Fuck Christmas

Fuck holidays. Fuck decorations. Fuck mistletoe and candy canes. Fuck Santa and the elves. Fuck the religious assholes that stole the Pagan celebration of solstice and made it some bullshit religious holiday full of gift giving and family shit. Fuck Hanukkah and the idiots who came up with that too. Fuck Rudolph and Frosty. Roast both those motherfuckers. Fuck turkey and the idiots who thought having it two holidays in a row was smart. We had pulled pork, assholes. Fuck New Years and fuck all the stores that close for it. Fuck the fucking football game on New Years too. Fuck New Years resolutions and the idiots who always feel the need to make them but never keep them anyway. Fuck holiday movies, chestnuts, and fires. Fuck snow, and the idiots who are afraid to drive in it. Fuck fake trees and those teeny tiny little lights. What the fuck happened to real Xmas lights? The ones with bulbs in them the size of a fucking night light!

Yes, I'm a bitter, lonely son of a bitch. I can't stand my life. I can't find a way to change. I'm just stuck here playing Halo. Bah fucking humbug.

Fuck Gamestop

I went into the Gamestop in Hermitage PA to get a copy of Fist of the North Star-Ken's Rage 2 for Xbox360 today. The only "new" copy they had was the bullshit gutted copy with a scuffed disc in the drawer and heavily worn case. The case was for the original game and not the 2nd because the idiots sold the wrong disc with the wrong case previously, so I don't even get the right cover art. Plus, it had 4 stickers all slapped on top of each other at different angles. How the fuck is that a brand new item? That's not even mint condition once the disc is scuffed and stickers are all over the case. I've seen ex-rentals in better shape! You should NOT be able to sell shit like that as new. Nobody else opens the goddamn games for display cases. Come up with something else. If you're too lazy to keep an eye on your own inventory than get those stupid plastic cases Walmart and other places use or print your own goddamn cover art to display. Once you unwrap a game, it's not new anymore. Stop screwing game collectors with garbage in poor condition claiming it's new.

I almost wish Microshaft had gone through with their DRM fuckery on Xbox One. Probably would've shit all over Gamestop. Of course I manage to get fucked over with the one game I go there for the whole xmas season.

Fuck Holiday Shopping

It's beginning to look a lot like FUCK THIS! Tis the season to get fucked in the ass by retailers online and offline.

I think Microsoft is trying to compete with the health care site for worst website ever. Funny how Amazon can have 10 times the inventory on lightning deals and shit all day long and mostly work fine, but Microsoft can't even sell a few Xbox games and bullshit tablets. MICROSOFT! The biggest fucking software company in history can't write a fucking website that works! You can't even email their customer service! That's right. MICROSOFT DOESN'T HAVE EMAIL!!!! Seriously!? They keep chirping about the "infinite power of the cloud." Maybe they should host their fucking website on it so it won't be unusable for hours when the deals go live.

NewEgg kind of failed in the deals department this year, but their site works, so I'll give them props for that. I'm really tired of seeing their marketplace shit though. There should be an option to opt out and only view shit sold by NewEgg itself. They also need to take their eco friendly packaging materials stick them. I miss packing pellets.

Best Buy is fuckin retarded both online and in store. You go in the store and the TV shows aren't just in alphabetical order. No, they're grouped by studio, so you have to look half a dozen differnet sections to find what the fuck you're looking for. Nobody keeps track of what studio releases what. Why would we give a flying fuck!? Then their fucking website is designed by morons that apparently never heard of browser cookies. I seriously can't refresh my wish list to see what prices have changed without logging back it every motherfucking time. I leave the pages open to save time. Having to type my password every couple hours really isn't saving me any time.

Amazon is doing alright, as usual, but one of their deals was seemingly broken for me. An Xbox game that was listed on the deal calender for 9:10am PST on Friday, never showed up on the lightning deals list itself. I followed other stuff to see what it'd go for. This game just wasn't there. The price never changed. Yet, I refreshed the deals calender around 9:15 and it said the deal had a little less than 2 hours left. WHAT THE FUCK? I email Amazon customer service and I get the run around from these fuckers that obviously don't speak english as a first language.

I'm getting tired of this shit. No matter where you shop online, it's the same shit. If you have a problem you have to go through customer service people that you can't understand on the phone or that don't fully comprehend your emails. I'm shopping at an American owned retailer, paying American sales tax with American money. I expect to deal fucking Americans when I have ordering issues!!! The fucking phone company is bad enough. Goddamn! You should not be allowed to outsource customer service. And people wonder why there's no fucking jobs anymore. Fuck factory work. Let the little Asian kids or whoever do it for $1/hour. I don't care. Problem is, they're not happy just saving money on labor for making shit. They're outsourcing everything customer service related, and they use cheap fuckin parts for everything so it doesn't work worth a shit! Seen all the reported issues with the new game consoles? I don't remember a failure rate on the N64 worth talking about. Do you? Things have gone to shit. Microsoft obviously outsourced their website hosting too. Probably outsourced the design itself, and that's why the fucker is so goddamn broken. The guys that wrote Gameshark Central when they were like 12 did better website programming than these fuckers!

You know the other problem with shopping online? All the big stores start their deals at midnight PACIFIC. Fuck your fucking timezone. Why the fuck does everyone to the east get fucked just because your corporate office is in California? Would it seriously be that bad to start 3 hours earlier, so EVERYONE can shop at a reasonable hour!? What the fuck!?

At least I didn't bother fighting my way through the mob of assholes at Walmart this year for $10 games. Holy shit. I went a couple years ago just to get one or two things that were $10. They handed out maps of what is where. Either the map was written by a retard, or the store was stocked by a whole group of them, because the shit wasn't right. It showed videogames in front of the electronics department. Makes sense, right? Sure, there were games...for fucking Wii. No PS3/Xbox stuff. No, the $10 games were at the opposite end of the fucking store. Brilliant! See if I trust their map and wait for them to take the 50 layers of shrink wrap off the fuckin pallets next time.

People are fuckin idiots too. What is it with these silly fuckers camping out for Black Friday? It takes a special kind of asshole to camp out for hours/day just to save $100 on a cheap shit brand TV, or a cheap shit PC. Have fun wasting your day, freezing your tits off, and fighting over a few bargains, shitheads. I'll do the research and buy something decent when the price drops. Hey, do the adult shops have black friday sales? If nothing else, the line outside one of those would probably be interesting. "So what are you shopping for? The 3 foot purple dildos or the half off bondage films?"

Then people online were whining about stores opening on Thanksgiving day cause it's a holiday. Fuck off. Why the hell did Thanksgiving become such an important religious holiday? I don't say grace. I don't even like fuckin turkey. The only reason we didn't smoke some pulled pork instead was my father was watching fuckin football. Fuck football too. Wasn't Thanksgiving started with the whole pilgrims and indians thing? Leave your fucking deity out of it. Fucking stores should stay open. It's a bullshit holiday with no real purpose. Christmas is okay. We get presents and shit on Christmas. Although, they should really change the name since they stole most of the customs from the Pagan celebration of winter solstice and other random religions anyway.

Why isn't anyone bitching about the Salvation Army people that have to freeze their ass off outside stores when there's plenty of room inside? It's fucking stupid, especially at Walmart/Sam's Club. Have you seen the size of their fucking entry room with the carts? The Salvation Army person could easily stand between the sets of doors going in and out where it's nice and warm all day. Nope. Store policy is to make them free their nuggets off for no fucking reason. SERIOUSLY!?!!?

Fuck Waffle House

For me, the Waffle House experience started with a random visit to one in Fort Walton Beach, Florida in 2005. We were on our way to go on a Cruise my mother won out of Tampa, but we stopped in FWB for a singe day to visit my father's cousin. He took us to WH for breakfast, and so began my waffle addiction.

When we got back, we noticed a WH about to open in Niles, OH (winter 2005) and started going there. The food was amazing, and the people were awesome. I had a couple servers that remembered my entire order (right down to the strawberry jelly). Yeah, I'm a creature of habit. One them, Val, moved on to Hubbard WH when that opened. That was a lot closer, so I started go there 3-4 times a week (sometimes more). I started to vary my order a little based on my mood and who was cooking. At the time Val and her ex/boyfriend (Danny) were the two best cooks, even though Val mostly served. After the Austintown WH opened, Val and Danny got into some fight with the owner and lost their jobs. I still keep in touch with them. Val is my best friend. There's a hell of a long story behind that.

Then Bryan and Derek became my cooks of choice. Why do some people suck so much at cooking? I guess half the reason Bryan and Derek were so good was being trained by the master (Danny). Well, I know Derek was. I'm not sure about Bryan. Anyway, All was mostly well around there until the owner (Doug) left the business. There was a guy from corporate there for a bit until they got a new owner. The first thing owner #2 did was fire the 2 best cooks they had (Bryan and Derek), and he wouldn't even give the manager at Hubbard a fucking reason for it!! The asshole also proceeded to run off or fire nearly everyone who originally worked for Doug at both my usual locations. There are currently all of 2 people I know left from the original staff between the 2 locations, and I used to know everybody there.

I didn't bother going in for 6 months or so after losing my favorite cooks a 2nd time and hearing about everyone else quitting and getting fired. Then I tried it once or twice a year and the idiots at the Hubbard WH couldn't even make decent waffles anymore. They still can't, last I knew. I won't even bother going to the Hubbard one anymore, especially with the driveway between WH and Flying J being so fucked up it's ridiculous. I'm not driving through there in my new truck. I decided to try the one in Niles again this summer, and found one of the servers who used to be at the Hubbard one. I also discovered a cook that was actually good (Bobbi). Owner #2 departed, and the local WH locations became corporate.

They've still never learned how to keep the goddamn waffle irons clean. When they make chocolate chip waffles, the chocolate ends up stuck to the iron and gets on other waffles they make for a while. I didn't order a chocolate chip waffle. I don't want that burnt ass black chocolate that's been cooking the past hour on mine! It's a fairly simple problem to solve, but people are fucking lazy. There are like 12 waffle irons there, assholes! Pick one or two and dedicate them exclusively to chocolate chip waffles. Problem solved!

I've decided to only got to WH when Bobbi is cooking now. I mostly did the same when Bryan and Derek were around at Hubbard. I followed their schedule. Problem is the manager at the Niles/Howland one is being a bitch and won't tell me when Bobbi works. Bobbi doesn't care. She tells me her schedule for the week when I remember to ask. It's a half hour fucking ride over there. I'm not coming in to eat unless I know Bobbi is cooking. I don't give a fuck. The manager damn well knows me, and knows my situation. She's obviously annoyed nobody likes her inconsistent cooking. The district manager tried to serve me half a waffle last time he cooked for me (part of it stuck in the iron), so fuck him too. They still don't know how to hang onto workers either. One of those last 2 remaining servers from the original crew even got another job and plans to move on because she's tired of dealing with shit management. She put in for a transfer back to the Hubbard WH like 5 months ago and got ignored.

I have a feeling I'll be needing a new place to eat soon. I was going to Denny's during the time I dropped WH before, but they changed the goddamn sausage about a year ago. I haven't really be inclined to eat there since.

Fuck The Auto Industry

Fuck the car companies. Fuck the greedy, lazy, union assholes that build the cars. Fuck the people who sell them. Fuck the retards that buy the ugliest cars ever made in the ugliest colors. Fuck the people that give financing to people who have no business owning vehicles they can't afford. Fuck the high end rides and the rich trouser stains that throw away money on them to compensate for their tiny dicks.

Yeah, it's one of those days. I just heard something about Toyota discontinuing the FJ Cruiser after 2014. You know. Maybe if you didn't force that ugly fucking white roof on everyone, you'd sell a few more, ASSHOLES! They only make about 2500 per year in a solid color, and they only make one color like that per year. I swear it's like pulling teeth to get any options at all when buying a new vehicle. Dealers don't even want to get you the color you want half the time. You can't get leather on small trucks. They barely have color options for the interior of anything! You can't get a regular cab F-150 with a V8 even though I have a goddamn Ranger with one in it, so it's obviously possible from an engineering standpoint.

These fuckin assholes expect people to spend 30, 40, 80 grand on a car and won't even build it the way we want it. Then the dealers think they can tattoo the fuckin vehicles they sell? I don't know who I hate more: the dealers that stick that name plate on ass end of the vehicles they sell, or the idiots who actually let them get away with it. Why the fuck would you let some asshole advertise on your new ride? You sure as hell aren't getting paid for it. Let them take out a fuckin TV commercial like everybody else. That's another thing that pisses me off. All you hear all day long on TV and radio are these fucking dealerships advertising. Everywhere you look in town there's another car dealer. They're worse than fucking Starbucks! You can't even tell what brand they're dealing half the time because the lot is half full of random shit people traded in. Isn't the economy still in the shitter too? How the hell are all these dealerships still open and still affording to advertise in the first place? Somehow, I wouldn't expect $50k cars to be flying off the goddamn lot. Hey, when the fuck is somebody going to invent flying cars, anyway? All the movies said we'd have them by now.

Then these useless dealers want to go back and forth with you on price. Did I walk into a fucking auction? Is this Craigslist? How the fuck do you negotiate the price of something that's brand fucking new? You can't negotiate the price of gas, DVDs, guns, beer, or a goddamn sandwich. What's with this negotiating shit in the auto industry!!?!? "Well, how much do you want to pay for it?" I'm buying a brand new car, not your fucking sister. Negotiating is for used items and labor, not a new product off a goddamn assembly line! Stop dicking people around, set the motherfucking price up front, and be done with it.

Oh, and what's this bullshit requiring proof of insurance to even transfer the title of a vehicle? Last I checked, I didn't need insurance to have it towed home and put it on display in my fuckin yard. Maybe I just want to hang it from the ceiling like they do with the old cars at Quaker Steak and Lube! I only need insurance if I actually want to drive the motherfucker. Yet, they can't sell me this pile of steel if I can't provide proof of insurance on the spot? Fuck off. They want proof of insurance and all this shit from you, and they can give you plates, but they can't give you the motherfucking little sticker to go on the plates? Fuck sticking that paper to my back window. What's on those fucking things? Gorilla Glue!? The shit never comes off!

They fuck you at the car dealer, ok? They fuck you at the car dealer. First they dazzle you with the newest model. Then they fuck you on options and extras. The insurance company gets to fuck you before you're even allowed to purchase the vehicle. Then when they're done fucking you, along comes the DMV and fucks you some more. $60 a year for a registration sticker the size of a fuckin postage stamp!

Fuck Religion

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Fuck The Gaming Industry

Yes, we have 2 hot new toys being launched next month: Xbox One and Playstation 4. Am I the only one who fucking hated the PS3 controller? The only thing PS3 was good for was the God of War series, which they've thoroughly beaten to death now, and watching blu-rays. The PS3 was always pushed as a movie player as much as a game console, so I always found it odd that the Xbox 360 actually does a better job at DVD playback. When you stop/eject a disc from PS3, it forgets all about that disc. When you eject a DVD from the Xbox, it'll remember exactly where you left off. It even seems to remember which menu option was highlighted last if the DVD was on the menus!

Microsoft tried to slap the gaming community with a bunch of online required, DRM infested shit. That didn't go over well. The other thing that didn't go over well was the Kinect being required at all times. That changed, but it's still in the fucking box despite much protest from the real gamers that don't give a flying fuck about motion controls. The camera tech and sensor shit we're seeing now can never properly replace an old school light gun. Believe me, I've tried it. I want my NES Zapper back, or at least a fucking mouse that works properly on consoles.

As far as I'm concerned, neither next gen console warrants an immediate purchase. Why rush out and drop that much coin for a handful of exclusive games the first 6 months. All the biggest stuff is getting released on both new and old platforms because it was already in development for the current generation anyway. Hell, I think we got fucked out of having Destiny this year because of Bungie needing time to port it to the new consoles. Anyone remember the failure rate on the first batch of Xbox360s? Yeah, there's another reason not to pre-order. How the fuck does MS expect to inspire confidence in their hardware when they can't even build them without a goddamn power brick? When was the last time a Sony console used a power brick? My PS1 didn't have one. Neither did any of my PS2s or my PS3. Why Microshaft? Why?

Why is everyone in such a frenzy to get the newest thing? It's like those retards that camp out for the new iPhone when there isn't a fuckin thing wrong with their old one. The current generation is HD. The next generation is HD. No huge leaps and bounds here, folks. This is the most lackluster console launch in history. I only hope that they can produce enough to go around and fuck over the people trying to gouge for them on ebay. Moreover, there's no point in having a holiday launch, if you can't fucking provide enough of the product to meet demand. This isn't the yearly installment of Call of Duty or fucking sports shit, it's a console they plan on selling for the next 5-10 years. Yet, instead of launching it properly, they're scrambling to release it for the holiday season and releasing some of the games as incomplete discs requiring a download to play. Brilliant!! I actually got banned from CheapAssGamer for questioning the launch strategy in the goddamn XB1 pre-order thread.

The fuckin things aren't even backwards compatible because MS is too concerned with pushing their bullshit motion control spycam agenda. Fuck them. I'll pickup a backup Xbox360 for Xmas. The assholes better release a version of the XB1 controller for 360 though. The people that put up with the garbage sticks and dpad on the 360 controllers all these years fucking deserve it. I'm waiting for the XB1 bundles without Kinect to happen. We all know they will. Microsoft won't launch them side by side because they fuckin know people won't buy that camera unless they feel they have to.

What about the online aspect? Anything new there? Nope. Same assholes. No real blacklist option, just like 360. After 1000s of hours on Halo Reach, I can safely say with absolute certainty, the "avoid player" option on 360 NEVER fucking worked. Oh, but they're hyping the "infinite power of the cloud" now. GTA Online proved that's not so infinite. After 3 weeks, some people still can't get their goddamn progress to save and still see cloud outages. Awesome!

But but but...."Killer Instinct!" Uh, every F2P game launched on consoles has been almost entirely unplayable the first couple weeks. Hell, some of the retail stuff doesn't even work for shit online early on (GTA Online). Am I the only one tired of paying for a product from these companies to be a fuckin beta tester!? Games used to be solid and playable from the start because there were no patches to easily download on consoles. Now everyone feels they don't need quality control. They'll just fix it later, or they'll take your money and move on. Well, fuck you. I'm not shelling out $60/game for buggy shit. I'll wait for the game to drop to $20 and by then most of the shit will actually work. It's a win-win. Please people. Vote with your wallets. Stop letting the game developers be lazy fucking assholes, and demand quality for your money.

Fuck Radio

Am I the only one that's getting really tired of the shit they put on the radio? Sunday mornings are the worst. Some stations seem to play church music or preacher shit. Others all seem to run the same fuckin garbage at 7am. There's like a half hour of bullshit college news (YSU Dean or whoever running their mouth), followed by some bullshit veteran show. Didn't FM radio used to be for Fucking Music!? Put all the bullshit on AM radio, assholes! The rest of the week isn't much better. All they do is talk all goddamn morning. Shut the fuck up and play some music.

Yes, I really called the veteran show bullshit. Fuck off. Fuck them and the enlisted, especially the enlisted. Fuck AC & Kelly. Fuck the YSU news; keep it in your fucking college paper. Fuck Bob & Tom, and their motherfucking reruns! Most importantly, fuck that bitch from the National Weather Service in Pittsburgh that doesn't know how to say "Pittsburgh!" How the fuck have they been using her to announce weather warnings all these years!?

p.s. What the fuck is with ruining every good song out there with shit awful remixes? Anytime a new song comes out that's halfway decent, you hear it played to death for a month or so. Then they make some bullshit remix and you never hear the original again. I think the remix of that Fire to the Rain song by Adele is one of the worst I ever heard. The original song wasn't bad though.

Fuck Snow

Will people ever learn to deal with this white shit? Every year it's the same fucking thing. One goddamn snowflake and people are either afraid to leave the house or they forget how to drive. Why, after all these years, have we not come up with better ways to keep the roads clear? Hell, they're too lazy to take care of half the roads with the current methods. Fuck winter time. Everything is closed, delayed, iced up, snowed in, or fucked up.

Do people ever get used to the snow? Why the fuck do you live so far north if you can't handle a little snow? I wonder. Do people in Alaska drive like idiots and fear the snow too, or do they actually get used to it? If I moved up there, I'd probably want one of those things you see them drive around the north pole in the movies. I'm not getting snowed in. If I want to go somewhere, I'll fuckin get there.

Fuck My Life

Well, I'm not the 40 year old virgin, but I could certainly use some help. I'll be 32 in December, and I've never actually been on a date. I've always been that quiet guy who can stand around and not say shit all night unless someone actually talks to me. Hell, I barely know what to say when contacting someone I don't know by email. I'm not outgoing enough to pickup women, and it pisses me off. It's not that I just want to get laid either. In fact, I truly want a relationship. I did get laid once, but that was about the equivalent of a hooker without the cost. Long story. Don't get me wrong. I appreciate the pussy, but I'm looking for something more. No, not a threesome (though I wouldn't object).


I'm a simple guy from a small town in western Pennsylvania. I live on a big farm that's been in the family name since Civil War times. Yes, it's my parents' place. No, I don't live in the basement. I have neck and back problems from a car accident years ago (wasn't my fault, wasn't even driving!), so I'm not working. I also sort of had cancer. I had my appendix out in 2011, and they found a carcinoid tumor in it. Small one. No big deal. I'm a movie fanatic. I enjoy video games, pool, bowling, target shooting, etc. I have a big heart. The size of other things is for the right woman to judge.


I never got out much when I was younger. I was home schooled from 8th grade on. Of course, my mother was never much help. She's paranoid, overprotective, slightly brain damaged, and FUCKING NUTS. There's really nothing around here. I can't even get decent internet cause I'm stuck in the country with a bunch of goddamn Amish neighbors. I swear this place is the new Florida. Everywhere I go, all I see is old people. I think the only good thing that ever came out of this state is the chick that used to play Tammy on Guiding Light. ;)


Then people tell me "You meet somebody at school or work." I sure as hell didn't. I spent a little over 2 years at the local Penn State campus and got tired of it. Then I worked for about a year. That job ended mostly over management canning a cute girl I knew in another department. Of course, she was already seeing someone, so it's not like I was scoring any points tossing the job. It was just the principle of it. I also met an awesome waitress at Waffle House a while back, but as usual, every woman I meet only wants a friend. She ended up the most expensive friend I've ever had after she lost her job, but I love her.


What's next? I know: "Go on dating sites." If you can spend 2 years on dating sites and still not get a date, you might be an asshole. I know I'm an asshole, but I'm also a gentleman. I also know dating sites fucking suck. There's a handful of local hotties that get their inbox spammed by every male on the site and pretty much ignore them all (assuming the profile is real to begin with). Then, as you start sifting through all your "matches," you begin to realize the only cute women there are divorced with like 4 kids or batshit crazy. Now, one kid, I might be alright with. I have a friend with a daughter I absolutely adore. I'd kind of prefer making my own mistakes over raising someone else's though.


Now, I'm not saying I need some stick figure or that I like fat chicks. Any size woman can be cute or butt ugly. Unfortunately, dating sites are full of the latter. Yeah, yeah. "Looks aren't everything." No, but they're damn well part of the equation. There's also a lot of over-achieving types that work a job or two plus go to school. What am I supposed to say? "Yeah, pencil me in for lunch sometime next month, honey." ??? Fuck that. Then you have the women who waste your time even more with awesome profiles, BUT they're just looking for friends. Friends are on Facebook. A dating site is for dating.


p.s. Online dating tip of the day: If you're going to take a picture of yourself in the mirror, turn the fucking flash off.


The dating sites that want money really piss me off. Every site on the fucking internet has private messaging and email for free, but you expect people to fork over $20 a month for it!? Then you let everybody and their retarded sister register for free and don't tell us which ones are paying subscribers that can actually reply. I get ignored enough without wondering if the women are able to respond in the first place, idiots.


Mail order brides are out thanks to bullshit immigration laws nowadays. They apparently require you to actually visit the woman in her own country before you can fly her in. These women look for foreign men because they want to get the fuck out of the shit hole they live in. Why the fuck would I want to visit it!?

Another thing people say that pisses me off is that I "need to have a job to get women." I worked. I didn't get any. Now I'm making just as much as when I worked sitting on my ass with a bad neck. Guess what. I could still afford a nice dinner for two somewhere, and I actually have time to enjoy the company. I guess I'm a little bit like Jack Dawson (Titanic). I don't claim to be a hopeless romantic, but I believe in love. I believe life should be more than punching a time clock 6 days a week, paying the bills, and still being too broke and tired to fucking enjoy the rest of your week. Call me crazy.



Links:
My OkCupid Profile
My book (free): Mentally Irregular - Rantings of a Bitter, Lonely, Son of a Bitch (Also available on Barnes and Noble)