Fuck Religion

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Fuck The Gaming Industry

Yes, we have 2 hot new toys being launched next month: Xbox One and Playstation 4. Am I the only one who fucking hated the PS3 controller? The only thing PS3 was good for was the God of War series, which they've thoroughly beaten to death now, and watching blu-rays. The PS3 was always pushed as a movie player as much as a game console, so I always found it odd that the Xbox 360 actually does a better job at DVD playback. When you stop/eject a disc from PS3, it forgets all about that disc. When you eject a DVD from the Xbox, it'll remember exactly where you left off. It even seems to remember which menu option was highlighted last if the DVD was on the menus!

Microsoft tried to slap the gaming community with a bunch of online required, DRM infested shit. That didn't go over well. The other thing that didn't go over well was the Kinect being required at all times. That changed, but it's still in the fucking box despite much protest from the real gamers that don't give a flying fuck about motion controls. The camera tech and sensor shit we're seeing now can never properly replace an old school light gun. Believe me, I've tried it. I want my NES Zapper back, or at least a fucking mouse that works properly on consoles.

As far as I'm concerned, neither next gen console warrants an immediate purchase. Why rush out and drop that much coin for a handful of exclusive games the first 6 months. All the biggest stuff is getting released on both new and old platforms because it was already in development for the current generation anyway. Hell, I think we got fucked out of having Destiny this year because of Bungie needing time to port it to the new consoles. Anyone remember the failure rate on the first batch of Xbox360s? Yeah, there's another reason not to pre-order. How the fuck does MS expect to inspire confidence in their hardware when they can't even build them without a goddamn power brick? When was the last time a Sony console used a power brick? My PS1 didn't have one. Neither did any of my PS2s or my PS3. Why Microshaft? Why?

Why is everyone in such a frenzy to get the newest thing? It's like those retards that camp out for the new iPhone when there isn't a fuckin thing wrong with their old one. The current generation is HD. The next generation is HD. No huge leaps and bounds here, folks. This is the most lackluster console launch in history. I only hope that they can produce enough to go around and fuck over the people trying to gouge for them on ebay. Moreover, there's no point in having a holiday launch, if you can't fucking provide enough of the product to meet demand. This isn't the yearly installment of Call of Duty or fucking sports shit, it's a console they plan on selling for the next 5-10 years. Yet, instead of launching it properly, they're scrambling to release it for the holiday season and releasing some of the games as incomplete discs requiring a download to play. Brilliant!! I actually got banned from CheapAssGamer for questioning the launch strategy in the goddamn XB1 pre-order thread.

The fuckin things aren't even backwards compatible because MS is too concerned with pushing their bullshit motion control spycam agenda. Fuck them. I'll pickup a backup Xbox360 for Xmas. The assholes better release a version of the XB1 controller for 360 though. The people that put up with the garbage sticks and dpad on the 360 controllers all these years fucking deserve it. I'm waiting for the XB1 bundles without Kinect to happen. We all know they will. Microsoft won't launch them side by side because they fuckin know people won't buy that camera unless they feel they have to.

What about the online aspect? Anything new there? Nope. Same assholes. No real blacklist option, just like 360. After 1000s of hours on Halo Reach, I can safely say with absolute certainty, the "avoid player" option on 360 NEVER fucking worked. Oh, but they're hyping the "infinite power of the cloud" now. GTA Online proved that's not so infinite. After 3 weeks, some people still can't get their goddamn progress to save and still see cloud outages. Awesome!

But but but...."Killer Instinct!" Uh, every F2P game launched on consoles has been almost entirely unplayable the first couple weeks. Hell, some of the retail stuff doesn't even work for shit online early on (GTA Online). Am I the only one tired of paying for a product from these companies to be a fuckin beta tester!? Games used to be solid and playable from the start because there were no patches to easily download on consoles. Now everyone feels they don't need quality control. They'll just fix it later, or they'll take your money and move on. Well, fuck you. I'm not shelling out $60/game for buggy shit. I'll wait for the game to drop to $20 and by then most of the shit will actually work. It's a win-win. Please people. Vote with your wallets. Stop letting the game developers be lazy fucking assholes, and demand quality for your money.

Fuck Radio

Am I the only one that's getting really tired of the shit they put on the radio? Sunday mornings are the worst. Some stations seem to play church music or preacher shit. Others all seem to run the same fuckin garbage at 7am. There's like a half hour of bullshit college news (YSU Dean or whoever running their mouth), followed by some bullshit veteran show. Didn't FM radio used to be for Fucking Music!? Put all the bullshit on AM radio, assholes! The rest of the week isn't much better. All they do is talk all goddamn morning. Shut the fuck up and play some music.

Yes, I really called the veteran show bullshit. Fuck off. Fuck them and the enlisted, especially the enlisted. Fuck AC & Kelly. Fuck the YSU news; keep it in your fucking college paper. Fuck Bob & Tom, and their motherfucking reruns! Most importantly, fuck that bitch from the National Weather Service in Pittsburgh that doesn't know how to say "Pittsburgh!" How the fuck have they been using her to announce weather warnings all these years!?

p.s. What the fuck is with ruining every good song out there with shit awful remixes? Anytime a new song comes out that's halfway decent, you hear it played to death for a month or so. Then they make some bullshit remix and you never hear the original again. I think the remix of that Fire to the Rain song by Adele is one of the worst I ever heard. The original song wasn't bad though.

Fuck Snow

Will people ever learn to deal with this white shit? Every year it's the same fucking thing. One goddamn snowflake and people are either afraid to leave the house or they forget how to drive. Why, after all these years, have we not come up with better ways to keep the roads clear? Hell, they're too lazy to take care of half the roads with the current methods. Fuck winter time. Everything is closed, delayed, iced up, snowed in, or fucked up.

Do people ever get used to the snow? Why the fuck do you live so far north if you can't handle a little snow? I wonder. Do people in Alaska drive like idiots and fear the snow too, or do they actually get used to it? If I moved up there, I'd probably want one of those things you see them drive around the north pole in the movies. I'm not getting snowed in. If I want to go somewhere, I'll fuckin get there.

Fuck My Life

Well, I'm not the 40 year old virgin, but I could certainly use some help. I'll be 32 in December, and I've never actually been on a date. I've always been that quiet guy who can stand around and not say shit all night unless someone actually talks to me. Hell, I barely know what to say when contacting someone I don't know by email. I'm not outgoing enough to pickup women, and it pisses me off. It's not that I just want to get laid either. In fact, I truly want a relationship. I did get laid once, but that was about the equivalent of a hooker without the cost. Long story. Don't get me wrong. I appreciate the pussy, but I'm looking for something more. No, not a threesome (though I wouldn't object).


I'm a simple guy from a small town in western Pennsylvania. I live on a big farm that's been in the family name since Civil War times. Yes, it's my parents' place. No, I don't live in the basement. I have neck and back problems from a car accident years ago (wasn't my fault, wasn't even driving!), so I'm not working. I also sort of had cancer. I had my appendix out in 2011, and they found a carcinoid tumor in it. Small one. No big deal. I'm a movie fanatic. I enjoy video games, pool, bowling, target shooting, etc. I have a big heart. The size of other things is for the right woman to judge.


I never got out much when I was younger. I was home schooled from 8th grade on. Of course, my mother was never much help. She's paranoid, overprotective, slightly brain damaged, and FUCKING NUTS. There's really nothing around here. I can't even get decent internet cause I'm stuck in the country with a bunch of goddamn Amish neighbors. I swear this place is the new Florida. Everywhere I go, all I see is old people. I think the only good thing that ever came out of this state is the chick that used to play Tammy on Guiding Light. ;)


Then people tell me "You meet somebody at school or work." I sure as hell didn't. I spent a little over 2 years at the local Penn State campus and got tired of it. Then I worked for about a year. That job ended mostly over management canning a cute girl I knew in another department. Of course, she was already seeing someone, so it's not like I was scoring any points tossing the job. It was just the principle of it. I also met an awesome waitress at Waffle House a while back, but as usual, every woman I meet only wants a friend. She ended up the most expensive friend I've ever had after she lost her job, but I love her.


What's next? I know: "Go on dating sites." If you can spend 2 years on dating sites and still not get a date, you might be an asshole. I know I'm an asshole, but I'm also a gentleman. I also know dating sites fucking suck. There's a handful of local hotties that get their inbox spammed by every male on the site and pretty much ignore them all (assuming the profile is real to begin with). Then, as you start sifting through all your "matches," you begin to realize the only cute women there are divorced with like 4 kids or batshit crazy. Now, one kid, I might be alright with. I have a friend with a daughter I absolutely adore. I'd kind of prefer making my own mistakes over raising someone else's though.


Now, I'm not saying I need some stick figure or that I like fat chicks. Any size woman can be cute or butt ugly. Unfortunately, dating sites are full of the latter. Yeah, yeah. "Looks aren't everything." No, but they're damn well part of the equation. There's also a lot of over-achieving types that work a job or two plus go to school. What am I supposed to say? "Yeah, pencil me in for lunch sometime next month, honey." ??? Fuck that. Then you have the women who waste your time even more with awesome profiles, BUT they're just looking for friends. Friends are on Facebook. A dating site is for dating.


p.s. Online dating tip of the day: If you're going to take a picture of yourself in the mirror, turn the fucking flash off.


The dating sites that want money really piss me off. Every site on the fucking internet has private messaging and email for free, but you expect people to fork over $20 a month for it!? Then you let everybody and their retarded sister register for free and don't tell us which ones are paying subscribers that can actually reply. I get ignored enough without wondering if the women are able to respond in the first place, idiots.


Mail order brides are out thanks to bullshit immigration laws nowadays. They apparently require you to actually visit the woman in her own country before you can fly her in. These women look for foreign men because they want to get the fuck out of the shit hole they live in. Why the fuck would I want to visit it!?

Another thing people say that pisses me off is that I "need to have a job to get women." I worked. I didn't get any. Now I'm making just as much as when I worked sitting on my ass with a bad neck. Guess what. I could still afford a nice dinner for two somewhere, and I actually have time to enjoy the company. I guess I'm a little bit like Jack Dawson (Titanic). I don't claim to be a hopeless romantic, but I believe in love. I believe life should be more than punching a time clock 6 days a week, paying the bills, and still being too broke and tired to fucking enjoy the rest of your week. Call me crazy.



Links:
My OkCupid Profile
My book (free): Mentally Irregular - Rantings of a Bitter, Lonely, Son of a Bitch (Also available on Barnes and Noble)