shit. Last I heard, school taxes were meant for education. Maybe if they dropped some of the bullshit like football and get rid of the classes that teach useless shit, our taxes would be lower. I heard one of the schools nearby spends four grand a month to keep the lights on at the football field all night, every night. Ever think of saving little energy, assholes!? As far as sports programs in general go, they should only be paid for by the people that actually give a rat's testicle about them. Here's a thought for these schools: SELL TICKETS to the games! People want this shit, let THEM pay the fuckin admission price.

Colleges may seem to give you more freedom than high school, but in reality, they're not much better. In some ways, they're worse. I've heard of professors that require their students to buy an electronic monitoring device just so they can tell who's in class. Like nobody's going to give theirs to a friend? Once again I have to question the logic of the dickhead who came up with that, but I also have to question the students who still put up with the classes. WHY put up with these batshit insane professors?

I've heard about programming classes where you get penalized for being too smart. Isn't that lovely? The professor insists that assignments only be done 1 way, matching the professor's own programming style. Most computer literate folks will tell you that's a complete load of shit. It should be about making a program perform a specific function, not how well you can mimic the professor. If it was me, I'd be accusing the professor of fearing students that are smarter than him/her. I'd also accuse them of being a tight ass, prick, son of a bitch with a superiority complex. That's just me though.

There are also plenty of colleges that charge for parking in campus lots. If the 20 grand these cocksuckers charge a semester for classes isn't enough to cover student parking, I'd tell them to go fuck themselves. Schools should be obligated to provide adequate fuckin parking at no extra charge if they expect anyone to show up for class. However, once again we're plagued by pussies that just go along with the rules no matter how wrong they are, so things never change.

These colleges also have a reputation for covering things up. They don't care who gets into trouble or who gets raped. They just want to keep it quiet and keep the money coming in. They pressure/talk students into letting them handle things instead of the cops. Why do people go along with that? The most likely reason is probably fear of being thrown out of college, losing scholarships, etc. There are other schools. Please stop being wussies and stand up for yourselves.

Fuck Realism in Video Games

Am I the only one that thinks developers are focusing too much on realism in games? I hate sports, but I used to buy sports games because they were fun. Put the goalie through the net (Gretzky 3D Hockey), make a player that looks like Frankenstein and dunk from half court (NBA Hangtime), etc. They had a simulation option, but they catered to the people that enjoy the arcade experience. Midway had the right idea there. Now EA and 2K shit all over the arcade fans, so the only idiots buying their games are hardcore sports fans and people looking for easy achievements/trophies.

The same is true of racing games. Why haven't I seen an HD rerelease of Cruis'n USA? That was one of the best racers on N64. Waverace? 1080 Snowboarding? Good shit. Do we get any good snowboarding games anymore? Hell no. Racing games are all simulation shit. I don't want to be on my brakes 80% of the race trying to make bullshit hairpin turns every 10 fucking feet. I want fast paced racing that doesn't have retarded sharp turns every 2 seconds. I want street racing. I like Ridge Racer 6, but they made the AI ridiculously unfair. I still managed to get all but 1 achievement on that. I miss drifting around corners full speed and never needing to slow down. I miss unlocking ridiculous cars that corner like mad. I miss hitting nitrous constantly. Juiced 2 was really fun. Do we get another one of those? Nope. Just more Forza shit.

I see the same thing with shooters. Why does every fucking game have to copy Call of Duty's iron sights bullshit? Why can't we get the option of a reticule? I don't play on a 40 inch HD screen to have the goddamn gun block half the screen when I try to aim. That's another thing. There's no such thing as dead accurate guns anymore. It's all bloom and recoil and shit. Fuck you. I'd actually like to hit where the hell I'm aiming every fucking shot. I'm shooting alien dinosaurs and gremlins that breath helium(?). I need real gun physics like I need a 2nd asshole. You want to give me realism? How bout you stop making wooden doors that are fucking rocket proof?!?!?! Why the hell do I need a key when I have a rocket? You want realism? How bout AI that does NOT have 100% accuracy no matter how fast you run? How bout AI that doesn't magically see me through walls a half mile away? Thank you. Why the hell don't we ever see good railguns in games? The only game that had a proper, Eraser style, railgun was the original Turok Dinosaur Hunter on N64. They called it the Pulse Rifle on there, and it was fucking awesome.

Fuck Sports

The stupid bowl is coming up, so it seemed like a good time to rant about this stupid shit. Speaking of that, why do these companies piss away millions of commercials during the superbowl? I don't get it. Millions of fucking dollars for a 30 second commercial slot. It's always the same fucking companies too. Do they really think people haven't heard of Budweiser or Coke!? Either peolple drink it or they don't. No way in hell the commercials are worth it. Discount the fuckin product instead of pissing away money on advertising like that.

Why do these idiots get paid so much to play games on TV, and why is it forced down our throats? Sports really piss me off. Most of them are just plain fuckin stupid, and none of them should be on TV. With 900+ channels, why must the sports shit still bump other shows to air on CBS etc and cause repeats to be aired on competing channels? Why must NBC/CBS/ABC show such complete shit programming on the weekends!? It's Saturday, and all of a sudden every fucking network thinks they're ESPN. Hell, they even cut in during the week for shit. They cut out the CBS soaps for tennis and college fucking basketball every year. COLLEGE basketball! Not even NBA! What the fuck!? What's next, cutting out prime time shows to air high school sports? Give me a goddamn break. The fucking schools nowadays are more interested in sports than education. It's bullshit. You just know some of the same shit you see on TV is really happening too; stupid jocks getting their grades fixed because they're good at their dumb ass game, crimes being covered up to keep the assholes out of jail when they do shit other people would get locked up/expelled for. Fuck sports!

The pre-game shows are probably the most annoying thing. Why must they always have some asshole sing the national anthem in the shittiest way possible? No one wants to hear that horrible high-pitched shit that these idiots do when they sing it. I don't give a fuck if it was intended that way or not. It sounds like shit! Do these assholes ever listen to how bad they sound? Oh, they wear earplugs on stage so they don't have to!

Racing: Where do I start? Holy shit this is stupid. Driving 500 laps in a fucking circle and making 50 pit stops? What are we trying to prove here? Who has the fastest car or who can stay awake the longest!? It's all about making lame ass pit stops at the right time until like the last few laps. Complete stupidity. That's not racing, it's a waste of fuel and rubber. I hear there's even a speed limit on some races. What-the-fuck? It's a RACE. Holy shit! The stupidity amazes me. People actually watch this shit??? Why the fuck would you want to race cars that are all built to be equal (CRIPPLED!)? What's the point? That's NOT racing. Watch Fast and The Furious sometime. That's what racing should be.

Hockey: Well, other than the fact it's one of the lowest scoring goddamn sports I ever saw (make the goal a little bigger or put the fuckin goalie on a diet), there's a lot of completely pointless rules. Off Sides? WTF!? If a player crosses the center line before the puck reaches him he's off sides. Well, I don't know about you, but I'd be looking at a lot of other shit before I wanted to pay attention to a fucking line on the floor (like the puck or the assholes trying to run you the fuck over!). Icing? Hitting the puck toward the goal is only allowed if you're close enough to it? fuck you. It amazes me people actually pay for tickets to go and watch this shit. Imagine, they pay for tickets to go sit somewhere and freeze their asses off while some idiots are playing a game and taking breaks to beat the shit out of each other. I guess boxing on ice takes more skill than real boxing though.

Football: A 1 hour game clock, but the game lasts like 5 hours by the time they're done fucking around. Really now. Plus, they have to throw in a fucking pre-game show and post-game show. WTF? Shut the hell up. It's a game. Let them fucking play, and let that be the end of it! The only thing I find amusing about football are the fun movies (i.e. The Replacements). There are also the dumbass kickers. They only have 1 job: kick the fucking ball! How do they manage to screw that up so much? If you can't get the ball to go dead center between the uprights from the 1(?) yard line for the extra point, stay the fuck off the field. The referees piss me off too. Why the fuck do they have to echo on TV every time they get shown making a goddamn call!? Has no one realized how fuckin irritating that shit is!? Then everyone goes batshit half the time because the assholes screw up the calls anyway. I guess each team is allowed a few challenges now to have the referees check the replay video or something? Why not plant a referee in front of the fucking TV to begin with!? Then if the ones on the field fuck up, he can step in and fix it. Nah, that'd make too much sense. Heaven forbid anyone try to use some fucking logic. They pay the goddamn players a fortune every year. What's one more ref?

Basketball: Who the fuck wants to watch a bunch of assholes running back and forth across a court squeaking their goddamn shoes the whole time and getting called for fouls even though most of the assholes couldn't make a free throw to save their life?

Golf: Just plain stupid. Yeah, let's go hit a golf ball a couple hundred yards at a time and try to get it to a hole. Bullshit. I wanna see these guys play miniature golf. Let's see how good a mood Tiger Woods is in after fucking around with a windmill for half an hour! And wtf is with these assholes and putting down a marker for their ball when it's only like 4 feet from the goddamn hole!? Just put it in and be done, numbnuts! My parents had golf on during dinner one day and I saw this one guy miss a 2 foot putt. Why the hell is he on TV!?

Horse Racing: WTF? This is an outdated, elitist fucking thing, and its only purpose nowadays is for people to fucking gamble on. Yet, they put it on fucking TV! What asshole decided horse racing was a good idea to include in Saturday programming!?!? Not only that, but they spend more time talking about the fucking race before and after then they do showing the goddamn thing!

Tennis: What the hell is this shit? Oh, That guy has X number of set points, this many aces, and some deuces. Great. What the fuck is the difference!? And why does it sound like a goddamn poker game? Those games go on entirely too fucking long. Have you ever noticed the assholes are too lazy to even pick up the fucking balls? Once that ball goes down, they make some idiot run out and pick it up for them. Lazy bastards. Ever see how often these idiots slam the ball straight into the net on the serve? I don't know much about tennis, but I know the ball is supposed to go OVER the net! These people are supposed to be professionals and they look like complete idiots out there. I can't believe they cut out the CBS soaps for shit like the U.S. Open. There's another dumbass thing. It's called the U.S. Open, but I don't think I've seen one fucking American on there. You can't understand any of these idiots when they get interviewed. What a lousy show. Now if they tried to hit each other with the ball once in a while, that might be entertaining. Dodgeball with smaller balls. Why not? First person to get knocked out or hit in the nuts looses or most hits after a certain amount of time. First to 21 bruises? whatever. It'd be a lot more fuckin entertaining than the shit they do now. I still don't understand how people can stand to watch it without the TV muted. Holy hell. Every time somebody hits the ball they scream as if they got hit by the motherfucker. "Uhhhh! Aahhh!" Close your goddamn mouth, asshole! If I wasn’t looking at the screen, I’d wonder if someone was watching porno.

Bowling: Bowling is another sport that has managed to inspire an entertaining movie or two, but it's not that goddamn interesting. I've bowled. I have yet to understand the need for those goddamn shoes. I mean what asshole came up with this? I think it's just an excuse for the morons that run the alleys to gouge you for more money. I mean who bothers to buy their own bowling shoes unless they really go a lot? It's kind of funny if you think about it. People actually pay to wear the same funky, fungus filled shoes 100 other people have worn! Maybe with all the paranoid germaphobes we'll start seeing bowling shoes actually sell a bit better.

Olympics: How is any of this shit considered sports??? For that matter, why is it that most of the people on "team USA" aren't even fucking American!?!? "Michelle Qwan" - The name says it all. There are Canadians, Asians, etc.  How the hell are these countries supposed to compete against each other when half the best athletes from those countries are on other fucking teams!? You want to be in the Olympics, compete for the right goddamn country. These idiots do nothing but train all the time. They have no lives outside that shit. They starve themselves to keep their weight down. What the fuck kind of life is that? All in pursuit of a fucking hunk of metal. GET A LIFE! Hell, in the US, they apparently tax the athletes on the value of their medals! Of course, they’re not solid medals anyway. The gold medals probably aren’t even 10% gold. WTF is that shit? Everybody seems to think these bullshit “games” are so important though. I don’t get it.

Gymnastics/Floor exercise - WTF is with all that stupid prancing and posing. Do shit that actually requires some kind of fucking skill!

Diving and Synchronized Diving - What the flying fuck? Do people have nothing better to do than judge how some asshole lands in the water? That's fucking lame.

Ice skating - Another "WTF!?!?" Stupid prancing and posing shit. Really. If you call that a sport, let's add pole/belly dancing while we're at it. At least that'd be fuckin entertaining.

Sledding/Skiing - Once again, STUPID. Put some trees and obstacles in there to make it interesting. I wanna see some idiot land in a tree, nuts first. That'd be halfway entertaining. Then there are these idiots that think cross country skiing is a sport. What crackhead thought that shit up? Have you ever seen that stupid shit? They might as well be having potato sack races!

Boxing - More WTF. "No, I don't wanna be hit anymore! Let's hug!" Fuck off. That shit should be an automatic DQ. If you can't win the fight without fucking around like that, you're trash. Suck each other's cocks in private. It's supposed to be a fucking FIGHT!

Dodgeball should be a sport. Now that's fun shit! :-D

What about the cost of some of this shit? They raise the sales tax and stuff in some states/counties to pay for new stadiums. FUCK YOU! I'm not a sports fan, and I shouldn't have to pay out to support the shit. If you want more money, raise the fuckin ticket prices. Let the goddamn fans pay for the shit if they want it that bad. Better yet, tax the 20 million a year some of the fucking players make!